For the 23rd year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Choose any date combination:      
Mikhail Kalashnikov

68

Mikhail Kalashnikov · 94

November 10th, 1919 - December 23rd, 2013


Shot down.

Al Goldstein

67

Al Goldstein · 77

January 10th, 1936 - December 19th, 2013


He created Screw magazine, and he had an 11 foot tall middle finger statue in his yard. American hero? We say yes.

Ronnie Biggs

66

Ronnie Biggs · 84

August 8th, 1929 - December 18th, 2013


Isn't every train robbery pretty great?

Ray Price

65

Ray Price · 87

January 12th, 1926 - December 16th, 2013


We're slashing Prices for the holidays!

Harold Camping

64

Harold Camping · 92

July 19th, 1921 - December 15th, 2013


The obvious choice here is "Camping Out", but we're going with "So long, Nutjob."

Joan Fontaine

63

Joan Fontaine · 96

October 22nd, 1917 - December 15th, 2013


Started acting in 1935 and stopped in 1994. What a slacker.

Peter O'Toole

62

Peter O'Toole · 81

August 2nd, 1932 - December 14th, 2013


Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

Tom Laughlin

61

Tom Laughlin · 82

August 10th, 1931 - December 12th, 2013


Jacked.

Nelson Mandela

60

Nelson Mandela · 95

July 18th, 1918 - December 5th, 2013


He was in prison for 27 years, and then got married three times. Must have really missed it.

Paul Walker

59

Paul Walker · 40

September 12th, 1973 - November 30th, 2013


Yep. He was indeed fast.

Doris Lessing

58

Doris Lessing · 94

October 22nd, 1919 - November 17th, 2013


Boy - she can really hear the grass singing now.

Lou Reed

57

Lou Reed · 71

March 2nd, 1942 - October 27th, 2013


Less Velvet. More Underground.

Marcia Wallace

56

Marcia Wallace · 70

November 1st, 1942 - October 25th, 2013


She starred in both The Angry Beavers as well as That's My Bush!. Seems like she was trying to tell us something.

Bum Phillips

55

Bum Phillips · 90

September 29th, 1923 - October 18th, 2013


Looks like he's back with the Saints now.

Scott Carpenter

54

Scott Carpenter · 88

May 1st, 1925 - October 10th, 2013


He spent a total of 4 hours and 56 minutes in space. When you think about it, that's only 4 hours and 56 minutes more than YOU spent in space. Big WHOOP.

Vo Giap

53

Vo Giap · 102

August 25th, 1911 - October 4th, 2013


No mo Vo.

Tom Clancy

52

Tom Clancy · 66

April 12th, 1947 - October 1st, 2013


Clear and Presently Dead

Ray Dolby

51

Ray Dolby · 80

January 18th, 1933 - September 12th, 2013


Sounds good to us.

50

Clay Shaw, Jr. · 74

April 19th, 1939 - September 10th, 2013


Congressman from Florida. How easy is THAT job?

Cal Worthington

49

Cal Worthington · 92

November 27th, 1920 - September 8th, 2013


If you wanna "Go see Cal" now, you'd better bring a shovel.

Frederik Pohl

48

Frederik Pohl · 93

November 26th, 1919 - September 2nd, 2013


Dead Pohl.

Tommy Morrison

47

Tommy Morrison · 44

January 2nd, 1969 - September 1st, 2013


Boxed.

David Frost

46

David Frost · 74

April 7th, 1939 - August 31st, 2013


Defrosted.

Julie Harris

45

Julie Harris · 87

December 2nd, 1925 - August 24th, 2013


She won five Tony Awards, three Emmy Awards and a Grammy Award, and was nominated for an Academy Award. And yet - and we're not kidding here - we don't recognize a SINGLE thing she was in.

Bert Lance

44

Bert Lance · 82

June 3rd, 1931 - August 15th, 2013


Oh, it's broke alright. And there's no fixing it.

