For the 23rd year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Choose any date combination:      
Agathe Von Trapp

80

Agathe Von Trapp · 97

March 12th, 1913 - December 28th, 2010


Raindrops on tombstones and flowers on caskets,
Sad sobbing mourners and corpses in baskets,
Stuffed in a hole as a sad church bell rings
These are a few of our favorite things

Teena Marie

79

Teena Marie · 54

March 5th, 1956 - December 26th, 2010


More peaceful than wild now.

Captain Beefheart

78

Captain Beefheart · 69

January 15th, 1941 - December 17th, 2010


He authored legendary titles like Making Love to a Vampire with a Monkey on My Knee, '81' Poop Hatch and When I See Mommy I Feel Like a Mummy. We miss him already.

Blake Edwards

77

Blake Edwards · 88

July 26th, 1922 - December 16th, 2010


Bearded Walks
Bakers Dawdle
A Braked Welds

Sometimes when we can't think of anything funny to say, we just come up with anagrams for the dead guys name.

Bad Walks Deer
Dead Bark Slew

This is one of those times.

Bob Feller

76

Bob Feller · 92

November 3rd, 1918 - December 15th, 2010


One dead feller.

Elizabeth Edwards

75

Elizabeth Edwards · 61

July 3rd, 1949 - December 7th, 2010


Pretty sure she wouldn't have lasted this long without the support of her husband.

Don Meredith

74

Don Meredith · 72

April 10th, 1938 - December 5th, 2010


Turn out the lights.

Ron Santo

73

Ron Santo · 70

February 25th, 1940 - December 3rd, 2010


A baseball player, not in the Hall of Fame, with no scandals who had both his legs amputated thanks to diabetes, THIS is why someone ELSE should make up the Obits.

Leslie Nielsen

72

Leslie Nielsen · 84

February 11th, 1926 - November 28th, 2010


He died in a big white building, with patients. But that's not important right now.

Dino de Laurentiis

71

Dino de Laurentiis · 91

August 8th, 1919 - November 11th, 2010


He made Manhunter, Hannibal, and Red Dragon but decided to pass on Silence of the Lambs. Good move there, Dino.

Jill Clayburgh

70

Jill Clayburgh · 66

April 30th, 1944 - November 5th, 2010


Clayburied.

Sparky Anderson

69

Sparky Anderson · 76

February 22nd, 1934 - November 4th, 2010


Funny that they used to call him "Old Sparky". Well, kinda funny.

Maurice Lucas

68

Maurice Lucas · 58

February 8th, 1952 - October 31st, 2010


They called him "The Greatest Portland Trailblazer of all time", which is kinda like being called "The greatest taco chef of all time".

Bob Guccione

67

Bob Guccione · 79

December 17th, 1930 - October 20th, 2010


From the Penthouse, straight to the basement.

Tom Bosley

66

Tom Bosley · 83

October 1st, 1927 - October 19th, 2010


Sunday, Monday, Happy Days. Tuesday - not so much.

Barbara Billingsley

65

Barbara Billingsley · 94

December 22nd, 1915 - October 16th, 2010


That's a lovely casket you're wearing there, Mrs. Cleaver.

Solomon Burke

64

Solomon Burke · 70

March 21st, 1940 - October 10th, 2010


Album names: We're almost home, Back to my Roots, Lord I need a Miracle Right Now, Take me Shake Me, A Change is Gonna Come, Don't Give up on Me, Hold on Tight. Take your pick.

Norman Wisdom

63

Norman Wisdom · 95

February 4th, 1915 - October 4th, 2010


He was an English comedian. And you know how funny THEY are.

Tony Curtis

62

Tony Curtis · 85

June 3rd, 1925 - September 29th, 2010


The Sweet Smell of Success for 35 poolsters.

Arthur Penn

61

Arthur Penn · 88

September 27th, 1922 - September 28th, 2010


Penn Stationary.

George Blanda

60

George Blanda · 83

September 17th, 1927 - September 27th, 2010


Great football player. Ugly as a mud fence, but a great football player.

Gloria Stuart

59

Gloria Stuart · 100

July 4th, 1910 - September 26th, 2010


She was honored TWICE in one month for a long and outstanding career. Haven't these people ever heard of The Woody Herman Phenomenon? They might as well have pushed her off a cliff.

Eddie Fisher

58

Eddie Fisher · 82

August 10th, 1928 - September 22nd, 2010


Dumped Debbie Reynolds to marry Liz Taylor. Fucking GENIUS.

Leonard Skinner

57

Leonard Skinner · 77

January 11th, 1933 - September 20th, 2010


Pronounced.

