The Stiffs for 2004

For the 30th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Artie Shaw · 94

May 23rd, 1910 - December 30th, 2004

What the fuck is a beguine, anyway?

Jerry Orbach · 69

October 20th, 1935 - December 28th, 2004

In television criminal justice, the people are represented by two-dimensional yet totally unsympathetic characters like Lennie Briscoe.

Susan Sontag · 71

January 16th, 1933 - December 27th, 2004

She was the smartest Oakland Raiders fan.

Reggie White · 43

December 19th, 1961 - December 26th, 2004

The defense rests.

Johnny Oates · 58

January 21st, 1946 - December 24th, 2004

This pretty much puts the kibosh on that "Maneater" reunion tour.

Prince Bernhard · 93

June 29th, 1911 - December 1st, 2004

He was often referred to as the most charismatic member of the Dutch royal family, which is kind of like being known as the smartest Oakland Raiders fan.

John Barrymore · 72

June 4th, 1932 - November 29th, 2004

Sounds like the past tense, doesn't it?

Russell Jones · 35

November 15th, 1968 - November 13th, 2004

One Dead Brother.

Yasser Arafat · 75

August 24th, 1929 - November 11th, 2004

Finally.

Howard Keel · 85

April 13th, 1919 - November 7th, 2004

Dover.

Princess Alice · 102

December 31, 1901 - October 29th, 2004

Alice is under land.

Robert Merrill · 87

June 4th, 1917 - October 23rd, 2004

We thought it was the fat LADY who was suposed to sing.

Pierre Salinger · 79

June 14th, 1925 - October 16th, 2004

If there's anything worse than a French politician guy, it's a fake French politician guy.

Christopher Reeve · 52

September 25th, 1952 - October 10th, 2004

Stiller than a bowl of fruit ....
More stationary than a granite statue ....
Able to sit in tall buildings without making a single sound ....

Rodney Dangerfield · 82

November 22nd, 1921 - October 5th, 2004

Those wishing to pay their lack of respect may do so by not sending donations to The American Heart Association.

Gordon Cooper · 77

March 6th, 1927 - October 4th, 2004

He made two separate trips in space, logging a total of 222 hours orbiting the planet, and they never once let him drive.

Janet Leigh · 77

July 6th, 1927 - October 3rd, 2004

There once was an actress named Janet.
Now she's dead.

Richard Avedon · 81

May 15th, 1923 - October 1st, 2004

He singlehandedly revolutionized fashion photography, then elevated portrait shooting to a fine art, and may very well have boned Jack and Jackie Kennedy.

Skeeter Davis · 72

December 30th, 1931 - September 19th, 2004

Eradicated as part of the effort to control the West Nile virus.

Russ Meyer · 82

March 21st, 1922 - September 18th, 2004

Now stationed six feet beneath the Valley Of The Ultra-Vixens.

Marvin Mitchelson · 76

May 7th, 1928 - September 18th, 2004

What do you want to bet he's already getting a long-awaited, eternal ass-kicking from Lee Marvin?

Izora Armstead · 62

July 6th, 1942 - September 16th, 2004

She was one half of the duo The Weather Girls, perpetrators of 1983's international dance mega-hit "It's Raining Men."
Hallelujah.

Johnny Ramone · 55

October 8th, 1948 - September 15th, 2004

That's three in three years. Must be genetic.

Laura Branigan · 47

July 3rd, 1957 - August 26th, 2004

We couldn't think of anything for her, but then some guy named Neil wrote in, saying "She was one hot, gravel-throated, sweaty, dyke rocker," so, we're going to go with that.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross · 78

July 8th, 1926 - August 24th, 2004

It's okay, she knows what she's doing.

Elmer Bernstein · 82

April 4th, 1922 - August 18th, 2004

Apparently, he dabbled in movie music, but he'll forever be remembered for creating that kick-ass glue.

Julia Child · 91

August 15th, 1912 - August 13th, 2004

Stick a fork in her.

Gypsy Boots · 89

August 19th, 1914 - August 8th, 2004

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy ...

Fay Wray · 96

September 15th, 1907 - August 8th, 2004

That should put an end to all that goddamned screaming.

Red Adair · 89

June 18th, 1915 - August 7th, 2004

The world's most celebrated oil-well firefighter has been extinguished.

Rick James · 56

February 1st, 1948 - August 6th, 2004

"Give It To Me Baby" is such a catchy little groove, it almost makes you forget that he did time for tying up one woman and burning her with a crack pipe, and for beating another woman while she was kept bound for 12 hours. Nice hair, too.

Henri Cartier-Bresson · 95

August 22nd, 1908 - July 31st, 2004

French photographer guy.

Francis Crick · 88

June 8th, 1916 - July 28th, 2004

Q: What comes after DNA?
A: DOA.

Thelma Bugbee · 93

July 2nd, 1911 - July 26th, 2004

She was better known as "Auntie Thelma," but what fun is that?

