The Stiffs
For the 32nd year running, our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on anybody’s list, or mattered at all, they’re here. Looking for everybody? Try the Directory.
Hope Lange
The star of The Ghost And Mrs. Muir has just changed roles.
Otto Graham
In the words of the traditional Palindromic farewell ...
"Maharg, Otto Graham."
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Warren Spahn
Dead Pool veterans will doubtless remember the familiar, sing-song refrain, "Spahn and Sprague, and pray for plague."
Bobby Hatfield
He's lost all thought and feeling. The cause? Unnamed malady.
Madame Chiang Kai-Shek
The oldest and most celebrated brothel owner in history. It's said that she once gave Confucius a hand-job.
Jack Elam
Jesus Christ! It's that goofy-lookin' old cowboy guy with the fucked up eyes, and he's been dead for more than two weeks! What the hell are you guys doing over there!?
Elia Kazan
A tree grows in Brooklyn, and a rat bastard dies in Manhattan.
George Plimpton
Once again, George plays the part of participatory journalist, this time for a work entitled Paper Dyin'.
Sheb Wooley
He was a one-hit, one-joke guy from 50 years ago,
One-hit, one-joke guy from 50 years ago,
A one-hit, one-joke guy from 50 years ago,
Now he's history.
John Ritter
We've been waiting for you (we've been waiting for you).
Edward Teller
They call him the father of the hydrogen bomb. Shoulda used a condom, Eddie.
Jinx Falkenburg
Sadly, we say goodbye to one of the last, few remaining stars from the great Hanna-Barbera stable.
Wesley Willis
Rock over London,
Rock on Chicago,
Forest Lawn — celebrate a life!
Sam Phillips
Remarkably, he still managed to meet the filing deadline, and will be on the ballot in California.
John Schlesinger
He's goin' where the sun keeps shinin' through the pourin' rain.
Carol Shields
The Pulitzer-Prize winning Canadian novelist is survived and mourned by long-time mime partner Yarnell.
Tex Schramm
Maybe he was funny-lookin' ... but he made the best damned oil filters this country's ever seen.
Buddy Ebsen
Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Bud,
Ninety-five and happy as a hog in the mud,
And then one day, he was chewin' on some food,
And in through the door come The Adios Dude.
Death, that is ...
Black Knight ...
Mr. D ....
Well, the first thing you know,
Bud's cryin' like a girl,
Death said, "You're the biggest pussy in the world."
Said, "Purgatory is the place you ought to be,"
So he pulled out his plug, and Buddy drew a Z.
Died, that is ...
Screwed the pooch ...
Bought the farm ....
Won't come back, now ... y'hea'
N!xau
Meanwhile, the relentless Hollywood fame machine chews up, spits out, and throws away another dreamer. The gods must be completely out of their friggin' minds.
Katharine Hepburn
Death could've put the whammy on her a long time ago, if she'd just held still for a second.
Lester Maddox
Georgia's irrepressible segregationist, who defied the 1964 Civil Rights Act by chasing three black students from his restaurant with a gun. Given twenty days to desegregate, Maddox chose instead to close and sell the place, for which they made him Governor. Later, after his political career waned, he attempted to update his image by launching a nightclub comedy act with a black ex-con he had pardoned while in office. They were billed as "The Governor and the Dishwasher." We're not making this up.
Bob Stump
The Congressman (R-AZ) holds a special place in our hearts for his announcement from the House floor on June 5, 1998 that Bob Hope had died. You always were a schmuck, Stumpy, but thanks for the traffic.
Shooby Taylor
They called him "The Human Horn". Insert joke about getting blown here.
Freddie Blassie
There once was a wrestler named Blassie
Who was big and blond, sweaty and sassy
Screaming week after week
About pencil-necked geeks
Naturally, he became known as "Classy."
June Cash
We heard that she fell into a burning ring of fire, which sounds like a pretty rough way to go.
Robert Stack
The unsolvable mystery here is how this hunk of wood kept getting work. The guy was like a marionette, for Chris'sakes.
Felice Bryant
She's through with romance, she's through with love,
She's through with countin' the stars above,
And here's the reason that she's so free,
Boudleaux's old lady has ceased to be ....
Nina Simone
Oh, what a lovely precious dream,
to be young, gifted and black,
and not dead yet.
Robert Atkins
His high-protein, low-carbohydrate approach to weight loss differed radically from the conventional wisdom of the medical establishment, and was widely criticized as risky. Nevertheless, Atkins steadfastly maintained that his dietary recommendations would lead to nothing more dangerous than a diminished sense of balance. He died of injuries sustained when he fell and hit his head on the sidewalk.
Michael Jeter
You probably remember him from stuff like The Fisher King and The Green Mile - but what about his theatre work in Greater Tuna? No?
Joseph Coors
Described by his own brother as "a little bit right of Attila the Hun," this third-generation brewing tycoon barred trade unions, fixed prices, and gave this country the affliction known as James Watt. Also, the beer sucks.
Hank Ballard
Hey, now, hey, now, hey, now, hey, now,
it's singer (drop) droppin' time ...
Tom Glazer
The man who wrote "On Top Of Old Smoky" is all covered with dirt.
Johnny Longden
Of course, the papers failed to mention that he lost 26,381 times.
Walt Rostow
He was hailed as one of JFK's Best and Brightest, and was also one of the chief architects of America's involvement in Vietnam. Something just doesn't add up.
Stacy Keach
Famous for developing, producing and directing radio's "Tales Of The Texas Rangers," and for having a kid with a hare-lip.
Sid Gillman
This Hall of Fame coach was said to have one of the most brilliant minds in football, which puts his IQ at almost 100.
Sydney Omarr
Do you suppose President and Nancy Reagan would have been quite so taken with the Astrologer To The Stars if they'd known his real name was Sidney Kimmelman?