The Stiffs for 2012

For the 30th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Norman Schwarzkopf · 78

August 22nd, 1934 - December 27th, 2012

First it was Desert Shield, then Desert Storm. Now it's just Deserted.

Harry Carey · 91

May 16th, 1921 - December 27th, 2012

Cubs win! Cubs win! What? No? Oh - sorry.

Jack Klugman · 90

April 27th, 1922 - December 24th, 2012

Odd man out.

Charles Durning · 89

February 28th, 1923 - December 24th, 2012

He stormed the beach at Normandy, then killed an attacking enemy soldier with a rock after being seriously wounded. After that, he went on to play Santa Claus in Elmo Saves Christmas, and then died on Christmas Eve. We're not sure how that all fits together, but it's pretty weird.

Robert Bork · 85

March 1st, 1927 - December 19th, 2012

Bork: something being misconfigured or broken. Yep. That looks to be about right.

Daniel Inouye · 88

September 7th, 1924 - December 17th, 2012

Hanging WAY loose now.

Ravi Shankar · 92

April 7th, 1920 - December 11th, 2012

Everyone knows it: sitar players get ALL the chicks.

Dave Brubeck · 91

December 6th, 1920 - December 5th, 2012

Take 5. Hell, take 10.

Rick Majerus · 64

February 17th, 1948 - December 1st, 2012

He had a 517-215 record is his 25 years of coaching, and went to 12 NCAA tournaments without ever winning a national title. He's also dead.

Hector "Macho" Camacho · 50

May 24th, 1962 - November 24th, 2012

You think that Village People song is about this little weirdo? Yeah - so do we.

Larry Hagman · 81

September 21st, 1931 - November 23rd, 2012

I Dream of Breathing.

Warren Rudman · 82

May 18th, 1930 - November 19th, 2012

Off the fiscal cliff.

Lee MacPhail · 95

October 25th, 1917 - November 8th, 2012

Phailure.

Russell Means · 72

November 10th, 1939 - October 22nd, 2012

He was in The Last of the Mohicans, but he was an Oglala Sioux. Man that pisses us off.

George McGovern · 90

July 19th, 1922 - October 21st, 2012

Well, now I guess he expects us ALL to just kiss his ass.

Sylvia Kristel · 60

September 28th, 1952 - October 18th, 2012

Porn star. Throat cancer. Coincidence? Yeah. Probably.

Arlen Specter · 82

February 12th, 1930 - October 14th, 2012

Regardless of who gets elected, ol' Arlen's going to be flip-flopping in his grave.

King Sihanouk · 89

October 31st, 1922 - October 14th, 2012

After he abdicated the throne of Cambodia, his official title was "Preah Karuna Preah Bat S�mdech Preah Norodom Sihanouk Preahm�haviraksat" - which translated means "Sacred Compassionate Foot Lord Sacred Best Jaws of the Lion Sacred Great Brave Warrior". Yeah. Ok. Whatever.

Gary Collins · 74

April 30th, 1938 - October 13th, 2012

He hosted the Miss America pageant and then married a former Miss America. Sounds like a conflict of interest to us.

Alex Karras · 77

July 15th, 1935 - October 10th, 2012

Goodnight, Mongo.

Herbert Lom · 95

September 11th, 1917 - September 27th, 2012

He was the Chief Inspector in The Pink Panther movies, sure. But more importantly, he was the child of Karl ze Schluderpacheru and his spouse Olga n�e Gottlieb who were members of Austrian nobility. If that's not celebrity, then we don't know what is.

Andy Williams · 84

December 3rd, 1927 - September 26th, 2012

Tomb River.

Steve Sabol · 69

October 2nd, 1942 - September 18th, 2012

The guy won 40 emmys for making movies about football. Not sure if that means he was great at it, or the emmys are stupid.

Art Modell · 87

June 23rd, 1925 - September 6th, 2012

Art should be buried in Cleveland, and then 35 years from now he should be dug up, dragged and dumped in Baltimore.

