For the 23rd year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Choose any date combination:      
Norman Schwarzkopf

81

Norman Schwarzkopf · 78

August 22nd, 1934 - December 27th, 2012


First it was Desert Shield, then Desert Storm. Now it's just Deserted.

Harry Carey

80

Harry Carey · 91

May 16th, 1921 - December 27th, 2012


Cubs win! Cubs win! What? No? Oh - sorry.

Jack Klugman

79

Jack Klugman · 90

April 27th, 1922 - December 24th, 2012


Odd man out.

Charles Durning

78

Charles Durning · 89

February 28th, 1923 - December 24th, 2012


He stormed the beach at Normandy, then killed an attacking enemy soldier with a rock after being seriously wounded. After that, he went on to play Santa Claus in Elmo Saves Christmas, and then died on Christmas Eve. We're not sure how that all fits together, but it's pretty weird.

Robert Bork

77

Robert Bork · 85

March 1st, 1927 - December 19th, 2012


Bork: something being misconfigured or broken. Yep. That looks to be about right.

Daniel Inouye

76

Daniel Inouye · 88

September 7th, 1924 - December 17th, 2012


Hanging WAY loose now.

Ravi Shankar

75

Ravi Shankar · 92

April 7th, 1920 - December 11th, 2012


Everyone knows it: sitar players get ALL the chicks.

Dave Brubeck

74

Dave Brubeck · 91

December 6th, 1920 - December 5th, 2012


Take 5. Hell, take 10.

Rick Majerus

73

Rick Majerus · 64

February 17th, 1948 - December 1st, 2012


He had a 517-215 record is his 25 years of coaching, and went to 12 NCAA tournaments without ever winning a national title. He's also dead.

Hector

72

Hector "Macho" Camacho · 50

May 24th, 1962 - November 24th, 2012


You think that Village People song is about this little weirdo? Yeah - so do we.

Larry Hagman

71

Larry Hagman · 81

September 21st, 1931 - November 23rd, 2012


I Dream of Breathing.

Warren Rudman

70

Warren Rudman · 82

May 18th, 1930 - November 19th, 2012


Off the fiscal cliff.

Lee MacPhail

69

Lee MacPhail · 95

October 25th, 1917 - November 8th, 2012


Phailure.

Russell Means

68

Russell Means · 72

November 10th, 1939 - October 22nd, 2012


He was in The Last of the Mohicans, but he was an Oglala Sioux. Man that pisses us off.

George McGovern

67

George McGovern · 90

July 19th, 1922 - October 21st, 2012


Well, now I guess he expects us ALL to just kiss his ass.

Sylvia Kristel

66

Sylvia Kristel · 60

September 28th, 1952 - October 18th, 2012


Porn star. Throat cancer. Coincidence? Yeah. Probably.

Arlen Specter

65

Arlen Specter · 82

February 12th, 1930 - October 14th, 2012


Regardless of who gets elected, ol' Arlen's going to be flip-flopping in his grave.

King Sihanouk

64

King Sihanouk · 89

October 31st, 1922 - October 14th, 2012


After he abdicated the throne of Cambodia, his official title was "Preah Karuna Preah Bat Sâmdech Preah Norodom Sihanouk Preahmâhaviraksat" - which translated means "Sacred Compassionate Foot Lord Sacred Best Jaws of the Lion Sacred Great Brave Warrior". Yeah. Ok. Whatever.

Gary Collins

63

Gary Collins · 74

April 30th, 1938 - October 13th, 2012


He hosted the Miss America pageant and then married a former Miss America. Sounds like a conflict of interest to us.

Alex Karras

62

Alex Karras · 77

July 15th, 1935 - October 10th, 2012


Goodnight, Mongo.

Herbert Lom

61

Herbert Lom · 95

September 11th, 1917 - September 27th, 2012


He was the Chief Inspector in The Pink Panther movies, sure. But more importantly, he was the child of Karl ze Schluderpacheru and his spouse Olga née Gottlieb who were members of Austrian nobility. If that's not celebrity, then we don't know what is.

Andy Williams

60

Andy Williams · 84

December 3rd, 1927 - September 26th, 2012


Tomb River.

Steve Sabol

59

Steve Sabol · 69

October 2nd, 1942 - September 18th, 2012


The guy won 40 emmys for making movies about football. Not sure if that means he was great at it, or the emmys are stupid.

Art Modell

58

Art Modell · 87

June 23rd, 1925 - September 6th, 2012


Art should be buried in Cleveland, and then 35 years from now he should be dug up, dragged and dumped in Baltimore.

Michael Duncan

57

Michael Duncan · 54

December 10th, 1957 - September 3rd, 2012


Corpse, like the Marines, 'cept spelt different...