Cotton Fitzsimmons · 72

October 7th, 1931 - July 24th, 2004

No more Suns for him.

Isabel Sanford · 86

August 29th, 1917 - July 12th, 2004

She's a-movin' on in (movin' on in) to the hillside ....

Laurance Rockefeller · 94

May 26th, 1910 - July 11th, 2004

Richer than fuck, but dead.

Marlon Brando · 80

April 3rd, 1924 - July 2nd, 2004

Consider that grocery bill paid in full.

Ray Charles · 73

September 23rd, 1930 - June 10th, 2004

God bless Brother Ray, and the music he made, but he's busted.
The booze and the brown made his liver shut down, and he's busted.

Ronald Reagan · 93

February 6th, 1911 - June 5th, 2004

We begin embalming in five minutes.

William Manchester · 82

April 1st, 1922 - June 1st, 2004

Billy's history.

Archibald Cox · 92

May 17th, 1912 - May 29th, 2004

Quite an interesting choice for a man going into politics, but Archie decided to keep the name he'd used throughout his porno career.

Elvin Jones · 76

September 9th, 1927 - May 18th, 2004

Maybe now he'll stop fucking banging on everything in sight! Sheesh.

Tony Randall · 84

February 26th, 1920 - May 17th, 2004

He fathered his first child at the age of 77, and then did it again when he was 79.

Felix ...?

Alan King · 76

December 26th, 1927 - May 9th, 2004

The king is dead. What a schmuck.

Barney Kessel · 80

October 17th, 1923 - May 6th, 2004

This jazz and studio guitar great played on hundreds of recordings � including Phil Spector's "River Deep-Mountain High" and "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'," Julie London's "Cry Me A River," and many of the Coasters' hits � and was known for beig one of the weirdest dudes in the business.

Clement Dodd · 72

January 26th, 1932 - May 4th, 2004

Coxsone inna doornail stylee.

Hubert Selby · 75

July 23rd, 1928 - April 26th, 2004

Let's see you write your way out of this one, you little freak.

Estee Lauder · 97

July 1st, 1906 - April 24th, 2004

See-u-latered.

Alistair Cooke · 95

November 20th, 1908 - March 30th, 2004

Following a somber, yet tasteful cremation ceremony, Sir Alistair's remains are to be placed in a very elegant urn, and then featured as the host of Mantelpiece Theater.

Peter Ustinov · 82

April 16th, 1921 - March 28th, 2004

Peter used to do a lot of things, but not anymore.

Jan Berry · 62

April 3rd, 1941 - March 26th, 2004

Okay, so, now there's, like, 2.000000001 girls for every boy.

Edmund Sylvers · 47

January 25th, 1957 - March 11th, 2004

The lead singer on "Boogie Fever" has finally succumbed to the disease.

Mercedes McCambridge · 87

March 16th, 1916 - March 2nd, 2004

She provided the voice of the possessed Regan in The Exorcist, and is now sucking cocks in hell.

Marge Schott · 75

August 18th, 1928 - March 2nd, 2004

Her wad.

Carl Anderson · 58

February 27th, 1945 - February 23rd, 2004

Poor old Carl. So long Carl.

Jan Miner · 86

October 15th, 1917 - February 15th, 2004

Embalming fluid? Madge is soaking in it.

Preston Love · 82

April 26th, 1921 - February 12th, 2004

This is one of those cases where a picture is worth at least a thousand words.

Elroy Hirsch · 80

June 17th, 1923 - January 28th, 2004

Now known as Elroy 'Fertilizerlegs' Hirsch.

Jack Paar · 85

May 1st, 1918 - January 27th, 2004

Insert golf joke here.

Bob Keeshan · 76

June 27th, 1927 - January 23rd, 2004

Nice hair, Captain.

Ann Miller · 80

April 12th, 1923 - January 22nd, 2004

The star of On The Town and The Thrill Of Brazil
is lying under ground, and she's keeping very still.

Billy May · 87

November 10th, 1916 - January 22nd, 2004

Then again, he may not.

Ron O'Neal · 66

September 1st, 1937 - January 14th, 2004

The only game he knew was do or die.

Uta Hagen · 84

June 12th, 1919 - January 14th, 2004

Hagen dies.

Randy VanWarmer · 48

March 30th, 1955 - January 12th, 2004

Just when we needed him least.

Spalding Gray · 62

June 5th, 1941 - January 10th, 2004

Cambodia, feh! He couldn't even get out of the East River.

Brother Boniface Schnitzbauer · 96

January 3rd, 1908 - January 7th, 2004

Yes, the same Brother Boniface who gave us the cookbook classic, "Baking with Brother Boniface."

Francesco Scavullo · 82

January 16th, 1921 - January 6th, 2004

Say cheese!

Tug McGraw · 59

August 30th, 1944 - January 5th, 2004

Ya gotta bereave!

Year	Stiffs
2024	39
2023	54
2022	44
2021	56
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!