The Stiffs
For the 32nd year running, our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on anybody’s list, or mattered at all, they’re here. Looking for everybody? Try the Directory.
Meadowlark Lemon
He played 16,000 games with the Globetrotters and somehow managed to father 10 kids in there. Sounds like he died of exhaustion.
Scott Weiland
A rock star who was a heroin addict for 20 years, and he was on TWO lists? Come on people. Do your homework.
Helmut Schmidt
The worst thing this guy ever did was apparently smoke near a "No Smoking" sign, and even that didn't stick. How has this guy never done anything bad or funny? He's GERMAN for chrissakes. Thanks for ruining our day, Helmut.
Fred Thompson
Yeah, yeah - he was a senator from Tennessee. But did you see his incredible portrayal of Bernie Oxbar in the 1991 blockbuster Curly Sue? He CRUSHED that.
Al Molinaro
Sunday, Monday - Happy Days!
Tuesday, Wednesday - Happy Days!
Thursday - well, not so much.
Maureen O'Hara
The last thing she did was a TV movie in 2000 called The Last Dance. That works for us.
Paul Prudhomme
Dude spent most of his life about 6000 pounds overweight, finally got it together and got fit, and then died. What have we learned here, boys and girls?
Yogi Berra
Maybe now he can finally get his hands on some pick-a-nick baskets, eh boo boo?
Oliver Sacks
He spent the first half of his life doing drugs, riding motorcycles, and bodybuilding. He spent the second part writing books about the brain and getting movies made about him. We would have stuck with the first part.
Frank Gifford
He had an affair with Johnny Carson's wife, while he was married to Kathie Lee? Seriously? Kathie Lee is just plain HOT. What an idiot.
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
His final match - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs. "Harrowing" Hodgkins Lymphoma didn't really turn out as he had hoped.
Omar Sharif
If this guy was so awesome in Lawrence of Arabia and Dr. Zhivago, then why can we only remember him getting crushed in a car compactor in Top Secret? Huh?
Jack Carter
You know what is funny about this guy? Nothing. We swear. Nothing whatsoever. He had some comedy shows, but that doesn't help us. Nothing weird or interesting ever happened to him, and we can't even make fun of his name. Today SUCKS.
Nelson Doubleday
For someone who owned a publishing company and a baseball team, this guys life was about as exciting as watching flies fuck.
Kirk Kerkorian
Super rich guy who donated tons of money to worthy causes, treated his family and friends well, was never an egomaniac, and never had any kind of scandal. This guy is of NO use to us.
Vincent Bugliosi
So Vinnie is dead, and that nutjob Manson is somehow still alive? How the hell did that happen?
Jim Wright
Served 34 years in the House and as Speaker for 2 of those. A distinguished service record - assuming you don't count the time he beat an aide with a hammer, stabbed her with a steak knife, slashed her throat, and then put her in his car and went to see a movie. But hey - everyone makes mistakes, right?
Stan Freberg
They called him "The Che Guevara of Advertising". Not sure what that means, but it sounds pretty stupid.
Sarah Brady
A gun control advocate, and wife of a guy that got shot protecting Reagan. This, kids, is why we have a Fame Committee now.
Gene Gene the Dancing Machine
He closed The Gong Show for years with his crazy, wiggly-footed dancing. Now that, my friends, is a celebrity.
Louis Jourdan
He escaped Nazi-occupied Paris and starred in dozens of critically-acclaimed, classic films alongside some of the most famous and beloved actors of all time. But you probably remember him from Octopussy.
Rod McKuen
He tried out ranch hand, surveyor, railroad worker, lumberjack, rodeo cowboy, stuntman, and radio disk jockey before he landed on poetry. We can't figure out if he did it FOR the girls or because he HATED girls.
Joe Franklin
He says he interviewed over 300,000 guests in his 42 years on the air. He may have been great on TV, but he sucked at math.
Ernie Banks
He played his entire career for the Cubs, so really he was already dead inside.
King Abdullah Bin Abdul Aziz Al Saud
He had 32 children. Hard to believe it wasn't suicide.
Little Jimmy Dickens
It's pretty tough to beat "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose".