Sun Myoung Moon

56

Sun Myoung Moon · 92

February 25th, 1920 - September 2nd, 2012


Proof that dedicating your life to the church doesn't mean you can't be a greedy billionaire asshole too.

Hal David

55

Hal David · 91

May 25th, 1921 - September 1st, 2012


This should keep those raindrops off his head.

Neil Armstrong

54

Neil Armstrong · 82

August 5th, 1930 - August 25th, 2012


That's one small death for man, one giant death for mankind.

Phyllis Diller

53

Phyllis Diller · 95

July 17th, 1917 - August 20th, 2012


This is one of those times when being a mortician must be really, really tough.

Scott McKenzie

52

Scott McKenzie · 73

January 10th, 1939 - August 19th, 2012


Be sure to wear pennies on your eyes.

Ron Palillo

51

Ron Palillo · 63

April 2nd, 1949 - August 14th, 2012


Horshack? Arnold Horshack was famous? How the fuck did that happen?

Johnny Pesky

50

Johnny Pesky · 92

September 27th, 1919 - August 13th, 2012


He was nicknamed "The Needle", and had a pole at Fenway named after him. You figure it out.

Helen Gurley Brown

49

Helen Gurley Brown · 90

February 18th, 1922 - August 13th, 2012


Brown is the new black.

Judith Crist

48

Judith Crist · 90

May 22nd, 1922 - August 7th, 2012


Two thumbs down.

Marvin Hamlisch

47

Marvin Hamlisch · 68

June 2nd, 1944 - August 7th, 2012


The way he is.

Gore Vidal

46

Gore Vidal · 86

October 3rd, 1925 - July 31st, 2012


Is this the hair guy? Or the writer? Someone look it up.

Tony Martin

45

Tony Martin · 98

December 25th, 1913 - July 30th, 2012


Most definitely No Tomorrow now.

Sherman Hemsley

44

Sherman Hemsley · 74

February 1st, 1938 - July 24th, 2012


Here we go again. Please forward your genius suggestion for the ultra-obvious "Movin' on down" obit for this boring one-trick pony to LameObitAdvice@stiffs.com

Chad Everett

43

Chad Everett · 76

June 11th, 1936 - July 24th, 2012


This man needs a doctor!

Sally Ride

42

Sally Ride · 61

May 26th, 1951 - July 23rd, 2012


Not no more she don't.

Stephen Covey

41

Stephen Covey · 79

October 24th, 1932 - July 16th, 2012


#8. Keep breathing.

Kitty Wells

40

Kitty Wells · 92

August 30th, 1919 - July 16th, 2012


Why do country singers always seem to have the best porn names?

Celeste Holm

39

Celeste Holm · 95

April 29th, 1917 - July 15th, 2012


Married a 41 year old guy when she turned 87. What a slut.

Ernest Borgnine

38

Ernest Borgnine · 95

January 24th, 1917 - July 8th, 2012


2011: Wins SAG Lifetime Achievement Award.
2012: Dead

This is what The Woody Herman Phenomenon is all about.

Andy Griffith

37

Andy Griffith · 86

June 1st, 1926 - July 3rd, 2012


Great. Now we're going to have that stupid whistling in our head all day.

Yitzhak Shamir

36

Yitzhak Shamir · 96

October 15th, 1915 - June 30th, 2012


Restin' in peace
In the Middle East

Nora Ephron

35

Nora Ephron · 71

May 19th, 1941 - June 26th, 2012


Because when you decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as...oops. Never mind.

LeRoy Neiman

34

LeRoy Neiman · 91

June 8th, 1921 - June 20th, 2012


Painted himself into a coroner.

Rodney King

33

Rodney King · 47

April 2nd, 1965 - June 17th, 2012


Can't we all just learn how to swim?

Dan Dorfman

32

Dan Dorfman · 80

October 24th, 1931 - June 16th, 2012


Dorfman dropped dead. Dearly departed Dan.

Henry Hill

31

Henry Hill · 69

June 11th, 1943 - June 12th, 2012


Deadfella.

Frank Cady

30

Frank Cady · 96

September 8th, 1915 - June 10th, 2012


Off to the REAL Green Acres.

Ray Bradbury

29

Ray Bradbury · 91

August 22nd, 1920 - June 6th, 2012


Something wicked this way smells.

Richard Dawson

28

Richard Dawson · 79

November 20th, 1932 - June 2nd, 2012


100 people were surveyed, top 5 answers are on the board, here's the question: What talentless, unattractive, kiss-crazy game show weirdo finally got beat by esophageal cancer?

Doc Watson

27

Doc Watson · 89

March 3rd, 1923 - May 29th, 2012


And you thought he was blue before.

