Monthly Archives: January 2010

Celebrities dying in threes: The Big Myth

Every time you talk to someone about the fun that IS deadpoolery, there are always 3 questions:

  1. 1.  Isn’t that kind of morbid?  (Answer:  Yes)
  2. 2.  Why are you so handsome? (Answer:  I just am)
  3. 3.  Why do celebrities always die in threes?

That last one just bugs us over here at the stiffs.complex.  Let’s summarize:  they don’t.  Celebrities die ALL THE TIME – that’s what makes this game so damned much fun.  Just go look at the list of dead celebs for this year so far – it’s a treasure trove of corpses, ALL THE TIME.

Now look – we;re not saying that we don’t see interesting things.  Sometimes will be 2, 3, 4, even 5 of the same TYPE of celebrity dying in short order.  Sometimes we’ll see 3 authors go all at once, and call it a “writer trifecta” or 4 politicians in a row will be a “storm of windbags”, or 3 socialites will die in 2 days and we’ll call that “a gift to all mankind”.  But no – they don’t go in threes.

On average we get about 80 stiffs (once that qualify as actual celebrities, that is) a year. On average, that is one every 4.56 days.  Sometimes we’ll get lucky, and get one a day for 6 days straight.  Sometimes we go 20 days without any, and then they just drop like famous little flies.  Either way – they’re going all the time.

So the next time you hear someone say “Yep!  They always die in threes!”, just say “You’re an idiot” – and walk away.  Trust us.  It’s easier.

New Game Coming!

It’s all about moving forward here at the stiffs.complex, and our team of dedicated dead pool PHDs have been hard at work looking for the next challenge.  And they just gave birth to their new child.

It’s called the 3 Bagger.

Same deal as always – you pick a list of 10 celebs, and an alternate (in case, you know, somebody on your list kicks before the game starts) – and the game starts.  The difference here is that instead of getting the most stiffs in a certain time period, we’re looking for the magical number 3.  The ancient Incans believed that the number 3 had magic healing powers.  We’re looking for just the opposite.  Once a list – any list – gets 3 corpses racked up – ANY 3 – the game is over, and the prize money is paid.

We’re working on a couple of last minute details – like how we might split the prize money if multiple people get their 3 all at once – but this game is definitely coming.  We’ll start accepting entries in February, and the game will start in March.  Once it’s over, we’ll go ahead and start a new one right up.  It’s a nonstop Ferris Wheel of Fun – and you can hop right on!

In the meantime, go ahead and hop in on the current game, and we’ll post up the rules and all that stuff once February rolls around.  Oh – and that thing about the Incas?  Total bullshit.

Got some thoughts?  Leave a comment.

Newly Famous for 2010

OK – so we used to do this on some obscure, all-too-hard-to-find part of the site, but enough people bitched that we figured we should put it right up front.  These names here are the ones that are famous.  They COUNT.  These are the ones that the all-powerful Fame Committee have told us are indeed worthy of deadpoolage.

Now we know what some of you are thinking here:  “Hey!  They forgot about that guy with that thing on his face from that show in the 60’s that I wrote in!  He’s DEFINITELY famous!”  Read this part carefully:  NO.  THEY ARE NOT.  The committee has ruled.  It’s done.  You thought you had a guaranteed famous geezer on your list, and you were wrong.  Suck it up and lets move on.

Turns out that the new Select-O-Matic is making it easier to write in candidates.  Even after we cleaned up stupid typing mistakes (terrorist names are a BITCH), there were 215 write ins.  The ones that were valid were apparently more famous than usual however, because a whopping 110 of them – that’s 51.16% – were deemed famous.  We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again – the FC works just fine for our purposes.  And we don’t even pay them to participate!  Woo Hoo!

