The Stiffs for 2026

For the 32nd year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Mike Ditka · 86

October 18th, 1939 - October 9th, 2026

Da Coach. Da Bears. Da Funeral.

Eva Saint · 102

July 4th, 1924 - October 6th, 2026

Started her career in On the Waterfront and made it to 102. Took her long enough. Kudos to the 104 players who stayed patient.

Jim Bakker · 86

January 2nd, 1940 - October 5th, 2026

Ran PTL, built a Christian water park, stole millions from his flock, went to prison, then sold buckets of doomsday food on TV. Jim's finally in the end times.

Peter Max · 88

October 19th, 1937 - September 14th, 2026

Painted every rainbow-colored poster in your parents' house in 1968. Finally tripped all the way out.

Gloria Steinem · 92

March 25th, 1934 - September 2nd, 2026

A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. And everybody needs a coffin, eventually.

Tim Curry · 80

April 19th, 1946 - August 25th, 2026

Don't dream it. Be it. Timmy's done both.

Dolly Parton · 80

January 19th, 1946 - August 25th, 2026

9 to 5 is over. Not one person on this website is happy about this one, and we're the assholes. Just a legend.

Jaye Morgan · 94

December 3rd, 1931 - August 24th, 2026

Gong Show judge, flashed her breasts on national TV and got permanently banned from NBC. Finally got her gong.

Shelley Fabares · 82

January 19th, 1944 - August 22nd, 2026

Johnny Angel, how she loved him. Lived happily ever after with Coach. Not so happily now.

Nancy Kissinger · 92

April 13th, 1934 - August 20th, 2026

Married Henry Kissinger, choked a protester at an airport, and outlived him by three years. The marriage was the war crime.

Don Nelson · 86

May 15th, 1940 - August 9th, 2026

Won five championships as a Celtic and then coached 31 years in the NBA without winning a single one. Nellie Ball has fouled out.

Bonnie Tyler · 75

June 8th, 1951 - July 8th, 2026

She was holding out for a hero. The hero did not arrive in time.

Louise Lasser · 87

April 11th, 1939 - July 6th, 2026

Played Mary Hartman, was married to Woody Allen, and was arrested for not paying for a $35 doll. Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman - Mary Hartman's dead.

Alan Greenspan · 100

March 6th, 1926 - June 22nd, 2026

Said the market had "irrational exuberance" in 1996, then watched it go up for four more years. Finally made a call that stuck.

Clive Davis · 94

April 4th, 1932 - June 22nd, 2026

Discovered Janis Joplin, Bruce Springsteen, Whitney Houston and Alicia Keys. Arista Records is going to need a new man to stand next to the talent at the Grammys.

Gene Shalit · 100

March 25th, 1926 - June 12th, 2026

Movie critic, pun machine, and owner of a mustache that had its own zip code. Two thumbs way, way down.

Bob Packwood · 93

September 11th, 1932 - June 6th, 2026

Resigned from the Senate after 29 women accused him of sexual harassment, and when they asked for his diaries, he edited them. He can't edit this one.

Bob Horner · 68

August 6th, 1957 - May 26th, 2026

Hit four home runs in one game for the Braves, then went to Japan and became a god. Back to being mortal now.

Sonny Rollins · 95

September 7th, 1930 - May 25th, 2026

Took sabbaticals from jazz to practice his saxophone alone on the Williamsburg Bridge. The bridge would like everyone to know it finally has some peace and quiet.

Kyle Busch · 41

May 2nd, 1985 - May 21st, 2026

Two Cup Series titles, and he was the most hated man in NASCAR for 20 years running. Rowdy finally crossed the line for the last time.

Barney Frank · 86

March 31st, 1940 - May 19th, 2026

Ran a gay escort service out of his apartment - allegedly without knowing - and then wrote Dodd-Frank. Sort of a theme: other people's money.

Rex Reed · 87

October 2nd, 1938 - May 12th, 2026

Spent sixty years telling us which movies sucked. His review of the afterlife: "Derivative."

Bobby Cox · 84

May 21st, 1941 - May 9th, 2026

Got ejected from more games than any manager in baseball history. This time he finally stays out.

Ted Turner · 87

November 19th, 1938 - May 6th, 2026

Founded CNN, owned the Braves, married Jane Fonda, and owned more land than anybody else in America. Mouth of the South - shut at last.

Davey Lopes · 80

May 3rd, 1945 - April 8th, 2026

Stole 557 bases and won a World Series with the Dodgers. Got thrown out at home.

Chuck Norris · 86

March 10th, 1940 - March 19th, 2026

Chuck Norris doesn't die. Death dies, and then Chuck Norris shows up at its funeral. ...Hold on, we're getting word this was not, in fact, the case.

Lou Holtz · 89

January 6th, 1937 - March 4th, 2026

Coached Notre Dame to a national title, then spent 30 years on ESPN lisping at college students. Death has finally given Lou a halftime speech.

Bo Gritz · 87

January 18th, 1939 - February 27th, 2026

The real-life inspiration for John Rambo spent his retirement selling survivalist courses and running for president on the Populist ticket. First Blood, last breath.

Bill Mazeroski · 89

September 5th, 1936 - February 20th, 2026

Hit the only Game 7 walk-off home run in World Series history. Nobody in Pittsburgh has had a reason to celebrate since.

Eric Dane · 53

November 9th, 1972 - February 19th, 2026

McSteamy is now McStiffy. ALS is a rotten way to go, and Eric was way too young for it.

Jesse Jackson · 84

October 8th, 1941 - February 17th, 2026

Ran for president twice, fathered a love child, and called New York "Hymietown". The Reverend has finally kept hope alive... somewhere else.

Robert Duvall · 95

January 5th, 1931 - February 15th, 2026

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning." The morning, sadly, has now passed.

John Brodie · 90

August 14th, 1935 - January 23rd, 2026

Played 17 seasons as quarterback for the 49ers without winning a thing, then became a pro golfer. San Francisco says he was very consistent.

Year	Stiffs
2026	33
2025	50
2024	45
2023	54
2022	44
2021	57
2020	71
2019	54
2018	51
2017	65
2016	72
2015	59
2014	63
2013	68
2012	81
2011	65
2010	80
2009	65
2008	83
2007	78
2006	99
2005	84
2004	70
2003	97
2002	101
2001	99
2000	92
1999	192
1998	127
1997	119
1996	63
1995	40

Guess the Stiff!