The Stiffs for 2005

For the 30th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Birgit Nilsson · 87

May 17th, 1918 - December 25th, 2005

Of all the opera singers to come out of V�stra Karup in Sk�ne (roughly 60 miles north of Malm�), she was our favorite.

Vincent Gigante · 77

March 29th, 1928 - December 19th, 2005

Nicknamed "The Chin," as in, "took it on the ...."

Jack Anderson · 83

October 19th, 1922 - December 17th, 2005

This guy wasn't much of a gentleman, and we don't know where the hell he was from, but he's gonna yield just the same.

William Proxmire · 90

November 11th, 1915 - December 15th, 2005

... and so will the gentleman from Wisconsin.

Richard Pryor · 65

December 1st, 1940 - December 10th, 2005

His flame, finally, has gone out.

Eugene McCarthy · 89

March 29th, 1916 - December 10th, 2005

The gentleman from Minnesota will yield ...

Bud Carson · 75

April 28th, 1930 - December 7th, 2005

That Steel Curtain was a hell of a defense, but it's not much good against emphysema.

George Best · 59

May 22nd, 1946 - November 25th, 2005

Northern Irish footballer. Drank a bit.

Pat Morita · 73

June 28th, 1932 - November 24th, 2005

Wax off.

Chris Whitley · 45

August 31st, 1960 - November 20th, 2005

Living in big sky country.

Ralph Edwards · 92

June 13th, 1913 - November 16th, 2005

This is your death.

Robert Tisch · 79

April 29th, 1926 - November 15th, 2005

Some rich old asshole.

Link Wray · 76

May 2nd, 1929 - November 5th, 2005

Now missing.

Skitch Henderson · 87

January 27th, 1918 - November 1st, 2005

His newest generation of fans had come to know him as "Skeeyotch."

Al Lopez · 97

August 20th, 1908 - October 30th, 2005

Jesus Christ, another million-year-old baseball player. Give us a frickin' break!

Wellington Mara · 89

August 14th, 1916 - October 25th, 2005

Wellington? What a fag.

Rosa Parks · 92

February 4th, 1913 - October 24th, 2005

End of the line, lady.

Louis Nye · 92

May 1st, 1913 - October 9th, 2005

Hi ho, Reaperino!

Nipsey Russell · 87

September 15th, 1918 - October 2nd, 2005

For years, his wit made him perfect
For game shows and talk shows and roasts
But now, TV's "Poet Laureate"
Ain't got shit to say, 'cause he's toast.

Don Adams · 82

April 13th, 1923 - September 25th, 2005

Agent 86ed.

Simon Wiesenthal · 96

December 31st, 1908 - September 20th, 2005

Maybe now we can all stop pretending that whole Holocaust thing ever happened.

Robert Wise · 91

September 10th, 1914 - September 14th, 2005

That's great, but he's still dead.

Chris Schenkel · 82

August 21st, 1923 - September 11th, 2005

The pride of Bippus, Indiana. Doesn't exactly make you want to pack your bags, does it?

Clarence 'Gatemouth' Brown · 81

April 18th, 1924 - September 10th, 2005

Truly an inspiration, Clarence became a successful musician and singer despite his horrific dental deformity.

William Rehnquist · 80

October 1st, 1924 - September 3rd, 2005

There goes the neighborhood ....

Bob Denver · 70

January 9th, 1935 - September 2nd, 2005

Hard to believe this little idiot lasted as long as he did.

Gene Mauch · 79

November 18th, 1925 - August 8th, 2005

Loser.

Barbara Geddes · 82

October 31st, 1922 - August 8th, 2005

Miss Ellie just wasn't the same after J.R.'s second marriage failed, and then when she had to throw Clayton out of the house, well, you know the kind of strain that can put on a woman's heart, plus, with the boys fighting all the time...how the hell did anybody watch this crap?

Peter Jennings · 67

July 29th, 1938 - August 7th, 2005

Showbiz can be screwy, sometimes, but there's a good chance that this will have a seriously negative impact on his ratings.

Little Milton · 70

September 7th, 1934 - August 4th, 2005

Even if walls could talk, Milt wouldn't hear 'em.

King Fahd · 84

March 16th, 1921 - July 31st, 2005

This was no super-model either, now that you mention it.

Pat McCormick · 78

June 30th, 1927 - July 29th, 2005

This was one big, ugly dude, you know that?

Hildegarde Sell · 99

February 1st, 1906 - July 29th, 2005

Gettin' hard.

John Baldry · 64

January 12th, 1941 - July 21st, 2005

He was hailed as a British blues legend, a phrase with about as much meaning as "French war hero."

James Doohan · 85

March 3rd, 1920 - July 20th, 2005

He definitely can't get any more power, Captain.

William Westmoreland · 91

March 26th, 1914 - July 18th, 2005

So much for that light at the end of the tunnel.

Edward Heath · 89

July 9th, 1916 - July 17th, 2005

Ha-ha, Mr. Heath.

Geraldine Fitzgerald · 91

November 24th, 1913 - July 16th, 2005

From Wuthering Heights to the smothering depths.

James Stockdale · 81

December 23rd, 1923 - July 5th, 2005

Who was he? Why was he here?

Hank Stram · 82

January 3rd, 1923 - July 4th, 2005

Happy Independence Day, Coach.

Luther Vandross · 54

April 20th, 1951 - July 1st, 2005

Not here. Not now.

Shelby Foote · 88

November 17th, 1916 - June 27th, 2005

All through that Civil War epic, we thought he was folksy and charming — but as soon as he showed up in the baseball thing, we hated his guts. Maybe it was the beard.

