As 1999’s Invitational got underway, it quickly became apparent that The Andrew Rypien Adjustment made no discernible difference at all. The harder we tried to limit listed names to “real celebrities,” the better the players seemed to get at foiling our efforts. They were coming up with all kinds of crap, and none of it famous. Determined to get this goddamned game back to the basics of bashing the beautiful people, we put our heads together. That actually might have slowed us down, but eventually, we came up with the notion of eliminating certain identifiable types of candidates that we didn’t think should count. We still valued the objectivity and immediacy of the AP obituary; we just needed to limit its scope some. We created two exceptions, known as the Fame By Illness Exception (FBIE) and the Fame By Association Exception (FBAE). Neither of these really worked (which is why they both got phased out in Y2K), but we were sure pleased with ourselves when we first spelled ’em out. Here’s how the first one reads:

“If a person’s AP obit focuses more on the circumstances leading up to his or her death than on his or her deeds and accomplishments, then that person’s death shall not be credited. Some examples of this exception would be Daniel Canal (multiple transplant boy), Sarah Knauss (oldest woman in the world) and Gorom Louis (smallest surviving octuplet). None of these people will qualify, even if they do get obits. Note that we consider living to be really old a happy accident, rather than an actual accomplishment. However, no illness or circumstance, no matter how sensational or long-lasting, shall negate a person’s legitimate claim to fame. James Earl Ray spent longer dying than he did exhausting his legal appeals, but nobody forgot what made him famous. Ultimately, the determination of whether or not this exception applies will be made by the obituary itself. Yes, kids, we’re actually going to read those suckers.”

Well, not anymore we aren’t. This, the FBAE and all our other lame attempts to define fame have now been made obsolete by The Kim Perrot Renovation. Thanks, Kim.