Michael Duncan · 54

December 10th, 1957 - September 3rd, 2012

Corpse, like the Marines, 'cept spelt different...

Sun Myoung Moon · 92

February 25th, 1920 - September 2nd, 2012

Proof that dedicating your life to the church doesn't mean you can't be a greedy billionaire asshole too.

Hal David · 91

May 25th, 1921 - September 1st, 2012

This should keep those raindrops off his head.

Neil Armstrong · 82

August 5th, 1930 - August 25th, 2012

That's one small death for man, one giant death for mankind.

Phyllis Diller · 95

July 17th, 1917 - August 20th, 2012

This is one of those times when being a mortician must be really, really tough.

Scott McKenzie · 73

January 10th, 1939 - August 19th, 2012

Be sure to wear pennies on your eyes.

Ron Palillo · 63

April 2nd, 1949 - August 14th, 2012

Horshack? Arnold Horshack was famous? How the fuck did that happen?

Johnny Pesky · 92

September 27th, 1919 - August 13th, 2012

He was nicknamed "The Needle", and had a pole at Fenway named after him. You figure it out.

Helen Gurley Brown · 90

February 18th, 1922 - August 13th, 2012

Brown is the new black.

Judith Crist · 90

May 22nd, 1922 - August 7th, 2012

Two thumbs down.

Marvin Hamlisch · 68

June 2nd, 1944 - August 7th, 2012

The way he is.

Gore Vidal · 86

October 3rd, 1925 - July 31st, 2012

Is this the hair guy? Or the writer? Someone look it up.

Tony Martin · 98

December 25th, 1913 - July 30th, 2012

Most definitely No Tomorrow now.

Sherman Hemsley · 74

February 1st, 1938 - July 24th, 2012

Here we go again. Please forward your genius suggestion for the ultra-obvious "Movin' on down" obit for this boring one-trick pony to LameObitAdvice@stiffs.com

Chad Everett · 76

June 11th, 1936 - July 24th, 2012

This man needs a doctor!

Sally Ride · 61

May 26th, 1951 - July 23rd, 2012

Not no more she don't.

Stephen Covey · 79

October 24th, 1932 - July 16th, 2012

#8. Keep breathing.

Kitty Wells · 92

August 30th, 1919 - July 16th, 2012

Why do country singers always seem to have the best porn names?

Celeste Holm · 95

April 29th, 1917 - July 15th, 2012

Married a 41 year old guy when she turned 87. What a slut.

Ernest Borgnine · 95

January 24th, 1917 - July 8th, 2012

2011: Wins SAG Lifetime Achievement Award.
2012: Dead

This is what The Woody Herman Phenomenon is all about.

Andy Griffith · 86

June 1st, 1926 - July 3rd, 2012

Great. Now we're going to have that stupid whistling in our head all day.

Yitzhak Shamir · 96

October 15th, 1915 - June 30th, 2012

Restin' in peace
In the Middle East

Nora Ephron · 71

May 19th, 1941 - June 26th, 2012

Because when you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as...oops. Never mind.

LeRoy Neiman · 91

June 8th, 1921 - June 20th, 2012

Painted himself into a coroner.

Rodney King · 47

April 2nd, 1965 - June 17th, 2012

Can't we all just learn how to swim?

Dan Dorfman · 80

October 24th, 1931 - June 16th, 2012

Dorfman dropped dead. Dearly departed Dan.

Henry Hill · 69

June 11th, 1943 - June 12th, 2012

Deadfella.

Frank Cady · 96

September 8th, 1915 - June 10th, 2012

Off to the REAL Green Acres.

Ray Bradbury · 91

August 22nd, 1920 - June 6th, 2012

Something wicked this way smells.

Richard Dawson · 79

November 20th, 1932 - June 2nd, 2012

100 people were surveyed, top 5 answers are on the board, here's the question: What talentless, unattractive, kiss-crazy game show weirdo finally got beat by esophageal cancer?

Doc Watson · 89

March 3rd, 1923 - May 29th, 2012

And you thought he was blue before.

