The Stiffs for 2006

For the 30th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Saddam Hussein · 69

April 28th, 1937 - December 29th, 2006

Typical. As his final act on Earth, this asshole completely fucks dead pool players all over the world.

Jared Nathan · 21

August 10th, 1985 - December 28th, 2006

Bubye, frubiend!

Gerald Ford · 93

July 14th, 1913 - December 26th, 2006

Our long national nightmare is over.

James Brown · 73

May 5th, 1933 - December 25th, 2006

Papa's in a brand new bag.

Joe Barbera · 95

March 24th, 1911 - December 18th, 2006

OK - lets get this out of the way right now: Betty was WAY hotter than Wilma. End of discussion.

Ahmet Ertegun · 83

July 31st, 1923 - December 14th, 2006

Urgent: Heat me.

Lamar Hunt · 74

August 2nd, 1932 - December 13th, 2006

The Hunt is over.

Ellis Rubin · 81

June 20th, 1925 - December 12th, 2006

Lawyer.

Peter Boyle · 71

October 18th, 1935 - December 12th, 2006

Tryin' mighty hard to look like Gary Cooper.

Augusto Pinochet · 91

November 25th, 1915 - December 10th, 2006

Chile con karma.

Jeane Kirkpatrick · 80

November 19th, 1926 - December 7th, 2006

Bedwetter.

Anita O'Day · 87

October 18th, 1919 - November 23rd, 2006

G'night.

Robert Altman · 81

February 20th, 1925 - November 21st, 2006

R*I*P

Ruth Brown · 78

January 12th, 1928 - November 17th, 2006

Brown is the new black.

Bo Schembechler · 77

April 1st, 1929 - November 17th, 2006

Bo don't know nothin'.

Milton Friedman · 94

July 31st, 1912 - November 16th, 2006

For Milt, there's no breakfast, lunch or dinner, free or otherwise.

Jack Palance · 87

February 18th, 1919 - November 10th, 2006

Believe it ... or not!

Ed Bradley · 65

June 23rd, 1941 - November 9th, 2006

Realy b ded.

Johnny Sain · 89

September 25th, 1917 - November 7th, 2006

Finished second in MVP voting to Stan Musial. Sucks to be Johnny.

Willie Pep · 84

September 19th, 1922 - November 5th, 2006

Well, that doesn't quite work anymore.

William Styron · 81

June 11th, 1925 - November 1st, 2006

Lying down in darkness.

P.W. Botha · 90

January 12th, 1916 - October 31st, 2006

P.U.

Red Auerbach · 89

September 20th, 1917 - October 28th, 2006

We're smoking a big, fat cigar right now in his honor.

Trevor Berbick · 52

August 1st, 1954 - October 27th, 2006

What's a Berbick?

Joe Niekro · 61

November 7th, 1944 - October 27th, 2006

Brother to Hall Of Fame inductee Phil Niekro, Joe put together a lengthy and successful career of his own by perfecting a knuckleball and learning how to cheat.

Arthur Hill · 84

August 1st, 1922 - October 22nd, 2006

Owen Marshall: Counselor at rest.

Jane Wyatt · 96

August 12th, 1910 - October 20th, 2006

Mother knows death.

Freddy Fender · 69

June 4th, 1937 - October 14th, 2006

Wasted days and wasted nights.

Buck O'Neil · 94

November 13th, 1911 - October 6th, 2006

Buck stops here.

Byron Nelson · 94

February 4th, 1912 - September 26th, 2006

Classic.

Pat Lawford · 82

May 6th, 1924 - September 17th, 2006

And remember, folks, it's only mid-September — just imagine the kind of crap that'll be showing up here come Christmas.

Oriana Fallaci · 77

June 29th, 1929 - September 15th, 2006

There's a blowjob joke here somewhere, we just know it ....

Ann Richards · 73

September 1st, 1933 - September 13th, 2006

Surely you've heard of the best little whorehouse in Texas ...? She ran the place.

Pat Corley · 76

June 1st, 1930 - September 11th, 2006

He was the guy who owned the bar on Murphy Brown. What do you mean you've never heard of him?

Patty Berg · 88

February 13th, 1918 - September 10th, 2006

On ice.

Robert Earl Jones · 95

February 3rd, 1911 - September 7th, 2006

Blue Lying Lips.

Steve Irwin · 44

February 22nd, 1962 - September 4th, 2006

Crikey, what a schmuck.