Abdelbaset Al Megrahi

26

Abdelbaset Al Megrahi · 60

April 1st, 1952 - May 20th, 2012


As the cowardly loser responsible for bombing Pan Am 103, we hope he enjoys an eternity of playing horseshoes with Gaddafi in hell.

Robin Gibb

25

Robin Gibb · 62

December 22nd, 1949 - May 20th, 2012


6 hours. That's how long we spent trying to figure out how to work "Stayin' Alive" into an obit. Fuck it. He's dead.

Donna Summer

24

Donna Summer · 63

December 31st, 1948 - May 17th, 2012


Last dance.

Donald Duck Dunn

23

Donald Duck Dunn · 70

November 24th, 1941 - May 13th, 2012


Went from goat piss to gasoline.

Carroll Shelby

22

Carroll Shelby · 89

January 11th, 1923 - May 11th, 2012


Stalled.

Vidal Sassoon

21

Vidal Sassoon · 84

January 17th, 1928 - May 9th, 2012


I guess we don't look good.

Maurice Sendak

20

Maurice Sendak · 83

June 10th, 1928 - May 8th, 2012


Maurice roared his terrible roar and gnashed his terrible teeth and rolled his terrible eyes and showed his terrible claws- till Max said "BE STILL!"

Junior Seau

19

Junior Seau · 43

January 19th, 1969 - May 2nd, 2012


He sure did.

Amarillo Slim

18

Amarillo Slim · 83

December 31st, 1928 - April 29th, 2012


And getting slimmer all the time.

Levon Helm

17

Levon Helm · 71

May 26th, 1940 - April 19th, 2012


His two big hit albums were Electric Dirt and Dirt Farmer. 'Nuff said.

Dick Clark

16

Dick Clark · 82

November 30th, 1929 - April 18th, 2012


5!
4!
3!
2!

Dick? Dick?

Mike Wallace

15

Mike Wallace · 93

May 9th, 1918 - April 7th, 2012


tick ... tick ... tick ... tick ...

Thomas Kinkade

14

Thomas Kinkade · 54

January 19th, 1958 - April 6th, 2012


Snuffed.

Earl Scruggs

13

Earl Scruggs · 88

January 6th, 1924 - March 28th, 2012


He was proof that banjo players get all the chicks.

Ivan Demyanyuk

12

Ivan Demyanyuk · 91

April 3rd, 1920 - March 17th, 2012


He was a Nazi war criminal convicted of 27,900 counts of murder, and he lived in Cleveland for most of his life. Figures.

Davy Jones

11

Davy Jones · 66

December 30th, 1945 - February 29th, 2012


Actually, he IS our stepping stone now.

Gary Carter

10

Gary Carter · 57

April 8th, 1954 - February 16th, 2012


He "caught" cancer. Get it? He was a catcher! Ha ha!

Whitney Houston

9

Whitney Houston · 48

August 9th, 1963 - February 11th, 2012


Houston, we have a problem.

Ben Gazzara

8

Ben Gazzara · 81

August 28th, 1930 - February 3rd, 2012


If it's Friday, he must be dead.

Don Cornelius

7

Don Cornelius · 75

September 27th, 1936 - February 1st, 2012


The train has left the station.

Angelo Dundee

6

Angelo Dundee · 90

August 30th, 1921 - February 1st, 2012


As Ali said about him recently "Angelo inna goo goo ga na ma ma".

Robert Hegyes

5

Robert Hegyes · 60

May 7th, 1951 - January 26th, 2012


Dear Mr. Kotter,

Please excuse Epstein from school. He's dead.

Signed,

Epstein's Mother

Joe Paterno

4

Joe Paterno · 85

December 21st, 1926 - January 22nd, 2012


Nothing will overshadow the fact that he was the winningest coach in major college football history.
Wait. What? Seriously?

Etta James

3

Etta James · 73

January 25th, 1938 - January 20th, 2012


We know what you're expecting us to write here, but guess what: no go. It's just too easy, and besides - she kicked her drug habit 20+ years ago, and only got sick about a year ago. So now will you leave us alone about it - At Last?

Johnny Otis

2

Johnny Otis · 90

December 28th, 1921 - January 17th, 2012


Wikipedia says, "In 1969 he recorded an album of sexually explicit material under the name 'Snatch and the Poontangs'." That's good enough for us.

William Janklow

1

William Janklow · 72

September 13th, 1939 - January 12th, 2012


He was a dubious politician convicted of vehicular manslaughter who had brain cancer. Are we sure he wasn't a Kennedy?

 

 

Guess the Stiff!

That's just Kirby being Kirby.

(d) March 6th, 2006