Abdelbaset Al Megrahi · 60

April 1st, 1952 - May 20th, 2012

As the cowardly loser responsible for bombing Pan Am 103, we hope he enjoys an eternity of playing horseshoes with Gaddafi in hell.

Robin Gibb · 62

December 22nd, 1949 - May 20th, 2012

6 hours. That's how long we spent trying to figure out how to work "Stayin' Alive" into an obit. Fuck it. He's dead.

Donna Summer · 63

December 31st, 1948 - May 17th, 2012

Last dance.

Donald Duck Dunn · 70

November 24th, 1941 - May 13th, 2012

Went from goat piss to gasoline.

Carroll Shelby · 89

January 11th, 1923 - May 11th, 2012

Stalled.

Vidal Sassoon · 84

January 17th, 1928 - May 9th, 2012

I guess we don't look good.

Maurice Sendak · 83

June 10th, 1928 - May 8th, 2012

Maurice roared his terrible roar and gnashed his terrible teeth and rolled his terrible eyes and showed his terrible claws- till Max said "BE STILL!"

Junior Seau · 43

January 19th, 1969 - May 2nd, 2012

He sure did.

Amarillo Slim · 83

December 31st, 1928 - April 29th, 2012

And getting slimmer all the time.

Levon Helm · 71

May 26th, 1940 - April 19th, 2012

His two big hit albums were Electric Dirt and Dirt Farmer. 'Nuff said.

Dick Clark · 82

November 30th, 1929 - April 18th, 2012

5!
4!
3!
2!

Dick? Dick?

Mike Wallace · 93

May 9th, 1918 - April 7th, 2012

tick ... tick ... tick ... tick ...

Thomas Kinkade · 54

January 19th, 1958 - April 6th, 2012

Snuffed.

Earl Scruggs · 88

January 6th, 1924 - March 28th, 2012

He was proof that banjo players get all the chicks.

Ivan Demyanyuk · 91

April 3rd, 1920 - March 17th, 2012

He was a Nazi war criminal convicted of 27,900 counts of murder, and he lived in Cleveland for most of his life. Figures.

Davy Jones · 66

December 30th, 1945 - February 29th, 2012

Actually, he IS our stepping stone now.

Gary Carter · 57

April 8th, 1954 - February 16th, 2012

He "caught" cancer. Get it? He was a catcher! Ha ha!

Whitney Houston · 48

August 9th, 1963 - February 11th, 2012

Houston, we have a problem.

Ben Gazzara · 81

August 28th, 1930 - February 3rd, 2012

If it's Friday, he must be dead.

Don Cornelius · 75

September 27th, 1936 - February 1st, 2012

The train has left the station.

Angelo Dundee · 90

August 30th, 1921 - February 1st, 2012

As Ali said about him recently "Angelo inna goo goo ga na ma ma".

Robert Hegyes · 60

May 7th, 1951 - January 26th, 2012

Dear Mr. Kotter,

Please excuse Epstein from school. He's dead.

Signed,

Epstein's Mother

Joe Paterno · 85

December 21st, 1926 - January 22nd, 2012

Nothing will overshadow the fact that he was the winningest coach in major college football history.
Wait. What? Seriously?

Etta James · 73

January 25th, 1938 - January 20th, 2012

We know what you're expecting us to write here, but guess what: no go. It's just too easy, and besides - she kicked her drug habit 20+ years ago, and only got sick about a year ago. So now will you leave us alone about it - At Last?

Johnny Otis · 90

December 28th, 1921 - January 17th, 2012

Wikipedia says, "In 1969 he recorded an album of sexually explicit material under the name 'Snatch and the Poontangs'." That's good enough for us.

William Janklow · 72

September 13th, 1939 - January 12th, 2012

He was a dubious politician convicted of vehicular manslaughter who had brain cancer. Are we sure he wasn't a Kennedy?

Year	Stiffs
2024	39
2023	54
2022	44
2021	56
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!