The Stiffs
For the 32nd year running, our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on anybody’s list, or mattered at all, they’re here. Looking for everybody? Try the Directory.
Harvey Martin
Personal foul .... Roughing the pancreas .... Defense, number 79 ....
Dick Schaap
This means that without Vitale, ESPN would be completely Dickless.
Stuart Adamson
He couldn't stay here with every single hope he had shattered.
Rufus Thomas
He continues his seemingly endless string of R&B dance classics with "The Extra-Funky Chicken."
O.C. Smith
Just for your information, O.C., God DID make the little green apples, it rains in Indianapolis all the fucking time, and you're dead.
Bo Belinsky
While others like to point out that Bo threw the West Coast's first major league no-hitter in '62, we think the most impressive accomplishment of his rookie season was the four-bagger of Ann-Margret, Connie Stevens, Tina Louise and Mamie Van Doren. Talk about your role models ....
Ken Kesey
One flew east, one flew west, and one succumbed to liver cancer.
Juan Bosch
Dominican Republic guy. I don't know if he was any good, but that place sure does make some good underwear.
Herbert Ross
He directed The Sunshine Boys in '75, and Footloose in '84.
What the hell happened in between there?
Mike Mansfield
And with the Eight Is Enough reunion no longer a possibility, Mike throws in the towel.
Samuel Arkoff
Tonight's feature, "How To Stuff A Wood Bikini," or, "The Day The B-Movie Producer's Heart Stood Still."
Dorothy McGuire
A tree grows in Brooklyn, and an actress dies in L.A.
Henry Nasiff
He had the body of a dwarf, but the talent of a midget.
Pauline Kael
Flopping around on her four-poster bed like a trout in a rowboat, she finally kicked the proverbial bucket, going tits-up with all the panache and sophistication of a can of yams.
Christiaan Barnard
The internationally renowned heart specialist, famed for performing the first successful heart transplant, died of an asthma attack, thereby negating any opportunity for a worthwhile blurb, the thoughtless prick.
Aaliyah
If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again, unless you happen to have been in a Cessna, in which case, never mind.
Betty Everett
Shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, shoop, she's in the ground (that's where she is).
Maureen Reagan
Ol' Shit-for-brains is going to be the last one left, isn't he?
Katharine Graham
Looks like she got her tit caught in that big, fat wringer.
Fred Neil
Everybody's talkin' at him, but he can't hear a word they're sayin'.
Ernie K-Doe
The self-proclaimed Emperor of the World joins his mother-in-law down below. Burn, K-Doe, burn.
Mordecai Richler
As the author of the novel "The Apprenticeship Of Duddy Kravitz," he can bear only the smallest fraction of responsibility for the career of Richard Dreyfuss. Still, it's enough for us to say "Good riddance, you yutz."
Mortimer Adler
Eventually, he would be known as the world's highest-paid philosopher, but Mort got his start as the guy in the Bazooka Joe comics with the turtleneck over his face. No, really.
Timothy McVeigh
Until his execution, he was officially recognized as the Most Universally Despised Human (MUDH), a position previously held by O.J. Simpson and Saddam Hussein.
Hmmmm ... wonder who it is now ....
Anthony Quinn
He was reported to have fathered at least 13 children, the last at age 81. Can I get some help from the congregation?
Come on without ... come on within ...
You'll not see nothin' like the mighty Quinn.
Hank Ketcham
He based his world-famous comic strip on the antics of his real-life son, who remains a menace long after changing his surname to Rodman.
Victor Kiam
This is the guy who liked Remington shavers so much, he bought the company. Of course, he also bought the Patriots.
Whitman Mayo
Here's proof that appearances can be deceiving. On Sanford And Son, he looked like a complete idiot, and yet, there's that clinic ....
Boozoo Chavis
Best known for the '54 classic "Paper In My Shoe," and now working on the follow-up, "Dirt On My Head."
Happy Hairston
His given name was Harold, and he's now known as "Somewhat Less Than Thrilled" Hairston.
Brother Theodore
Legend has it that he bought his way out of Dachau and was brought to the U.S. with the help of Albert Einstein. Hey, even geniuses make mistakes.
William Hanna
Billy's got it better than a millionaire;
that's because he isn't even vaguely aware..
Glenn Hughes
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A,
until you come down with A-I-D-S.
Harold Stassen
Some may see it as desperation, but after nine unsuccessful Presidential campaigns, Harold's going for the sympathy vote.
John Fahey
Rolling Stone ranked him the 35th best guitarist of all time. It still took almost twenty years before anyone told us he was dead.
Bill Rigney
He's with the angels now, which is very similar to being with the Angels, except the uniforms aren't as bad.
R.J. Rushdoony
The call him "The Father of Christian Homeschooling". Wow. Bitchin.
Anne Lindbergh
Now it can finally be revealed that Charles was nothing more than a bed-wetting coward, and "Kiss-My-Fanny" Annie did all the flying.
Al McGuire
Coach McGuire demonstrates his unshakable faith in the zone defense known as "the box and one."
Gregory Corso
There once was a poet named Corso
who had a bad gland in his torso.
But, before cancer nailed him,
beat critics once hailed him
as, like, Kerouac, only more so.
