The Stiffs for 1997

For the 31st year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

118

Floyd Cramer · 64

October 27th, 1933 - December 31st, 1997

His last date is over.

117

Michael Kennedy · 39

February 27th, 1958 - December 31st, 1997

Another year, another dead Kennedy. Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

116

Billie Dove · 94

May 14th, 1903 - December 31st, 1997

This bird flew the coop just a few hours too early for some player named Kally.

115

Denver Pyle · 77

May 11th, 1920 - December 25th, 1997

Creator of the Denver omelette, God bless him.

114

Toshiro Mifune · 77

April 1st, 1920 - December 24th, 1997

Okay, so there's six samurai.

113

Juzo Itami · 64

May 15th, 1933 - December 20th, 1997

The little noodle-head killed himself.

112

Dawn Steele · 51

August 19th, 1946 - December 20th, 1997

The fake Don Steele.

111

Jack Bruen · 48

March 25th, 1949 - December 19th, 1997

There's not much Bruen anymore.

110

Chris Farley · 33

February 15th, 1964 - December 18th, 1997

Ever notice that fat and funny often seem to go hand in hand? Unfortunately, so do fat and dead.

109

Nicolette Larson · 45

July 17th, 1952 - December 16th, 1997

It's gonna take a lot more than love to change the way things are now, baby.

108

Lillian Disney · 98

December 31, 1899 - December 16th, 1997

As Walt's sounding board, we have her to thank that that creepy little rodent's name isn't Mortimer Mouse.

107

Stubby Kaye · 79

November 11th, 1918 - December 14th, 1997

Nicely-Nicely's curled up his toesy-woesies. Siddown you're rockin' the boat indeed.

106

Bob Bell

December 8th, 1997

Nobody had this bozo.

105

Michael Hedges · 43

December 31st, 1953 - December 2nd, 1997

That harp guitar's gonna come in handy.

104

Stephane Grappelli

December 1st, 1997

Now playing solo gigs at Le Cold Club, n'est-ce pas?

103

Coleman Young · 79

May 24th, 1918 - November 29th, 1997

Well, he was young once, but now he's dead.

102

Buck Leonard · 90

September 8th, 1907 - November 27th, 1997

He was known as The Black Lou Gehrig, which still doesn't do him justice.

101

Hastings Banda · 99

December 31, 1898 - November 25th, 1997

He was the leader of Malawi. Tell you what: you FIND Malawi on a map, and we'll write a blurb for him. Good? Good.

100

Jorge Canosa · 58

September 21st, 1939 - November 23rd, 1997

No mas Canosa.

Joanna Moore · 63

November 10th, 1934 - November 22nd, 1997

She was in 4 episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. That's only 4 more than I was in. Big WHOOP.

Michael Hutchence · 37

January 22nd, 1960 - November 22nd, 1997

Suicide brunette.

Wally Bruner · 66

March 4th, 1931 - November 4th, 1997

As an ABC news correspondent covering the White House, Vietnam and the Dominican Republic, Bruner earned a Peabody Award nomination in 1965; by '68 he was hosting What's My Line? Is it any wonder that we never heard of him?

Eddie Arcaro · 81

February 19th, 1916 - November 4th, 1997

Fuck you!

Samuel Fuller

October 30th, 1997

Hats Off, kids, it's The Day Of Reckoning for The Big Red One. Put The Crimson Kimono on ol' White Dog, he's just a Dead Pigeon On Beethoven Street, a.k.a. the Street Of No Return. Yep, It Happened In Hollywood, and now The Baron Of Arizona, one of The Meanest Men In The West, has changed his address to Underworld USA. Like, Verboten!, if you catch our drift.

Anton LaVey · 67

April 11th, 1930 - October 29th, 1997

You better look at what the news guys say, 'cause you'll never believe us. Hell, we saw the paper and we still don't believe it.

Paul Jarrico · 82

January 12th, 1915 - October 28th, 1997

The lists don't come any blacker than the one he's on now.

Glenn Buxton

October 19th, 1997

School's out forever.

Nancy Dickerson · 70

January 19th, 1927 - October 18th, 1997

She was the first female news correspondent for CBS, the first female TV reporter on a national political convention floor, and the first female host of a daily network news show, and she now becomes the first significant female stiff about whom we can find nothing even remotely humorous to say.