Jack Germond

43

Jack Germond · 85

January 30th, 1928 - August 14th, 2013


Old news.

Eydie Gorme

42

Eydie Gorme · 84

August 16th, 1928 - August 10th, 2013


Blame it on the Bossa Nova if you like. She's still dead.

Karen Black

41

Karen Black · 74

July 1st, 1939 - August 8th, 2013


Blacked out.

Art Donovan

40

Art Donovan · 88

June 5th, 1925 - August 4th, 2013


Tough enough to be a football player, and smart enough to be REALLY funny. Talk about your rare combo.

Mullah Omar

39

Mullah Omar

July 31st, 2013


Goodbye Mullah, Goodbye Fatwa...

Harry F. Byrd, Jr.

38

Harry F. Byrd, Jr. · 98

December 20th, 1914 - July 30th, 2013


Oh, hooray. Another politician without a "Scandals" section. Anyone looking to buy a deadpool website?

William Scranton

37

William Scranton · 96

July 19th, 1917 - July 28th, 2013


He was a fantastically wealthy scandal-less politician from New England. They can't all be Weiners.

Eileen Brennan

36

Eileen Brennan · 80

September 3rd, 1932 - July 28th, 2013


She won a Golden Globe for her portrayal of Doreen Lewis in the TV adaptation of Private Benjamin. Yes. This is a CELEBRITY dead pool. We swear.

Lindy Boggs

35

Lindy Boggs · 97

March 13th, 1916 - July 27th, 2013


Yielded.

Helen Thomas

34

Helen Thomas · 92

August 4th, 1920 - July 20th, 2013


That should put an end to all those annoying questions.

James Gandolfini

33

James Gandolfini · 51

September 18th, 1961 - June 19th, 2013


Probably more like a baritone now.

Slim Whitman

32

Slim Whitman · 89

January 20th, 1924 - June 19th, 2013


Now yodelling in that Great Infomercial In The Sky.

Richard Ramirez

31

Richard Ramirez · 53

February 28th, 1960 - June 7th, 2013


The Night Struck Back

Esther Williams

30

Esther Williams · 91

August 8th, 1921 - June 6th, 2013


Sleeping with the fishes.

Jean Stapleton

29

Jean Stapleton · 90

January 19th, 1923 - May 31st, 2013


Stifled herself.

Ray Manzarek

28

Ray Manzarek · 74

February 12th, 1939 - May 20th, 2013


Broke on through to the other side.

Dick Trickle

27

Dick Trickle · 71

October 27th, 1941 - May 16th, 2013


Race car driver? Really? How was he not a porn star?

Billy Sol Estes

26

Billy Sol Estes · 88

January 10th, 1925 - May 14th, 2013


You know when you sometimes refer to someone as a "dirty, lowlife, thieving, scumbag, huckster asshole"? This was the guy that coined that phrase.

Dr. Joyce Brothers

25

Dr. Joyce Brothers · 85

October 20th, 1927 - May 13th, 2013


Over the years she changed the name of her show from The Dr. Joyce Brothers Show to Consult Dr. Brothers to Tell Me, Dr. Brothers to Ask Dr. Brothers to Living Easy with Dr. Joyce Brothers, and now, finally to Lying Perfectly Still with Dr. Joyce Brothers

Ray Harryhausen

24

Ray Harryhausen · 92

June 29th, 1920 - May 7th, 2013


Motion stopped.

Deanna Durbin

23

Deanna Durbin · 91

December 4th, 1921 - April 28th, 2013


Let's call it "Every Sunday but ONE"

George Jones

22

George Jones · 81

September 12th, 1931 - April 26th, 2013


He definitely stopped loving her today.

George Beverly Shea

21

George Beverly Shea · 104

February 1st, 1909 - April 16th, 2013


He sang to over 220 million people over his lifetime, worked with Billy Graham for over 50 years, and recorded over 500 vocal solos on more than 70 albums. And yet - we had no idea who the fuck he was until we looked him up. Go figure.