Bob Mathias · 75

November 17th, 1930 - September 2nd, 2006

Y'know, it used to be a big deal, but is there anybody left in the world who even knows what the hell a decathlon is?

Glenn Ford · 90

May 1st, 1916 - August 30th, 2006

Ditto.

Jon Dough · 43

November 12th, 1962 - August 27th, 2006

One of the great names in porn has done his last double-penetration guy-on-girl-on-guy scene.

Maynard Ferguson · 78

May 4th, 1928 - August 23rd, 2006

Not gonna fly now.

Bruno Kirby · 57

April 28th, 1949 - August 14th, 2006

And if you doOOoo .... And if you doOOoo ....

Mike Douglas · 81

August 11th, 1925 - August 11th, 2006

What a freak!

Arthur Lee · 61

March 7th, 1945 - August 3rd, 2006

Seven and seven isn't.

Floyd Dixon · 77

February 8th, 1929 - July 26th, 2006

Apparently, Mayberry's lovable barber was a pretty good piano player, back in the day.

Jack Warden

July 19th, 2006

He knew where the fuck Miami Beach was, dummy.

Mickey Spillane · 88

March 9th, 1918 - July 17th, 2006

She read his mind and her face grew sad, sadder than anything he had ever seen and she turned her eyes on him and he could see clear through them into the goodness of her soul and he knew she wasn't a blackmailer and his first impression had been right; she was a girl who had come face to face with fate and had lost, but in losing hadn't lost all, for there was the light of holiness in her face that time when he was her friend, when he thought that a look like that belonged only in a church when you were praying or getting married or something, a light that was there now for him to see while she played a song that told him he was her friend and she was his, a friendship that was more than that, it was a trust and he believed it. What a sap.

Red Buttons · 87

February 5th, 1919 - July 13th, 2006

Red enjoyed a long and illustrious career in Hollywood, but he is perhaps best remembered for his compelling performance in the role of Jiggs Quealy in the 1985 TV movie Reunion At Fairborough. Or, perhaps not.

Barnard Hughes · 90

July 16th, 1915 - July 11th, 2006

According to his son, Hughes changed the "e" in his first name to an "a" on the advice of a numerologist. Meanwhile, back on planet Earth ....

June Allyson · 88

October 7th, 1917 - July 8th, 2006

Don't let that "nice girl" routine fool you, she was a ballbuster.

Syd Barrett · 60

January 6th, 1946 - July 7th, 2006

... with a guy like this?

Kenneth Lay · 64

April 15th, 1942 - July 5th, 2006

Down the tubes - just like fucking ENRON.

Jan Murray · 89

October 4th, 1916 - July 2nd, 2006

The Chabad Telethon will never be the same.

Patsy Ramsey · 49

December 29th, 1956 - June 24th, 2006

There goes her shot at Mother Of The Year honors.

Aaron Spelling · 83

April 22nd, 1923 - June 23rd, 2006

Our very special thanks to the man who brought Tori into the world.

Everett Marshall · 67

January 12th, 1939 - June 20th, 2006

Not part of the plan.

Abu al-Zarqawi · 39

October 30th, 1966 - June 8th, 2006

Sadly, we bid farewell to Al-Qaeda's popular night club entertainer and game show host.

Billy Preston · 59

September 2nd, 1946 - June 6th, 2006

Nothing from nothing leaves nothing.

Craig Heyward · 39

September 26th, 1966 - May 27th, 2006

Clank!

Desmond Dekker · 64

July 16th, 1941 - May 25th, 2006

Sooner or later, that's what getting up every day and slaving for bread'll do to you.

Lloyd Bentsen · 77

February 11th, 1929 - May 23rd, 2006

You wouldn't know it to look at him, but this guy was a billion laughs. He fucked a goat once.

Stanley Kunitz · 100

July 29th, 1905 - May 14th, 2006

Or, as he was known in the poetry world, Stan "The Man" Kunitz.

Floyd Patterson · 71

January 4th, 1935 - May 11th, 2006

Apparently, Mayberry's lovable barber was a pretty good boxer, back in the day.

Earl Woods · 74

March 5th, 1932 - May 3rd, 2006

If he only coulds.

Louis Rukeyser · 73

January 30th, 1933 - May 2nd, 2006

Take that, Economy Boy!