James A. Michener · 90

February 3rd, 1907 - October 16th, 1997

We're gonna wash that man right out of our hair.

Audra Lindley · 79

September 24th, 1918 - October 16th, 1997

Forget Mrs. Roper � she's a no-hoper.

Harold Robbins

October 14th, 1997

Heavens to Betsy � or is it the other way around?

John Denver

October 12th, 1997

Apparently, since his bags were packed and he was ready to go, he left � but, as it turns out, it was not on a jet plane, but in an experimental, two-seater, single-engine job. Still, it seems safe to say that he does not know when he'll be back again, and that babe, he hated to go.

Johnny Vandermeer

October 6th, 1997

He was on zero lists. Another no-hitter.

Brian Pillman · 35

May 22nd, 1962 - October 5th, 1997

Ordinarily, professional wrestlers don't register on our Fame-O-Meter, but the combination of the club foot and the spelling bee championship make "Flyin' Brian" special.

Al Collins · 78

January 4th, 1919 - September 30th, 1997

Hey, daddy-o, like, he's gonesville, you dig?

Roy Lichenstein

September 29th, 1997

A picture's worth a thousand words ....

Jimmy Witherspoon · 77

August 8th, 1920 - September 18th, 1997

Dead blues guy.

Red Skeleton · 84

July 18th, 1913 - September 17th, 1997

Good night, and God bless.

Georges Guetary · 82

February 8th, 1915 - September 13th, 1997

Finally finished building that stairway to paradise.

Burgess Meredith · 89

November 16th, 1907 - September 9th, 1997

Yo Mick! Mick? Mick?

Derek Taylor · 65

May 7th, 1932 - September 7th, 1997

By all accounts, he was a great guy.

Mobuto Seko · 66

October 14th, 1930 - September 7th, 1997

By all accounts, he was a guy.

Mother Teresa · 87

August 27th, 1910 - September 5th, 1997

We did a ton of research to come up with something really nasty to say about her on this page. She was a terrible poker player.

Georg Solti · 84

October 21st, 1912 - September 5th, 1997

A textbook case of acute vowel deficiency.

Hans Eysenck · 81

March 4th, 1916 - September 4th, 1997

The author of 1965's Smoking, Health And Personality, which theorized that cancer was caused more by an underlying personality disorder than by smoking, has died

Viktor Frankl · 92

March 26th, 1905 - September 2nd, 1997

Having completed his search for meaning in life, he's now on the hunt for meaning in death. Good luck, Doc.

Dodi Al Fayed · 42

April 15th, 1955 - August 31st, 1997

Dodi? What is that about?

Princess Diana · 36

July 1st, 1961 - August 31st, 1997

Man, does this chick know how to grab headlines or what?

Brandon Tartikoff · 48

January 13th, 1949 - August 27th, 1997

The boy-genius who gave the world ALF. Bon voyage, B.T.

Nusrat Ali Khan · 48

October 13th, 1948 - August 16th, 1997

And the hard-partying Qawwali lifestyle claims another victim.

Rex Barney

August 12th, 1997

He pitched a no-hitter for the Brooklyn Dodgers, and then became the P.A. announcer in Baltimore. There's no punch line here, folks, these are just facts.

Don Steele

August 5th, 1997

Cancer, schmancer. You try listening to Frankie Valli every day for 30 years.

Jeanne Calment · 122

December 31, 1875 - August 4th, 1997

She knew Vincent Van Gogh. Think about that for a minute.

William S. Burroughs · 83

February 5th, 1914 - August 2nd, 1997

Possibly the longest, slowest overdose in history.

Fela Anikulapo-Kuti

August 2nd, 1997

The saxophonist-singer-composer was renowned for his political clout, as well as for having hundreds of wives and girlfriends. Do you get the feeling that music is a much bigger deal over in Africa than it is here?

Svyatoslav Richter · 82

March 20th, 1915 - August 1st, 1997

Word is he was a mother on the keys.

Edith Fore · 81

April 4th, 1916 - July 31st, 1997

America's favorite old lady has fallen and failed to get up for the last time.

Ben Hogan

July 28th, 1997

One of the greatest golfers ever. Ugly as a two-dollar mule, but a great golfer.

William Brennan · 91

April 25th, 1906 - July 24th, 1997

The Justice is at peace.