So here you go – The Big List of Newly Famous Celebrities for 2010

Steven Adler
Abdelbaset Al Megrahi
Paul Allen
Alan Arkin
Giorgio Armani
David Axelrod
Ginger Baker
Travis Barker
Skip Bayless
Glenn Beck
Lindy Boggs
David Broder
Zbigniew Brzezinski
MC Hammer
Kyle Busch
Kurt Busch
Harry Byrd
Nicolas Cage
Raul Castro
Tommy Chong
Dane Cook
Francis Coppola
Don Cornelius
Charlie Crist
Carson Daly
Paula Deen
Bucky Dent
Dustin Diamond
Ronnie Dio
Faye Dunaway
Nancy Dussault
Wayne Dyer
Lenny Dykstra
Rahm Emanuel
Albert Finney
Heidi Fleiss
Barney Frank
William Friedkin
Lady Gaga
Zach Galifianakis
Valentino Garavani
Robert Gibbs
Mickey Gilley
Nancy Grace
Linda Gray
Melanie Griffith
Bear Grylls
Ray Harryhausen
Nidal Hasan
David Hasselhoff
Mark Hatfield
Dennis Hopper
Daniel Inouye
Sonny James
Larry Johnson
Michael Jordan
Bil Keane
Teresa Kerry
Seyed Khamenei
Melvin Laird
Artie Lange
Annie Leibovitz
Brock Lesnar
Maurice Lucas
Eli Manning
Wink Martindale
Richard Marx
Hideki Matsui
Dave Matthews
Tim McCarver
Frank McCourt
Mindy McCready
Nancy McKeon
Laurie Metcalf
Alyssa Milano
Jaye Morgan
Steven Morrissey
LeRoy Neiman
Redmond O’Neal
Michelle Obama
Trig Palin
Robert Pattinson
Teddy Pendergrass
Tyler Perry
Joaquin Phoenix
Joe Pistone
Dennis Quaid
James Randi
Harry Reid
Pernell Roberts
Tony Roberts
Daniel Schorr
William Scranton
Mitzi Shore
Paul Sorvino
Sly Stone
Tim Tebow
Tila Tequila
Philip Thomas
Marlo Thomas
Maura Tierney
Peter Tork
Stewart Udall
Fay Vincent
Max von Sydow
John Warner
Robin Williams
Kate Winslet
John Woo

Ready to Enter the Lee Jr. now?

The Commissioner’s Favorite 2010 List Names

It’s a tradition, so here they are:

  • I’m a Dead Celebrity – Get me out of here!
  • Cyst and Decease!
  • The Maude Squad!
  • Vagina Deathsquad
  • Giving away rings at the Holocaust
  • Boris Cutyourcockoff
  • I am Ruth’s Pancreas
  • 80’s Child Star Mormon Prayer List
  • Canaries in a Coal Mine
  • Tic Tag Toe
  • Gold Medalist in the Underground Luge
  • Berle is a gnat fucking tweezer dick
  • Bag O’ Dicks
  • Gee that’s a swell urn, Mrs. Cleaver
  • Death Cab for Ugly
  • A tisket, a tasket, let’s fill up a casket

That was fun.

Congrats to the 2009 Winners!

It was a big year kids.  For a while there mid-year, they were dropping faster than Britney’s underwear.  But the excitement had to end, and that happened last night at the stroke of midnight.  I know, because I was drinking like a sailor on leave.  You can trust me.

Working further to cement his place in history as one of – if not THE greatest deadpooler of all time, DepressED dominated unlike any before him.  SIX of the top 10 spots (including the Big Prize) and TEN of the top 20.  It’s stunning my any measure, and he deserves our respect.  Unfortunately, he’d probably rather have cash, so I’m going to send it to him.  $3,537.50, to be exact.  He also gets a shirt, two mugs and a free entry in the game of his choice.  Dominating performance there sir.

The other winners:

  • Yeah Yeah Buh Bye:  $200
  • Feasting Maggots: $100
  • User02598 (nice name there, buddy): $37.50
  • Doc and DJ:  a shirt and a mug

2010 is officially our second largest game EVER, with over 1100 entries.  There is also a Lee Jr. running already, so get on over and enter that.  The fun never ends.  But I sure as fuck hope this hangover does.