Kevin McCarthy

56

Kevin McCarthy · 96

February 15th, 1914 - September 11th, 2010


Snatched.

Harold Gould

55

Harold Gould · 86

December 10th, 1923 - September 11th, 2010


Ghouled.

Paul Conrad

54

Paul Conrad · 86

June 27th, 1924 - September 4th, 2010


So long, cartoon boy.

Robert Schimmel

53

Robert Schimmel · 60

January 16th, 1950 - September 3rd, 2010


He beat cancer and then died in a car accident. What a comedian!

Bobby Thomson

52

Bobby Thomson · 86

October 25th, 1923 - August 17th, 2010


The shot heard round the underworld.

Edwin Newman

51

Edwin Newman · 91

January 25th, 1919 - August 13th, 2010


He dead today. Two bad four him.

Dan Rostenkowski

50

Dan Rostenkowski · 82

January 2nd, 1928 - August 11th, 2010


Holy shit. This guy is so boring even WE can't find anything interesting to say about him. Mail fraud? Oh come ON.

Ted Stevens

49

Ted Stevens · 86

November 18th, 1923 - August 9th, 2010


Gone down the tubes.

Patricia Neal

48

Patricia Neal · 84

January 20th, 1926 - August 8th, 2010


Breakfast, lunch, and dinner now six feet under.

Mitch Miller

47

Mitch Miller · 99

July 4th, 1911 - July 31st, 2010


He said, "Rock and roll is musical baby food," and then went on to create Karaoke. An asshole all the way around.

Jack Tatum

46

Jack Tatum · 61

November 18th, 1948 - July 27th, 2010


We'll see how immaculate that reception was now.

Daniel Schorr

45

Daniel Schorr · 93

August 31st, 1916 - July 23rd, 2010


All things considered, he's not much of a journalist anymore.

Ralph Houk

44

Ralph Houk · 90

August 9th, 1919 - July 21st, 2010


Totally out.

George Steinbrenner

43

George Steinbrenner · 80

July 4th, 1930 - July 13th, 2010


For the duration of the season, Yankee players will all wear a million dollars on their sleeves as a sign of respect.

Robert Byrd

42

Robert Byrd · 92

November 20th, 1917 - June 28th, 2010


Now, the early worm can get the Byrd.

Manute Bol

41

Manute Bol · 47

October 16th, 1962 - June 19th, 2010


So that makes up for Gary Coleman then, right?

Jimmy Dean

40

Jimmy Dean · 81

August 10th, 1928 - June 13th, 2010


This guy's kinda like Tommy Lee in that we know more about his sausage than we do about his music.

Marvin Isley

39

Marvin Isley · 56

August 18th, 1953 - June 7th, 2010


A little bit softer now.

John Wooden

38

John Wooden · 99

October 14th, 1910 - June 4th, 2010


The commissioner attended UCLA. But we'll try and write something mean anyway. He was a terrible surfer.

Rue McClanahan

37

Rue McClanahan · 76

February 21st, 1934 - June 3rd, 2010


3 down, 1 to go.

Dennis Hopper

36

Dennis Hopper · 74

May 17th, 1936 - May 29th, 2010


Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a cancer on my prostate. Once the prostate goes above 50mph, the cancer is armed. If it drops below 50, your ex-wife takes all your money. What do you do? What do you do?

Gary Coleman

35

Gary Coleman · 42

February 8th, 1968 - May 28th, 2010


Ah, the intracranial hemorrhage. Those kooky little episodes that doctors sometimes refer to as "different strokes."

Art Linkletter

34

Art Linkletter · 97

July 17th, 1912 - May 26th, 2010


Art no longer imitates life.

Ronnie James Dio

33

Ronnie James Dio · 67

July 10th, 1942 - May 16th, 2010


Dio, eh?

Lena Horne

32

Lena Horne · 92

June 30th, 1917 - May 9th, 2010


Please forward all mail to The Cabin in the Sky.

Robin Roberts

31

Robin Roberts · 83

September 30th, 1926 - May 6th, 2010


In his 19-season career, Roberts compiled a 286-245 record with 2,357 strikeouts, a 3.41 ERA, 305 complete games, 45 shutouts, and 4,688 innings pitched in 676 games. He holds the Major League records for home runs allowed by a pitcher (505) and for most consecutive Opening Day starts for the same team with 12, between 1950 and 1961. Also: he's dead.

Ernie Harwell

30

Ernie Harwell · 92

January 25th, 1918 - May 4th, 2010


Long gone.

Lynn Redgrave

29

Lynn Redgrave · 67

March 8th, 1943 - May 3rd, 2010


Red, green - whatever. As long as it's a grave.

