For the 30th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Choose any date combination:      
Edward Herrmann


Edward Herrmann · 71

July 21st, 1943 - December 31st, 2014

He was a GOD at sea.

Luise Rainer


Luise Rainer · 104

January 12th, 1910 - December 30th, 2014

She was in a total of 9 Hollywood films, and won Oscars for best actress for two of them in consecutive years. Then she did nothing for 70 years, and died. What a ride!

Joe Cocker


Joe Cocker · 70

May 20th, 1944 - December 22nd, 2014

Up Where He Belongs

Bess Myerson


Bess Myerson · 90

July 16th, 1924 - December 14th, 2014

Less Bess.

Mary Ann Mobley


Mary Ann Mobley · 75

February 17th, 1939 - December 9th, 2014


Marion Barry


Marion Barry · 78

March 6th, 1936 - November 22nd, 2014

Anyone else wanna take a crack at writing a funny obituary?

Alvin Dark


Alvin Dark · 92

January 7th, 1922 - November 13th, 2014

He sure is.

Jack Bruce


Jack Bruce · 71

May 14th, 1943 - October 25th, 2014

He'll wait in that place where the sun never shines.

Ben Bradlee


Ben Bradlee · 93

August 26th, 1921 - October 21st, 2014

Deep box.

Oscar De Le Renta


Oscar De Le Renta · 82

July 22nd, 1932 - October 20th, 2014

Fashionably late.

Polly Bergen


Polly Bergen · 84

July 14th, 1930 - September 20th, 2014

Polly wanna casket?

Frank Torre


Frank Torre · 82

December 30th, 1931 - September 13th, 2014

He taught his brother Joe everything he knew about baseball. Big WHOOP.

Ian Paisley


Ian Paisley · 88

April 6th, 1926 - September 12th, 2014

Man - this is a huge loss. It takes someone with real talent to entertain MILLIONS of people using your musical gifts. As if that weren't enough, he was a huge philanthropist and did benefit concerts almost every time he was asked. Married to Kimberly Williams (from Father of the Bride as well as other films and TV shows), she was as active as he was. The two of them together formed..

What? IAN Paisley? We thought you said BRAD. Who the FUCK is Ian Paisley? What? Are you serious? How are we supposed to write about THAT? Fuck it. We'll do it later.

Richard Kiel


Richard Kiel

September 10th, 2014

You're gonna need a bigger casket.

Joan Rivers


Joan Rivers · 81

June 8th, 1933 - September 4th, 2014

Embalming not required.

Richard Attenborough


Richard Attenborough · 90

August 29th, 1923 - August 24th, 2014

Great funeral. Spared no expense.

Don Pardo


Don Pardo · 96

February 22nd, 1918 - August 18th, 2014

Saturday Night De.. - no. Wait. We can't do that. That's ridiculous. What have we become? Just going for the obvious? No. This game has a long, proud tradition of finding the funniest blurb we can from a giant pile of steaming obvious. It's time to kick it up a notch. Time to light the collective fire under our asses, and come up with something more than good. Something GREAT. Here we go:

Dammit. Nothing. Fuck. Sorry.

Lauren Bacall


Lauren Bacall · 89

September 16th, 1924 - August 12th, 2014

You know how to succumb, don'tcha, Lauren? You just put your lids together and go.

Robin Williams


Robin Williams · 63

July 21st, 1951 - August 11th, 2014

Dead People's Society.

James Brady


James Brady · 73

August 29th, 1940 - August 4th, 2014

So maybe a 21-gun salute would be inappropriate here ...

James Garner


James Garner · 86

April 7th, 1928 - July 19th, 2014

At the tone, leave your name and message. I'll never get back to you.

Johnny Winter


Johnny Winter · 70

February 23rd, 1944 - July 16th, 2014

He released an album titled Still Alive and Well in 1973.

Tommy Ramone


Tommy Ramone · 62

January 29th, 1952 - July 11th, 2014

Rock rock rock, rock and roll plant food.