Paul Winchell · 82

December 21st, 1922 - June 24th, 2005

Say a prayer for the Donut King.

Cardinal Sin · 76

August 31st, 1928 - June 21st, 2005

There's really nothing to add, is there?

Anne Bancroft · 73

September 17th, 1931 - June 7th, 2005

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

Leon Askin · 97

September 18th, 1907 - June 3rd, 2005

Looks like they sent General Burkhalter to the Russian front.

George Mikan · 80

June 18th, 1924 - June 1st, 2005

Later, geek.

Eddie Albert · 99

April 22nd, 1906 - May 26th, 2005

Keep Manhattan, just give me formaldehyde.

Thurl Ravenscroft · 91

February 6th, 1914 - May 22nd, 2005

He's as cuddly as a cactus.

Howard Morris · 85

September 4th, 1919 - May 21st, 2005

Uncle Goopy!!

Frank Gorshin · 72

April 5th, 1933 - May 17th, 2005

Riddled with cancer.

Peter Rodino · 95

June 7th, 1909 - May 7th, 2005

That's gotta suck. Three more weeks and he would've found out who Deep Throat was.

John Mills · 97

February 22nd, 1908 - April 23rd, 2005

Sir John Mills, right? British guy?
We got nothin'.

John Fred · 63

May 8th, 1941 - April 15th, 2005

Johnny's in disguise (as ashes).

Prince Rainier · 81

May 31st, 1923 - April 6th, 2005

No offense, Your Highness, but your beer SUCKS.

Saul Bellow · 89

June 10th, 1915 - April 5th, 2005

Six feet bellow, to be exact.

Pope John Paul II · 84

May 18th, 1920 - April 2nd, 2005

Sic transit gloria mundi.

Frank Perdue · 84

May 9th, 1920 - March 31st, 2005

A man named Perdue, who sold chicken
Did so well, it would make your heart quicken
For six decades old Frank
Clucked his way to the bank
'Til the day that his own heart stopped tickin'

Howell Heflin · 83

June 19th, 1921 - March 29th, 2005

He put the "scum" in "Tuscumbia, Alabama".

Johnnie Cochran · 67

October 2nd, 1937 - March 29th, 2005

If he doesn't breathe, you must bereave.

Rod Price · 57

November 22nd, 1947 - March 22nd, 2005

What more fitting send-off can we possibly give to the lead guitarist for Foghat than "Take it easy (arreear-neearr dahna danahna)"?

Bobby Short · 80

September 15th, 1924 - March 21st, 2005

Bobby dead, too.

John DeLorean · 80

January 6th, 1925 - March 19th, 2005

Any truth to the rumor that his coffin features a gull-wing lid?

George Kennan · 101

February 16th, 1904 - March 17th, 2005

This guy predicted Russki trouble way before anyone else, and he was great in Airport '79.

Hans Bethe · 98

July 2nd, 1906 - March 6th, 2005

Pronounced like "beta." We'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Martin Denny · 93

April 10th, 1911 - March 2nd, 2005

That village is getting quieter all the time, huh, Marty?

Harry Simeone · 93

May 9th, 1911 - February 22nd, 2005

No, dude, we definitely do not hear what you hear.

Gene Scott · 75

August 14th, 1929 - February 21st, 2005

This guy was the greatest. Unlike any other televangelist, he came across as a psycho college professor, unkempt and ranting, possibly on drugs. Sometimes he played sax. Once, when he was upset about the paucity of donations, we watched him smoke an entire cigar, without saying a word, for twenty minutes. This was late-night UHF programming at its most riveting, folks, and Dr. Gene will be missed.

John Raitt · 88

January 29th, 1917 - February 20th, 2005

Are you ready for a thing called death?

Hunter S. Thompson · 67

July 18th, 1937 - February 20th, 2005

Looks like his loathing finally overcame his fear.

Sandra Dee · 62

April 23rd, 1942 - February 20th, 2005

Gidget goes to Hell.

Arthur Miller · 89

October 17th, 1915 - February 10th, 2005

Death of a playwright, who just happens to have spent five years boning Marilyn Monroe.

Jimmy Smith · 76

December 8th, 1928 - February 8th, 2005

Organ player ... uh ... organ donor ... uh ... something with organs ....

Ossie Davis · 87

December 18th, 1917 - February 4th, 2005

Ossie ya later.

Max Schmeling · 99

September 28th, 1905 - February 2nd, 2005

Acht ... Neun ... Zehn ... AUS!

John Vernon · 72

February 24th, 1932 - February 1st, 2005

In the words of former U.S. Senator John 'Bluto' Blutarsky, "Wormer? He's a dead man!"

Philip Johnson · 98

July 8th, 1906 - January 25th, 2005

Design flaw.

Johnny Carson · 79

October 23rd, 1925 - January 23rd, 2005

He-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ere's eternity!

Rose Woods · 87

December 26th, 1917 - January 22nd, 2005

The truth finally comes out, now that she's gone, that Nixon
&n

Virginia Mayo · 84

November 30th, 1920 - January 17th, 2005

Held.

Ruth Warrick · 89

June 29th, 1915 - January 15th, 2005

She was a daytime soap opera star.

Rosemary Kennedy · 86

September 13th, 1918 - January 7th, 2005

Guess we were about due for another one of these.

Danny Sugerman · 50

October 11th, 1954 - January 5th, 2005

Broke on through.

Shirley Chisholm · 80

November 30th, 1924 - January 2nd, 2005

Happy trails, Shirl.

Year	Stiffs
2024	12
2023	52
2022	44
2021	56
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!