Now that we’ve dispelled the myth of the “celebs dying in threes” thing, it’s time to start a new game where you try to get three hits. Makes sense to us, and that’s really all that matters.
The basic principals are the same: you pick a list of 10 would-be daisy-pushers (and one alternate in case one croaks on you a bit early), and then you comb the Stiffs.com Forums waiting for the good news. But there is a difference here – there is not end date for this game. This one is purely based on who gets 3 stiffs first. As soon as someone hits that magical 3rd corpse, the game is over, and out goes the cash.
The cash distribution is a bit different too – it goes out based on points like before – but this is our first game with a PRIZE POOL. Winners get a percentage of the prize pool – so the more people you get playing, the more money you win! Woo hoo!
Every time you talk to someone about the fun that IS deadpoolery, there are always 3 questions:
- 1. Isn’t that kind of morbid? (Answer: Yes)
- 2. Why are you so handsome? (Answer: I just am)
- 3. Why do celebrities always die in threes?
That last one just bugs us over here at the stiffs.complex. Let’s summarize: they don’t. Celebrities die ALL THE TIME – that’s what makes this game so damned much fun. Just go look at the list of dead celebs for this year so far – it’s a treasure trove of corpses, ALL THE TIME.
Now look – we;re not saying that we don’t see interesting things. Sometimes will be 2, 3, 4, even 5 of the same TYPE of celebrity dying in short order. Sometimes we’ll see 3 authors go all at once, and call it a “writer trifecta” or 4 politicians in a row will be a “storm of windbags”, or 3 socialites will die in 2 days and we’ll call that “a gift to all mankind”. But no – they don’t go in threes.
On average we get about 80 stiffs (once that qualify as actual celebrities, that is) a year. On average, that is one every 4.56 days. Sometimes we’ll get lucky, and get one a day for 6 days straight. Sometimes we go 20 days without any, and then they just drop like famous little flies. Either way – they’re going all the time.
So the next time you hear someone say “Yep! They always die in threes!”, just say “You’re an idiot” – and walk away. Trust us. It’s easier.
It’s all about moving forward here at the stiffs.complex, and our team of dedicated dead pool PHDs have been hard at work looking for the next challenge. And they just gave birth to their new child.
It’s called the 3 Bagger.
Same deal as always – you pick a list of 10 celebs, and an alternate (in case, you know, somebody on your list kicks before the game starts) – and the game starts. The difference here is that instead of getting the most stiffs in a certain time period, we’re looking for the magical number 3. The ancient Incans believed that the number 3 had magic healing powers. We’re looking for just the opposite. Once a list – any list – gets 3 corpses racked up – ANY 3 – the game is over, and the prize money is paid.
We’re working on a couple of last minute details – like how we might split the prize money if multiple people get their 3 all at once – but this game is definitely coming. We’ll start accepting entries in February, and the game will start in March. Once it’s over, we’ll go ahead and start a new one right up. It’s a nonstop Ferris Wheel of Fun – and you can hop right on!
In the meantime, go ahead and hop in on the current game, and we’ll post up the rules and all that stuff once February rolls around. Oh – and that thing about the Incas? Total bullshit.
Got some thoughts? Leave a comment.
OK – so we used to do this on some obscure, all-too-hard-to-find part of the site, but enough people bitched that we figured we should put it right up front. These names here are the ones that are famous. They COUNT. These are the ones that the all-powerful Fame Committee have told us are indeed worthy of deadpoolage.
Now we know what some of you are thinking here: “Hey! They forgot about that guy with that thing on his face from that show in the 60’s that I wrote in! He’s DEFINITELY famous!” Read this part carefully: NO. THEY ARE NOT. The committee has ruled. It’s done. You thought you had a guaranteed famous geezer on your list, and you were wrong. Suck it up and lets move on.
Turns out that the new Select-O-Matic is making it easier to write in candidates. Even after we cleaned up stupid typing mistakes (terrorist names are a BITCH), there were 215 write ins. The ones that were valid were apparently more famous than usual however, because a whopping 110 of them – that’s 51.16% – were deemed famous. We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again – the FC works just fine for our purposes. And we don’t even pay them to participate! Woo Hoo!
So here you go – The Big List of Newly Famous Celebrities for 2010
|Abdelbaset Al Megrahi|
|Max von Sydow|
Ready to Enter the Lee Jr. now?
It’s a tradition, so here they are:
- I’m a Dead Celebrity – Get me out of here!
- Cyst and Decease!
- The Maude Squad!