Andrew Cunanan

July 23rd, 1997

Speaking of schmucks, this guy became a celebrity almost overnight. That kind of fame he needed like a hole in the head.

Eugene Shoemaker

July 18th, 1997

Star-gazing was his life, until he got behind the wheel of a car. Shoulda kept his eyes on the road, the schmuck.

Gianni Versace

July 15th, 1997

That serial killer stuff is a bunch of hooey. Our underworld sources tell us that Gianni's death was really a contract killing, ordered by the heads of the Five Fashion Families to keep him from going public with the Versace Papers.

Charles Kuralt

July 4th, 1997

Oy, gevalt, we lost Kuralt.

Johnny Copeland · 60

March 27th, 1937 - July 3rd, 1997

The Texas Twister done blew hisse'f out.

Jimmy Stewart

July 2nd, 1997

Mr. Smith goes to...well, you know.

Robert Mitchum · 79

August 6th, 1917 - July 1st, 1997

You want tough? Mitchum made guys like Charles Bronson and Sylvester Stallone look like the Lennon Sisters.

William Hickey · 69

September 19th, 1927 - June 29th, 1997

Teenagers the world over mourn the loss of this pioneer in the field of making out.

Jacques Cousteau · 87

June 11th, 1910 - June 25th, 1997

After a lifetime of exploration, he finally reached that most elusive mystery of the deep: Davy Jones' locker.

Brian Keith · 75

November 14th, 1921 - June 24th, 1997

Three down, two to go.

Richard Jaeckel · 70

October 10th, 1926 - June 14th, 1997

Guess it's character actor season over at the Hollywood Forest Lawn.

Magda Gabor · 82

June 11th, 1914 - June 6th, 1997

Damn .... Wrong one again.

Ronnie Lane · 51

April 1st, 1946 - June 4th, 1997

There are but two Small Faces left.

George Fenneman

May 29th, 1997

Sooner or later, if you bet your life enough times, you're gonna lose.

Jeff Buckley

May 29th, 1997

A chip off the old block.

Harry Blackstone · 62

June 30th, 1934 - May 14th, 1997

Now you see him .... Now you don't.

Mel Bay · 84

February 25th, 1913 - May 14th, 1997

He's now in the Inner Circle of Fifths.

Alvy Moore

May 4th, 1997

Now you're talkin'. Hank Kimball may have been little more than an annoying agriculture agent to you, but to us he was a legend. Well, not a legend, exactly. More like an old friend of the family. Well, not old, really. Hey, come to think of it, he wasn't even family. Matter of fact, he was kinda on the annoying side, now that you mention it. What was the question again?

Mike Royko · 64

September 19th, 1932 - April 29th, 1997

Knock, knock. Who's there? Owen. Owen who? 0-and-14. That's how the Cubbies started the baseball season this year. Then this guy, the so-called Heart and Soul of Chicago, suddenly kicks the bucket. Coincidence? We don't think so.

Paul Lambert

April 27th, 1997

Ditto.

John Beal · 87

August 13th, 1909 - April 26th, 1997

Two-bit character actor, but it's been a slow month, y'know?

Pat Paulsen · 69

July 6th, 1927 - April 24th, 1997

Dangit. Just when we were ready to vote for him.

Laura Nyro · 49

October 18th, 1947 - April 8th, 1997

Rhymes with "hero," as in sandwich, something she had plenty of at that Stone Soul Picnic of hers.

Jack Cooke

April 6th, 1997

Chalk up another rich old bastard on the tote board.

Allen Ginsberg

April 5th, 1997

Ah.

Harold Melvin · 57

June 25th, 1939 - March 24th, 1997

If you don't know him by now, you will never, never, never know him.

Tony Zale · 83

May 29th, 1913 - March 20th, 1997

He whupped Graziano twice, but he couldn't outlast those weasels Parkinson and Alzheimer.

William DeKooning · 92

April 24th, 1904 - March 18th, 1997

And speaking of abstract ....

Fred Zinnemann · 89

April 29th, 1907 - March 14th, 1997

By all accounts, his is a body of work that speaks for itself. Guess it'll have to, 'cause he's dead.

LaVern Baker · 67

November 11th, 1929 - March 10th, 1997

Not even Jim Dandy can get her out of this one.

The Notorious B.I.G · 24

May 21st, 1972 - March 9th, 1997

R.I.P.