John Galbraith · 97

October 15th, 1908 - April 29th, 2006

Too many names, not enough working organs.

Steve Howe · 48

March 10th, 1958 - April 28th, 2006

The coke addict pitcher, not the shitty guitar player.

William Coffin · 81

June 1st, 1924 - April 12th, 2006

This one's pretty obvious, isn't it?

June Pointer · 52

November 30th, 1953 - April 11th, 2006

No, she can't can't.

Gene Pitney · 66

February 17th, 1940 - April 5th, 2006

How can we keep love alive?
How can anything survive,
When these little minds tear you in two?
What's a town without Pitney gonna do?

Caspar Weinberger · 88

August 18th, 1917 - March 28th, 2006

The friendly spook.

Lyn Nofziger · 81

June 8th, 1924 - March 27th, 2006

Lying frozen.

Buck Owens · 76

August 12th, 1929 - March 25th, 2006

Hee Haw!

Oleg Cassini · 92

April 11th, 1913 - March 17th, 2006

Choked on the cosmic weenie.

Ray Meyer · 92

December 18th, 1913 - March 17th, 2006

DeCeased.

Maureen Stapleton · 80

June 21st, 1925 - March 13th, 2006

No, not the Dingbat, the other one.

Slobodan Milosevic · 64

August 20th, 1941 - March 11th, 2006

Not a very nice man.

Bernie 'Boom Boom' Geoffrion · 75

February 14th, 1931 - March 11th, 2006

Out go the lights.

John Profumo · 91

January 30th, 1915 - March 9th, 2006

Some British guy who diddled a Russian, or something. Look it up.

Gordon Parks · 93

November 30th, 1912 - March 7th, 2006

And we're betting he stays put, too.

Dana Reeve · 44

March 17th, 1961 - March 6th, 2006

Yeah, right. Hey, how 'bout you come up with something funny here.

Kirby Puckett · 45

March 14th, 1960 - March 6th, 2006

That's just Kirby being Kirby.

Jack Wild · 53

September 30th, 1952 - March 1st, 2006

So, did Witchiepoo get the flute, or what?

Otis Chandler · 78

November 23rd, 1927 - February 27th, 2006

Where else but in L.A. could a major metropolitan newspaper be successfully run for decades by the town drunk?

Darren McGavin · 83

May 7th, 1922 - February 25th, 2006

Put the Hammer down.

Don Knotts · 81

July 21st, 1924 - February 24th, 2006

You don't even want to know what Mr. Furley did to that poor girl.

Dennis Weaver · 81

June 4th, 1924 - February 24th, 2006

And McCloud used to take her to swing parties out on the high chaparral.

Curt Gowdy · 86

July 31st, 1919 - February 20th, 2006

Curt nailed her in one of the dugouts at Fenway.

Freddie Laker · 83

August 6th, 1922 - February 9th, 2006

He started an airline and named it after himself. What a pompous dickweed.

Betty Friedan · 85

February 4th, 1921 - February 4th, 2006

Betty did her at a Tupperware party back in '79.

Al Lewis · 82

April 30th, 1923 - February 3rd, 2006

Yep, even Grandpa boned Shelley Winters.

Wendy Wasserstein · 55

October 18th, 1950 - January 30th, 2006

An uncommon woman, to be sure. Nonetheless, she's toast.

Coretta King · 78

April 27th, 1927 - January 30th, 2006

Aside from being an icon of the Civil Rights movement, she's also the only person on this page who was not, at one time or another, romantically linked to Shelley Winters.

Chris Penn · 40

October 10th, 1965 - January 24th, 2006

Is it irony that he died accidentally at 40, and that his last role was in a film called The Darwin Awards? We're just asking.

Wilson Pickett · 64

March 18th, 1941 - January 19th, 2006

Ow! You know, I don't feel alright?
Huh! Feel pretty bad, y'all!

Tony Franciosa · 77

October 25th, 1928 - January 19th, 2006

Game over.

Shelley Winters · 85

August 18th, 1920 - January 14th, 2006

She once said, "Now that I'm over sixty, I'm veering toward respectability." She finally crashed right into it.

Jack Snow · 62

January 25th, 1943 - January 9th, 2006

Went deep.

Lou Rawls · 72

December 1st, 1933 - January 6th, 2006

Just like a natural man.

Year	Stiffs
2024	12
2023	52
2022	44
2021	56
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!