- Vagina Deathsquad
- Giving away rings at the Holocaust
- Boris Cutyourcockoff
- I am Ruth’s Pancreas
- 80’s Child Star Mormon Prayer List
- Canaries in a Coal Mine
- Tic Tag Toe
- Gold Medalist in the Underground Luge
- Berle is a gnat fucking tweezer dick
- Bag O’ Dicks
- Gee that’s a swell urn, Mrs. Cleaver
- Death Cab for Ugly
- A tisket, a tasket, let’s fill up a casket
That was fun.
It was a big year kids. For a while there mid-year, they were dropping faster than Britney’s underwear. But the excitement had to end, and that happened last night at the stroke of midnight. I know, because I was drinking like a sailor on leave. You can trust me.
Working further to cement his place in history as one of – if not THE greatest deadpooler of all time, DepressED dominated unlike any before him. SIX of the top 10 spots (including the Big Prize) and TEN of the top 20. It’s stunning my any measure, and he deserves our respect. Unfortunately, he’d probably rather have cash, so I’m going to send it to him. $3,537.50, to be exact. He also gets a Stiffs.com shirt, two Stiffs.com mugs and a free entry in the game of his choice. Dominating performance there sir.
The other winners:
- Yeah Yeah Buh Bye: $200
- Feasting Maggots: $100
- User02598 (nice name there, buddy): $37.50
- Doc and DJ: a Stiffs.com shirt and a Stiffs.com mug
2010 is officially our second largest game EVER, with over 1100 entries. There is also a Lee Jr. running already, so get on over and enter that. The fun never ends. But I sure as fuck hope this hangover does.
The game of all games, The Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool – is now up for 2010! Head on over to the entry page and get signed up at once. $3000 is on the line, Poolsters!
As Dead Pool Contests go, this is the biggie.
Well folks, we’ve been busy the last few days here at the stiffs.complex, and it’s all paying off. We’ve added a bunch of new features in just the last 48 hours. Fixed some stuff, made some other stuff easier to find. We’re also adding some new features in the next few days as well – more lists (to help with your research), the Good To Go list is coming back, and so is the much missed Whatificator.
The plan is to launch another game – a Lee Jr. – immediately after the 1st of the year – for all of the poor SAPS who missed out on the Game of All Games. The idea is that it will give us more games to play all year round. Man. We get all erect just thinking about it.
Thanks again for your thoughts and feedback. Feel free to leave more in the comments here, or email us at the contact page. Unless you’re an asshole. In which case, just email us.
Well kids, it was a long road, but we’re finally there. Welcome to the new stiffs.com. The home of death on the web, the greatest deadpool in the WORLD, and the second most fun you can have with your pants off, at home, in front of the computer.
First off, you MUST understand what has happened here. You are now deep in the guts of the newer, improved-er Z-5000a. If you thought the Z-5000 was something, this is very likely going to make you shit yourself like a 2 year old at a horror movie. Upgraded from 6 to 17 – SEVENTEEN – vorktron cylinders, we now have the computing capacity to manage MULTIPLE deadpool games at once, do your taxes, and make a PITCHER of martinis in less than 1 second. True story.
So what’s in this for YOU? Glad you asked. Right out of the gate:
- Single sign on – you create an account here on the site, and you use it to enter games, receive alerts, and order stuff.
- One game a year? Umm – NO. We’re taking entries for The 2010 Lee Atwater Invitational right now, and there will be many more to follow. We’ll also be announcing a new game next month, and another shortly thereafter. You don’t have to go ONE SECOND without basking in the healthy goodness that is deadpoolin’.
- E-Bituaries™ – Tired of waiting for the all-too-slow media outlets to let you know when someone famous has taken the big dirt nap? Then this is the feature you’ve been dreaming of, assuming you weren’t wacked out on Vicodin like us. Just check a box on your profile page, and you get instant alerts from the Game Of Games, telling you who croaked, when, and Quicklinks™ to take you direct to your affected lists, super funny obits, etc.
- Individual pages for EACH celebrity – allow you to go in and add your own suggestions for obits, upload pictures, or just write something nasty about that bitch Megan Fox, and how she won’t reply to any of your emails, ignores you when you yell at her on the street, or calls the cops when you hang out in front of her house. DAMN her.
- Content, baby! – The days of a site with no updates for days or weeks at a time are a distant memory. Right here you’ll be able to see all the latest in the world of corpse counting, with guest writers and everything.
There’s all that, and tons more to come. It’s going to be better than a Miley Cyrus concert on LSD, and we’re damn glad to have you. Thanks for stopping in, and if you have any suggestions, just keep them to yourself. Or send them here. Whatever.