Eduard Shevardnadze


Eduard Shevardnadze · 86

January 25th, 1928 - July 7th, 2014


Paul Mazursky


Paul Mazursky · 84

April 25th, 1930 - July 1st, 2014

Downer and Outer.

Bobby Womack


Bobby Womack · 70

March 4th, 1944 - June 27th, 2014

It's all over now.

Eli Wallach


Eli Wallach · 98

December 7th, 1915 - June 24th, 2014

He had a pretty amazing career, with the exception being that his last film was Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Did you see THAT piece of crap? Oh man. Yeah - Michael Douglas was good, and even Shia LaBeouf was passable (and we usually hate him), but the story was just idiotic. Plot twists, weird visions, and a female lead who might as well have not even been there. The ending? Oh man. We've never seen anything so dumb in our lives. How does this sort of thing happen anyway? Doesn't anyone in Hollywood have the BALLS to stand up and say "Hey! Wall Street was great, but it doesn't NEED a sequel! Get your head out of your ass!"? Of course they don't. Because art in Hollywood is dead, and it's just all about money now. It's sad. It really is. Oh yeah. Eli's dead too.

Tony Gwynn


Tony Gwynn · 54

May 9th, 1960 - June 16th, 2014

His nicknames were "Mr. Padre" and "Captain Video". Really? That's the best anyone could do for an 18 time all-star, 7 time silver slugger and 5 time golden glove award winner? How about "The San Diego Hammer" or "Black Lightning"? Jesus - do we have to think up EVERYTHING around here?

Casey Kasem


Casey Kasem · 82

April 27th, 1932 - June 15th, 2014

Here's a long distance dedication to Casey from Reaper G: "I've been waiting for you a long time. I can't wait to spend eternity with you. You're my everything."

Chuck Noll


Chuck Noll · 82

January 5th, 1932 - June 13th, 2014

And void.

Ruby Dee


Ruby Dee · 91

October 27th, 1922 - June 12th, 2014


Don Zimmer


Don Zimmer · 83

January 17th, 1931 - June 4th, 2014

He had what they call a "baseball mind," which is another way of saying that he had a plate in his head and a double-digit IQ.

Ann Davis


Ann Davis · 88

May 5th, 1926 - June 1st, 2014

Where the hell are we going to find 6 pallbearers?

Malcolm Glazer


Malcolm Glazer · 86

May 25th, 1928 - May 28th, 2014

He owned Manchester United AND the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Bottom line: you just can never compensate enough for a receding hairline.

Maya Angelou


Maya Angelou · 86

April 4th, 1928 - May 28th, 2014

I know why the boxed bird just lays there.

Jerry Vale


Jerry Vale · 83

July 8th, 1930 - May 18th, 2014

He sang Have you looked into your heart?, Deep in Your Heart, I've Lost My Heart Again, In the Back of My Heart and Don't Tell My Heart to Stop Loving You - which all of corse work for a dude with heart failure. But somehow Hello and Goodbye just tickles our fancy a bit more. Go figure.

Efrem Zimbalist


Efrem Zimbalist · 95

November 30th, 1918 - May 2nd, 2014

Sunsetted, and stripped.

Bob Hoskins


Bob Hoskins · 71

October 26th, 1942 - April 30th, 2014


Jack Ramsay


Jack Ramsay · 89

February 21st, 1925 - April 27th, 2014

In 1999, he was convicted of the attempted rape of a 14 year old Cree girl. Yeah, yeah - we know. That's the OTHER Jack Ramsay - the politician from Canada. But that was what we got when we looked him up, and we'll be damned if we're reading another 2 paragraphs on the Internet. Last night was 2 for 1 margarita night at Pepe's Palace, and we couldn't control ourselves. Massive hangover. So instead of some basketball guy, you get a Canadian rapist. Sorry. We'll do better next time.



