Died December 31, 2000 · Age 86
Alan Cranston
Word of his passing came just 3 hours before the end of one contest and the start of another. He always was a damned troublemaker.
92 stiffs · 2000
The Stiffs
For the 32nd year running, our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on anybody’s list, or mattered at all, they’re here. Looking for everybody? Try the Directory.
Died December 26, 2000 · Age 78
Jason Robards
Nice try, old man, but we're not renaming The Carl Sagan Stipulation no matter when you check out.
Died December 19, 2000 · Age 79
John Lindsay
Hopefully, he developed a taste for worms when he was finding out just how rotten the Big Apple could be.
Died December 19, 2000 · Age 85
Pops Staples
If you don't give a heck about the man with the bible in his hand, y'all, just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing.
Died December 6, 2000 · Age 80
Werner Klemperer
Though his Klink was more bumbling than mean,
and Herr Klemperer stole every scene,
like the Nazi he played,
Werner toiled underpaid,
the top sucker at Stalag 13.
Died December 4, 2000 · Age 64
Henck Arron
Say goodbye to the man who led the nation of Suriname to its independence. Hamurrin' Henck ez dedd.
Died December 3, 2000 · Age 83
Gwendolyn Brooks
This Pulitzer Prize winning poet would surely be better known had her career not been overshadowed by her brothers, Mel, Foster, Albert, Garth, and the two who made the suits.
Died November 21, 2000 · Age 78
Emil Zatopek
There once was a fleet-footed Czech
whose name was Emil Zatopek.
Like a good little Pinky,
he won at Helsinki,
and then was too dumb to defect.
Died November 17, 2000 · Age 26
Joe C.
Now rocking on the Lord's glorious concert stage, and once again reunited with The Pussycats.
Died November 5, 2000 · Age 101
Jimmie Davis
The fact that the singing governor made it to 101 convinces us that the key to longevity is to declare someone or something to be your sunshine (preferably your only sunshine) and then to repeatedly implore to no one in particular that said sunshine not be taken away.
Died November 1, 2000 · Age 85
Ring Lardner
Man, those HUAC guys ... what a bunch of idiots. They suspected Jr. of being the ringleader, but they didn't know why.
Died October 18, 2000 · Age 74
Julie London
Sadly, Julie had just begun working on a remake of her biggest hit, an updated version called "Buy Me A Liver."
Died October 18, 2000 · Age 75
Gwen Verdon
Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Gwen, on the other hand, is toast.
Died October 16, 2000 · Age 66
Mel Carnahan
Gov·er·nor (guv´-er-ner) noun: an attachment to a machine or engine designed to control or limit its function. (e.g. Missouri's governor may need to be readjusted).
Died October 13, 2000 · Age 90
Gus Hall
The grave they buried him in is actually shared by several people. It's a communist plot.
Died October 9, 2000 · Age 55
David Dukes
Looks like Mr. McPhee is up Dawson's Creek without a paddle. Serves him right, the KKK son of a bitch.
Died October 6, 2000 · Age 80
Richard Farnsworth
The straight story is that he had terminal cancer and killed himself. You find a punch line in that.
Died October 1, 2000 · Age 66
Reggie Kray
Historians and journalists alike are baffled by the notorious British gangster's final word. Just as he expired, he closed his eyes and quietly murmured, "Dinsdale."
Died September 28, 2000 · Age 80
Pierre Trudeau
Due to the weakness of the Canadian dollar, this will only count for about two-thirds of a death.
Died September 23, 2000 · Age 52
Aurelio Rodriguez
Many baseball experts have long asserted that Mike Schmidt was the greatest third baseman of all-time. Well, Aurelio wasn't nearly that good.
Died September 17, 2000 · Age 41
Paula Yates
This one, on the other hand, leaves a huge hole in the arts world.
Died August 25, 2000 · Age 63
Jack Nitzsche
Oscar-winning songwriter who also worked as a producer, arranger and keyboardist with people like The Rolling Stones, James Brown, Elvis Presley, Miles Davis, The Beach Boys, Phil Spector, Captain Beefheart, Bobby Darin, Neil Young, Randy Newman, Ike & Tina Turner, Tammy Wynette, John Lee Hooker, Barbra Streisand, The Neville Brothers, Graham Parker, Jackie DeShannon, The Monkees, Marianne Faithfull, Sonny & Cher, Buffy Sainte-Marie, Ricky Nelson, Willy DeVille, Doris Day and The Germs, so it's no surprise if you've never heard of him.
Died August 12, 2000 · Age 87
Loretta Young
But only if you're comparing her to, like, the redwoods.
Died August 4, 2000
Leslie Glass
This busty brunette was known for her stamina, as shown by her farewell appearance in the Coitus Maximus production of Chemo Reamo.
Died July 14, 2000 · Age 56
Meredith MacRae
There's a little hotel called the Shady Rest at the junction ...
Died July 1, 2000 · Age 51
Cub Koda
You ever seem to have one of those days where it just seems like everybody's gettin' on your case, from your teacher all the way down to your best girlfriend? Well, you know, Cub used to have 'em just about all the time. But he found a way to get out of it.
Died July 1, 2000 · Age 79
Walter Matthau
You know that wherever he's going, George Burns'll be there waiting for him, and when Matthau knocks, Burns will point his finger in the air and say, "Enter!"