Pat Summerall

20

Pat Summerall · 82

May 10th, 1930 - April 16th, 2013


Sudden death.

Jonathan Winters

19

Jonathan Winters · 87

November 11th, 1925 - April 11th, 2013


In the dead of Winters.

Annette Funicello

18

Annette Funicello · 70

October 22nd, 1942 - April 8th, 2013


M-I-C - see you in the afterlife! K-E-Y - Why? Because you had MS!

Margaret Thatcher

17

Margaret Thatcher · 87

October 13th, 1925 - April 8th, 2013


Being nicknamed "The Iron Lady" by the Brits is like being named "World's toughest" by the Boy Scouts. We're not impressed.

Roger Ebert

16

Roger Ebert · 70

June 18th, 1942 - April 4th, 2013


He died with a smile on his face.

Rise Stevens

15

Rise Stevens · 99

June 11th, 1913 - March 20th, 2013


Did you see her portrayal of Marfa in Moussorgsky's Khovanshchina? She kicked ass in that.

Harry Reems

14

Harry Reems · 65

August 27th, 1947 - March 20th, 2013


Rest in penis.

Hugo Chavez

13

Hugo Chavez · 58

July 28th, 1954 - March 5th, 2013


Hugone.

Bonnie Franklin

12

Bonnie Franklin · 69

January 6th, 1944 - March 1st, 2013


That was it.

Van Cliburn

11

Van Cliburn · 78

July 12th, 1934 - February 27th, 2013


He won the first quadrennial International Tchaikovsky Piano Competition in Moscow at age 23, which means there is absolutely no chance he ever got laid. Have a little respect.

C. Everett Koop

10

C. Everett Koop · 96

October 14th, 1916 - February 25th, 2013


Flew.

Jerry Buss

9

Jerry Buss · 79

January 27th, 1934 - February 18th, 2013


Buss Stopped.

Mindy McCready

8

Mindy McCready · 37

November 30th, 1975 - February 17th, 2013


Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Ed Koch

7

Ed Koch · 88

December 12th, 1924 - January 31st, 2013


When asked about his sex life by the press in his early 70's, his response was "Fuck Off". We like this guy.

Patty Andrews

6

Patty Andrews · 94

February 16th, 1918 - January 30th, 2013


She was a famous singer chick from Minnesota way
Both her sisters thought that she might be gay
She was plenty old at 94
But then her number came up and now she's here no more
She's in the ground now, placed there carefully
She the crusty, dusty singing chick in the cemetery

Stan Musial

5

Stan Musial · 92

November 21st, 1920 - January 19th, 2013


Yes - he was a 24 time all-star selection, compiled 3630 hits, and is widely considered the best left fielder of all time, and is in the Hall of Fame. But for OUR money, the fact that he played the harmonica on Hee Haw in 1994 AND made an album of harmonica songs? THAT is what makes someone famous.

Earl Weaver

4

Earl Weaver · 82

August 14th, 1930 - January 19th, 2013


Ejected.

Dear Abby

3

Dear Abby · 94

July 4th, 1918 - January 16th, 2013


Dear Abby,

I think my husband is cheating on me. I keep finding little clues around the house - hotel keys, receipts for restaurants we've never been to, that sort of thing. I feel guilty even thinking it, but I have to know. Should I approach him and just ask? Or should I spy on him to find out? -- BETRAYED IN BALTIMORE

Dear Betrayed -

I'm dead.

Conrad Bain

2

Conrad Bain · 89

February 4th, 1923 - January 14th, 2013


Todd Bridges is the one from Diff'rent Strokes who lived the longest? Crazy.

Patti Page

1

Patti Page · 85

November 8th, 1927 - January 1st, 2013


How much is that coffin in the window?

 

 

Guess the Stiff!

See you later, alligator.

(d) October 12th, 1996