Judi Bari · 47

November 7th, 1949 - March 2nd, 1997

How much wood could a wood chick save if a wood chick didn't die of cancer?

David Doyle · 67

December 1st, 1929 - February 26th, 1997

You may remember him as that marble-mouthed loser from Charlie's Angels. Or, you may remember him as Tom Bosley, which used to really piss him off.

Ben Raleigh · 83

June 16th, 1913 - February 26th, 1997

This Grammy-winning songwriter burned to death in a kitchen fire, and was later cremated. Hopefully, they didn't charge full price.

Albert Shanker · 68

September 14th, 1928 - February 22nd, 1997

He was a cold sore on the lip of right-wing government.

Tony Williams · 51

December 12th, 1945 - February 21st, 1997

He's gigging with Miles again.

Deng Xiaoping · 92

August 22nd, 1904 - February 19th, 1997

Ding dong, ding dong, Deng Xiaopeng is dead and gone.

Don Porter · 84

September 24th, 1912 - February 11th, 1997

When Gidget used to squeal "Daddy'll just die!" she didn't know how right she was. He just died.

Brian Connolly · 51

October 5th, 1945 - February 9th, 1997

He got so sick of trying to tell everybody that Little Willy Willy won't go home, that he finally kicked the bucket.

Pamela Harriman · 76

March 20th, 1920 - February 5th, 1997

She slept with a bunch of political bigwigs and ended up as the U.S. Ambassador to France. You didn't really think Madonna was breaking new ground, did you?

Herb Caen · 80

April 3rd, 1916 - February 1st, 1997

They say he coined the term "beatnik." Now he's dead. Crazy.

Marjorie Reynolds · 79

August 12th, 1917 - February 1st, 1997

The end of the life of Mrs. Riley.

Richard Slattery

January 27th, 1997

Slattery will get you nowhere.

Cecil Lewis

January 27th, 1997

He was decorated as a World War I flying ace, won an Academy Award for his screen adaptation of Pygmalion and also wrote 19 novels, but he'll be best remembered for the endearing relationship he shared with Beany.

Guy Raymond · 85

July 1st, 1911 - January 26th, 1997

The trouble with tribbles is that it's the only thing anyone will ever remember about this guy.

Jeane Dixon · 93

January 5th, 1904 - January 25th, 1997

Guess she didn't see that coming.

Richard Berry · 61

April 11th, 1935 - January 23rd, 1997

Great. Now we'll never know the words to "Louie, Louie."

Colonel Tom Parker · 87

June 26th, 1909 - January 21st, 1997

Does this mean a whole new rash of idiots who can't accept reality will report seeing this guy pumping gas?

Edith Brown · 100

December 31, 1896 - January 20th, 1997

The sinkable Edith Brown.

Curt Flood · 59

January 18th, 1938 - January 20th, 1997

We can only hope that the Major Leaguers of today fully appreciate the enormous personal sacrifices made on their behalf by this courageous man and great ballplayer.

James Dickey · 73

February 2nd, 1923 - January 19th, 1997

One little-publicized fact about the author of Deliverance is that on the set of the movie, he kept begging to be the stand-in for Ned Beatty.

Paul Tsongas · 55

February 14th, 1941 - January 18th, 1997

So longas.

Clyde Tombaugh · 90

February 4th, 1906 - January 17th, 1997

He was credited with discovering Pluto, by many accounts the most popular of the Disney characters.

Robert Irsay · 73

March 5th, 1923 - January 14th, 1997

In a strange funeral ceremony, his body was taken out of town by a Mayflower moving van in the middle of the night.

Jesse White · 80

January 4th, 1917 - January 6th, 1997

It's a matter of social record that this two-bit never-was (best known as the original Maytag repairman) was a dick.

Burton Lane · 84

February 2nd, 1912 - January 5th, 1997

How are things in Glocca Morra, Burt?

Harry Helmsley · 87

March 4th, 1909 - January 2nd, 1997

This is the guy that gave Leona all her money. Thanks a lot, Harry.

Randy California · 45

February 20th, 1951 - January 2nd, 1997

Fresh garbage.

Townes Zandt · 52

March 7th, 1944 - January 1st, 1997

This was a real loss.

Year	Stiffs
2024	44
2023	54
2022	44
2021	56
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!