Saturday Night De.. - no. Wait. We can't do that. That's ridiculous. What have we become? Just going for the obvious? No. This game has a long, proud tradition of finding the funniest blurb we can from a giant pile of steaming obvious. It's time to kick it up a notch. Time to light the collective fire under our asses, and come up with something more than good. Something GREAT. Here we go:
Dammit. Nothing. Fuck. Sorry.
Things he invented:
Chop-O-Matic (for chopping food, which was apparently WAY too hard)
Veg-O-Matic (same thing, but for slicing veggies)
Pocket Fisherman (so you can carry a fishing pole everywhere you go)
Mr. Microphone (apparently for assaulting hot women on the street)
Inside the shell egg scrambler (yes, seriously)
Showtime Rotisserie (like a regular rotisserie, but smaller)
GLH-9 - Hair in a Spray Can (Yes. Hair. In a can.)
Drain Buster (No idea.)
Smokeless Ashtray (Ashtray with a fan. Where did the smoke go?)
Electric Food Dehydrator (For sucking both moisture and flavor out of foods)
Automatic Pasta Maker (NOT automatic, we promise)
Rhinestone Stud Setter (Bedazzling before the bedazzler)
The Cap Snaffler (a bottle opener)
This is where the definition of "celebrity" gets very hazy.
(d) July 18th, 2021