The Stiffs for 2018

For the 24th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Paul Allen · 65

January 21st, 1953 - October 15th, 2018

Did anyone try turning him off and back on again?

Charles Aznavour · 94

May 22nd, 1924 - October 1st, 2018

They called him "The Frank Sinatra of France" - which we assume means he drank a lot and cheated on his wife.

Burt Reynolds · 82

February 11th, 1936 - September 6th, 2018

No longer east bound, but definitely down.

Neil Simon · 91

July 4th, 1927 - August 26th, 2018

Simon says....well, nothing really.

John McCain · 81

August 29th, 1936 - August 25th, 2018

He ran for President twice. Apparently he was way, WAY too smart for that job.

Robin Leach · 76

August 29th, 1941 - August 24th, 2018

Lifestyles of the Limp and Lifeless.

Kofi Annan · 80

April 8th, 1938 - August 18th, 2018

Even winning the Nobel wasn't enough to rank him higher than Boutros Boutros-Ghali in the list of all-time great United Nations Secretary-General names.

Aretha Franklin · 76

March 25th, 1942 - August 16th, 2018

C-R-O-A-K-E-D!

Stan Mikita · 78

May 20th, 1940 - August 7th, 2018

Blackhawk Down

Charlotte Rae · 92

April 22nd, 1926 - August 5th, 2018

Email 957 from today:

"Oh! I know! The Facts Of Death! That's the obit!"

Genius. Yeah. Thanks.

Tab Hunter · 86

July 11th, 1931 - July 8th, 2018

If you're a closeted gay Hollywood heartthrob, you just can't stick with Arthur Kelm.

Harlan Ellison · 84

May 27th, 1934 - June 28th, 2018

He was an award-winning science fiction writer who frequently sued studios for stealing his work. James Cameron hated him, so he couldn't have been that bad.

Joe Jackson (Michaels Dad) · 89

July 26th, 1928 - June 27th, 2018

Whereas Michael just looked KINDA weird, Joe was actually SCARY weird looking. That's saying something.

Anthony Bourdain · 61

June 25th, 1956 - June 8th, 2018

Reservations for one, actually.

Red Schoendienst · 95

February 2nd, 1923 - June 6th, 2018

"Mr. Cardinal" ended up working for the Cards for 74 years - right up until the day he died. That's quite a retirement plan there, Red.

Joseph Campanella · 93

November 21st, 1924 - May 16th, 2018

He had 7 kids - all boys - and lived to be 93. If you figure out how he pulled that off, let us know.

Tom Wolfe · 87

March 2nd, 1931 - May 14th, 2018

He wrote The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, The Bonfire of the Vanities, and The Right Stuff, which are really all just stories about a bunch of crazy people.

Margot Kidder · 69

October 17th, 1948 - May 13th, 2018

Not kidding.

George Deukmejian · 89

June 6th, 1928 - May 8th, 2018

The Duke. Another politician with no scandals section, so we can't write anything funny or insulting about him. Good news: in a few years, THAT will not be a problem.

Verne Troyer · 49

January 1st, 1969 - April 21st, 2018

Needed help with depression and alcohol abuse. Came up a little short.

Barbara Bush · 92

June 8th, 1925 - April 17th, 2018

She gave birth to George W. AND Jeb. Thanks a pantload, Barb.

Art Bell · 72

June 17th, 1945 - April 13th, 2018

If you are a fan of complete WHACKJOBS, this is a huge loss.

Miloš Forman · 86

February 18th, 1932 - April 13th, 2018

Dobře placená procházka was WAY better than One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. Disagree with us. WE WILL FIGHT YOU.

Mitzi Shore · 87

July 25th, 1930 - April 11th, 2018

You’d think someone who ran a comedy store could come up with a better name for her daughter than Sandy.

Susan Anspach · 75

November 23rd, 1942 - April 2nd, 2018

Everyone remembers Five Easy Pieces, but what about The Last Giraffe? What was wrong with that?

Winnie Mandela · 81

September 26th, 1936 - April 2nd, 2018

Nelson Mandela managed to make it through 27 years in prison, but could only handle 2 years married to Winnie once he was out. Not sure what all that means, but it can't be good.

Stephen Hawking · 76

January 8th, 1942 - March 13th, 2018

Say what you want about that crazy wheelchair and weird robot voice - this guy got ALL the chicks.

Roger Bannister · 88

March 23rd, 1929 - March 3rd, 2018

It took considerably longer than four minutes to think of this obituary.

Nanette Fabray · 97

October 27th, 1920 - February 22nd, 2018

There are few things less inspiring than scandal-free elderly celebrities.

Billy Graham · 99

November 7th, 1918 - February 21st, 2018

He's number 7 on Gallup's List of the Most Admired People of the 20th Century - one spot ahead of the Pope. That's gotta piss SOMEBODY off.

Marty Allen · 95

March 23rd, 1922 - February 12th, 2018

Most people know him as "The Darling of Daytime TV", but fewer people know him by his other nickname - "The Freak with the Weird Hairdo".

Vic Damone · 89

June 12th, 1928 - February 11th, 2018

Tzena, Tzena, Tzena.

John Gavin · 86

April 8th, 1931 - February 9th, 2018

His first big break was Imitation of Life. So, um, yeah.

Wally Moon · 87

April 3rd, 1930 - February 9th, 2018

He batted left-handed and threw right-handed - which explains why he didn't have a free hand to take care of that uni-brow.

John Mahoney · 77

June 20th, 1940 - February 5th, 2018

Good. Now we can finally throw out that stupid chair.

Ursula LeGuin · 88

October 21st, 1929 - January 22nd, 2018

She was made famous in 2000, back when we thought that just letting anyone submit anything that anyone anywhere had ever heard of, ever. Yeah. We stopped doing that.