Juan Antonio Samaranch

28

Juan Antonio Samaranch · 89

July 17th, 1920 - April 21st, 2010


Recent Winner of A Gold Medal for Morbidity

Daryl Gates

27

Daryl Gates · 83

August 30th, 1926 - April 16th, 2010


He was considered to be an excellent police chief in LA, except for - you know - that thing where the entire city RIOTED for several days. Thanks, Daryl.

Dixie Carter

26

Dixie Carter · 70

May 25th, 1939 - April 10th, 2010


Let's be clear here: Dixie Carter is NOT FAMOUS. Nobody ever played her. Nobody ever even THOUGHT about playing her. This is exactly what the Kim Perrot Renovation is for. But we are SO tired of all the "Hey! You forgot Dixie Carter!" emails, that we added her. Happy?

Anatoly Dobrynin

25

Anatoly Dobrynin · 90

November 16th, 1919 - April 6th, 2010


Deadski.

John Forsythe

24

John Forsythe · 92

January 29th, 1918 - April 1st, 2010


Good night, Angels.

Good night, Charlie.

Herb Ellis

23

Herb Ellis · 88

August 4th, 1921 - March 28th, 2010


To Wonderland!

June Havoc

22

June Havoc · 96

November 8th, 1913 - March 28th, 2010


Reeking Havoc.

Robert Culp

21

Robert Culp · 79

August 16th, 1930 - March 24th, 2010


Oh sure - I Spy was a big deal, but what about his voice over role in Robot Chicken? THAT was some quality work.

Stewart Udall

20

Stewart Udall · 90

January 31st, 1920 - March 20th, 2010


Off to the Great Swamp.

Fess Parker

19

Fess Parker · 85

August 16th, 1924 - March 18th, 2010


Less Fess.

Peter Graves

18

Peter Graves · 83

March 18th, 1926 - March 14th, 2010


You ever been in a casket before, Joey?

Merlin Olsen

17

Merlin Olsen · 69

September 15th, 1940 - March 11th, 2010


14 time Pro Bowler and 1968 Pro Bowl MVP with 94 career sacks - and he'll still be remembered as a mildly retarded guy on Little House on the Prairie.

Corey Haim

16

Corey Haim · 38

December 23rd, 1971 - March 10th, 2010


You know you are in trouble when Corey Feldman refuses to talk to you until you clean up your act.

Alexander Haig

15

Alexander Haig · 85

December 2nd, 1924 - February 20th, 2010


No longer in control.

Kathryn Grayson

14

Kathryn Grayson · 88

February 9th, 1922 - February 17th, 2010


A singing opera lady. It's over.

Dick Francis

13

Dick Francis · 89

October 31st, 1920 - February 14th, 2010


A small funeral is planned.

Dale Hawkins

12

Dale Hawkins · 73

August 22nd, 1936 - February 13th, 2010


They called him the inventor of "swamp rock boogie". Impressive.

Alexander McQueen

11

Alexander McQueen · 40

March 17th, 1969 - February 11th, 2010


A fashion designer named McQueen. Can you believe he was gay?

Charlie Wilson

10

Charlie Wilson · 76

June 1st, 1933 - February 10th, 2010


He won the battle but lost the..oh wait - no he didn't.

J.D. Salinger

9

J.D. Salinger · 91

January 1st, 1919 - January 27th, 2010


Catcher in the Ground.

Howard Zinn

8

Howard Zinn · 87

August 24th, 1922 - January 27th, 2010


History.

Zelda Rubinstein

7

Zelda Rubinstein · 76

May 28th, 1933 - January 27th, 2010


Go into the light!

Chemical Ali

6

Chemical Ali · 68

November 30th, 1941 - January 25th, 2010


What a lame nickname. Should have been "Colonel Mustard".

Pernell Roberts

5

Pernell Roberts · 81

May 18th, 1928 - January 24th, 2010


Headed for the last roundup.

Jean Simmons

4

Jean Simmons · 80

January 31st, 1929 - January 22nd, 2010


Happy Ending.

Robert Parker

3

Robert Parker · 77

September 17th, 1932 - January 18th, 2010


Case closed.

Teddy Pendergrass

2

Teddy Pendergrass · 59

March 26th, 1950 - January 13th, 2010


Close The Door and Turn off the Lights.

Miep Gies

1

Miep Gies · 100

February 15th, 1909 - January 11th, 2010


Most people remember her for that Anne Frank diary thing. Everyone seems to forget that she was the inspiration for the Road Runner's signature sound.

 

 

Guess the Stiff!

You know that wherever he's going, George Burns'll be there waiting for him, and when Matthau knocks, Burns will point his finger in the air and say, "Enter!"

(d) July 1st, 2000