Rubin "Hurricane" Carter · 76

May 6th, 1937 - April 20th, 2014

Today's forecast: 0% chance of hurricane.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez


Gabriel Garcia Marquez · 87

March 6th, 1927 - April 17th, 2014

Even more solitude!

John Pinette


John Pinette · 50

March 23rd, 1964 - April 6th, 2014

(Insert Pine Joke Here)

Mickey Rooney


Mickey Rooney · 93

September 23rd, 1920 - April 6th, 2014

The Commissioner met him on New Years Eve 1999 in Palm Springs. It went like this: Commish: Hello Mr. Rooney - great show. Rooney: Who are you? Commish: The brother in law of your band leader. Rooney: Oh. And he walked away.

Charles Keating


Charles Keating · 90

December 4th, 1923 - March 31st, 2014

The S&L scandal was bad, but what makes this guy a REAL asshole was when he tried to mess with pornography. Rip off all the people you want, but keep the hell away from our porn.

Fred Phelps


Fred Phelps · 84

November 13th, 1929 - March 19th, 2014

If there is a God, it's a safe bet that Fred will be taking it in the ass for all of eternity.

Lawrence Walsh


Lawrence Walsh · 102

January 8th, 1912 - March 19th, 2014


Sam Lacey


Sam Lacey · 65

March 28th, 1948 - March 15th, 2014

Slay Came.

William Clay Ford Sr.


William Clay Ford Sr. · 88

March 14th, 1925 - March 9th, 2014

Lions fans are mourning the loss of a great leader. There are 3 lies in that sentence. See if you can find them.

Harold Ramis


Harold Ramis · 69

November 21st, 1944 - February 24th, 2014

NOW who are you gonna call?

Maria von Trapp


Maria von Trapp · 99

September 28th, 1914 - February 18th, 2014

The hills have finally shut up.

Ralph Waite


Ralph Waite · 85

June 22nd, 1928 - February 13th, 2014

Good night John Boy. Good night Elizabeth. Good night Daddy. Daddy? Daddy?

Sid Caesar


Sid Caesar · 91

September 8th, 1922 - February 12th, 2014

Sid Seizure.

Shirley Temple


Shirley Temple · 85

April 23rd, 1928 - February 10th, 2014

Somewhat slightly less bright eyes.

Ralph Kiner


Ralph Kiner · 91

October 27th, 1922 - February 6th, 2014

Just one of those Kiner days.

Philip Seymour Hoffman


Philip Seymour Hoffman · 46

July 23rd, 1967 - February 2nd, 2014


Maximilian Schell


Maximilian Schell · 83

December 8th, 1930 - February 1st, 2014

Maxed out.

Pete Seeger


Pete Seeger · 94

May 3rd, 1919 - January 27th, 2014

Where have all the folkies gone?

Claudio Abbado


Claudio Abbado · 80

June 26th, 1933 - January 20th, 2014

Never heard of him? How have you not heard of him? He won the Grand cross of the Légion d'honneur, Bundesverdienstkreuz for chrissakes. Try reading the paper every once in a while. Sheesh.

Dave Madden


Dave Madden · 82

December 17th, 1931 - January 16th, 2014

Played the manager of The Partridge Family, then a diner patron on Alice. We thought he was either a football guy or someone to do with women's shoes. Either way - somehow he's a celebrity.

Russell Johnson


Russell Johnson · 89

November 10th, 1924 - January 16th, 2014

And now we'll never know the answer to the question that only the Professor can answer. Ginger? Or Mary Ann?

Ariel Sharon


Ariel Sharon · 85

February 26th, 1928 - January 11th, 2014

An Israeli general who has GIRL names for both his first AND last names. Pussy.

Run Run Shaw


Run Run Shaw · 106

November 23rd, 1907 - January 6th, 2014

Done done.

Phil Everly


Phil Everly · 74

January 19th, 1939 - January 3rd, 2014

Hello, emptiness.



Guess the Stiff!

Well, he wasn't on anybody's list, so, that's kinda sneaky.

(d) January 6th, 2007