Died June 14, 2000 · Age 93
Robert Trent Jones, Sr.
He'll be laid to rest in the Jones family plot, which features two small approach bunkers, a water hazard on the far side of the green, and a beautiful view of the dogleg fifth.
Died May 30, 2000 · Age 68
Bob Casey
The former Governor and former State Senator from Pennsylvania is now a former person from Pennsylvania.
Died May 21, 2000 · Age 98
Barbara Cartland
She closed her eyes dreamily and sighed, a moist and wheezy sigh of surrender, as his firm grip tightened on her ventricle, and Randy the Reaper shut that sucker down.
Died May 21, 2000 · Age 96
John Gielgud
Over the course of his career, he portrayed 9 Lords, 6 Kings, 4 Popes, 3 Prime Ministers, a couple of Saints, various military officers, Merlin the Magician, Cassius AND Julius Caesar, an orchestra conductor, a headmaster, a Marquis, and the houseboy of an idiot who's so pickled that he falls in love with Liza Minnelli. Guess that about covers it.
Died May 20, 2000 · Age 30
Malik Sealy
Not that it does him any good now, but in a game situation, the other guy would probably have been called for an illegal pick.
Died May 20, 2000 · Age 78
Jean-Pierre Rampal
Played a gold flute, for cryin' out loud. Good riddance, you pansy.
Died May 17, 2000 · Age 61
Paul Bartel
He gave us Death Race 2000, and then he won the damned thing.
Died May 10, 2000 · Age 68
Bill Foster
Grab a beer and drop your pants,
Foster does the cancer dance,
Good-bye, Bozo!
Died May 1, 2000 · Age 74
Steve Reeves
As one of the first to successfully make the leap from oily, near-naked flexing and posing to oily, near-naked flexing and posing in front of a camera, Reeves paved the way for one of our greatest modern movie stars. Yes, it was Steve's ability to overcome his unfortunate voice (picture an adenoidal 7-year-old girl in mild tantrum) that inspired another world-class athlete to step onto a sound stage and into our hearts. Say a little prayer, America, for without Steve Reeves, there would be no Lou Ferrigno.
Died April 27, 2000 · Age 45
Vicki Robinson
First she tried turning the beat around, then it was upside-down .... How about off, is that good?
Died April 25, 2000 · Age 88
David Merrick
He ended up doing alright, for the child of an English circus freak.
Died April 8, 2000 · Age 90
Claire Trevor
Her film credits included "The Last Trail," "Baby Take A Bow," "Dead End," "The Lucky Stiff," "One Mile From Heaven," "Dante's Inferno," "Stop, You're Killing Me," and her last, which ws "Kiss Me Goodbye." The clues are there, folks, you just have to learn how to read 'em.
Died March 27, 2000 · Age 57
Ian Dury
Had to find out the hard way that sex and drugs and rock and roll are NOT all the brain and body need.
Died March 26, 2000 · Age 80
Alex Comfort
The author of 1972's "The Joy Of Sex" has since experienced the relative ennui of gradually dying.
Died March 12, 2000 · Age 87
Mack Robinson
You've heard of the Mack Daddy? This is who they're talking about.
Died February 23, 2000 · Age 42
Ofra Haza
The Wailing Wall: religious sacrament, or noise pollution? On the next Ofra Haza Show.
Died February 12, 2000 · Age 75
Tom Landry
Turns out the reason he never took off that stupid hat is 'cause it was a tumor.
Died February 12, 2000 · Age 54
William Swofford
As he himself once sang, "Fliddy gloop gloopy, nibby nobby nooby, la la la lo lo. Shamma shimmy shaman, nooby abba dabban, lee lee lo lo. Dooby ooby wadda, nooby abba dabba, kicky-wicky bucket time."
Died February 8, 2000 · Age 33
Derrick Thomas
How could such a great defender not wear a seat belt? What an idiot.
Died February 7, 2000 · Age 52
Doug Henning
Abracadabra this, you tie-dyed, buck-toothed, shaggy-headed freak.
Died February 4, 2000 · Age 91
Carl Albert
They called him "The Little Giant From Little Dixie." Have you any idea how close we came to having this midget as President?
Died January 26, 2000 · Age 84
Don Budge
In 1938, he clinched the Grand Slam at Forest Hills, becoming the first ever to do it. Then last year, he crunched his Grand Am in a forest in the hills, and it became the last thing he would ever do. Advantage, tree.
Died January 11, 2000 · Age 79
Bob Lemon
She squeezed him 'til the juice ran down his leg, which normally isn't fatal, but the way she squeezed him made him fall right outta bed.
Died January 7, 2000 · Age 88
Bob Crosby
Nebraska's Boy Governor trades his soap box in on a pine one.
Died January 2, 2000 · Age 68
Nat Adderley
Though every bit as accomplished a musician as his brother, Julian "Cannonball" Adderly, Nat was not nearly as well-known, due in large part to his unfortunate nickname, "Fart Machine."
Died January 2, 2000 · Age 79
Elmo Zumwalt
Famous U.S. Navy Admiral, and later, the inspiration for an extremely popular doll, under its working title, Contaminate-Me-Elmo.