Go FAQ Yourself

Frequently Asked Questions

Now with Answers!

  1. Who is Lee Atwater?
  2. How did this sickness all start?
  3. How do I play the game?
  4. What’s the deal with the points?
  5. D’you guys have a privacy policy?
  6. How ’bout a page with just the rules, without all that goofy bullshit?
  7. What is The stiffs.com Select-O-Matic?
  8. And what the hell is the Z-5000?
  9. Did you know your celeb list is missing some people?
  10. Can you tell me if one of my names is famous?
  11. What if I enter once and then enter again later — do I still get the Pistol Pete deal?
  12. Who is this Pistol Pete?
  13. I just entered my list. Where can I find it?
  14. Okay, the game just started. Now where’s my list?
  15. Can I enter late if nobody on my list is dead yet?
  16. How come you won’t tell us who the Not Famous are?
  17. When can I submit my list for the next game?
  18. Why is your site so complicated?
  19. What’s with all the Kurt Cobain bashing?
  20. How much do you guys make off this?
  21. What if I need to contact you directly?
  1. Who is Lee Atwater?
    The man we named our beloved contest after was a political go-getter (i.e. scumbag) for the Republican party back in the 1980s. When the two lists for our very first game were turned in (December, 1990), Atwater was on both of them, due to a brain tumor the size of a cantaloupe. Lee succumbed to the malignant melon in March, and turned out to be the only stiff scored by either player for the year.
  2. How did this sickness all start?
    Read this.
  3. How do I play the game?
    Read this.
  4. What’s the deal with the points?
    Hmm. You really need to read this.
  5. D’you guys have a privacy policy?
    As a matter of fact, yes, we do.
  6. How ’bout a page with just the rules, without all that goofy bullshit? Sure, pal, take it easy. The Official Rules for the Invitational are right here.
  7. What is The stiffs.com Select-O-Matic?
    The stiffs.com Select-O-Matic is the world’s first and only fully-automated dead-pool-list-maker-upper. Driven by the awe-inspiring power of the Z-5000a, it’s stocked with more than 1800 pre-approved celebrities, and features the Single-clicker Action-picker and Whispersleek page-reloader technology.
  8. And what the hell is the Z-5000?
    The Z-5000 is our trusty super-duper-computer, created from scratch by ultra geniuses at the stiffs.complex. This colossal machine powers the entire stiffs.complex, handles the data-manipulation and administrative tasks for thousands of Dead Pool contests around the globe, and can make a perfect martini in just seconds! It was built in the early spring of ’98, using only spare vacuum-cleaner parts and a Performa 450. It remains one of the landmark technical achievements of the 20th century. Behold the Z-5000.
  9. Did you know your celeb list is missing some people?
    Yeah, we know. There’s gotta be hundreds and thousands of famous names that didn’t make the cut, as far as the Fame Committee is concerned. We weren’t trying to get ’em all because it’s not possible to get ’em all. Got one you want to put on one of your entries? You can submit it as a write-in candidate, but you’d better read this first.
  10. Can you tell me if one of my names is famous?
    Nope. You’re on your own. Read this.
  11. What if I enter once and then enter again later — do I still get the Pistol Pete deal?
    Negatory, good buddy. Doesn’t work that way. If you want to take advantage of the Pistol Pete, you have to enter the lists all at once.
  12. Who is this Pistol Pete?
    Get hip, youngster.
  13. I just entered my list. Where can I find it?
    You can’t. We don’t post any of the entries until after the game has started, so nobody can steal all your ingenious selections. You’re welcome.
  14. Okay, the game just started. Now where’s my list?
    It usually takes a week or three before we’re completely ready to unveil a new game. We have to get all the responses back from the Fame Committee before we can determine which write-in names are famous and which aren’t.
  15. Can I enter late if nobody on my list is dead yet?
    No. Read this.
  16. How come you won’t tell us who the Not Famous are?
    We don’t want to list those names publicly for a couple of reasons, neither of which are that we’re too polite to show the world the kind of nobodies you idiots think are famous. Firstly, suppose some up-and-coming porn starlet gets written in by Mortician Addams for The March Lee Jr., and doesn’t get recognized by the FC. Addams happens to know that the starlet’s got a weak gag reflex, and he’s got a hunch she may bite off more than she can chew one of these days. Then, in April, St. Valentine’s Day Assacre, her first starring role, hits the big screen and makes her a household name. By the time The October Lee Jr. rolls around, everybody on the Fame Committee has seen the film at least once, and she’s a shoo-in for celebrity status. Why shouldn’t Mortician Addams still be able to use his inside info without all the other players knowing that somebody tried to enter her for some reason? (Enter her, get it?) Mort’s inside dope has been unfairly devalued, and that’s unfair. The second reason we don’t list the Not Famous is the confusion factor. Using the same porn starlet scenario as above, if we put her name on a page under the heading “Not Famous,” a lot of people will assume that that makes her off-limits for all-time. It doesn’t matter what we write, we’ve been there before, and there would be big trouble. It’s worth noting here that the names we do make known, the ones that have been declared Famous, won’t change. Those suckers are up for grabs for keeps. You still awake out there?
  17. When can I submit my list for the next game?
    Right now.
  18. Why is your site so complicated?
    To weed out really stupid people. It kinda works.
  19. What’s with all the Kurt Cobain bashing?
    We’re not bashing the guy — we like Nirvana. Look, when we first put this site up, Kurt had already been dead for more than two years. But everywhere we went, new magazines were on display featuring Kurt’s face on the cover with some blockbuster headline. There were dozens of ’em, and they kept coming, month after month. In fact, they’re still putting them out. What the hell could all those stories be? Readers by the millions were being suckered into shelling out $4.95 to find out there was nothing new. As a public service, we decided to let kids keep up with the latest on the country’s cutest corpse without having to buy endless collections of clothing ads.
  20. How much do you guys make off this?
    That’s really none of your goddamned business, but we’re going tell you anyway, just so you’ll feel like a heel for asking. Here’s an approximated breakdown of expenses vs. gross income for The 2000 Invitational:

    Prize payouts ……………………………………………… $3875.00
    ISP and programming costs ………………………….. $1200.00
    Business taxes and fees ………………………………… $900.00
    Credit card authorization, bank costs ……………….. $800.00
    Outsourcing (graphics, legal, etc.) …………………… $285.00
    Incidentals (trophy engraving, etc.) ………………….. $100.00
    Total Expenses …………………………………………. $7160.00

    Total Entries ……………………………………………………….. 899
    Bonus lists + consolation prize entries ………………….. – 276
    Paid Entries ………………………………………………………… 623

    × $15.00
    Gross Income ……………………………………………. $9345.00

    Less Total Expenses ……………………………………. $7160.00

    Net Profit …………………………………………………… $2185.00

    That, split three ways, is what we got for the year. It works out to an average of a little less than 73¢ an hour.

  21. What if I need to contact you directly?
    Are you serious? After all of this you STILL want to bother us? During happy hour? OK – fine. Send us an email by clicking this.

14 thoughts on “Go FAQ Yourself

  1. SkeletonSeeker

    Hey, can we predict when YOU guys are gonna die? Oh, never mind; you have to be famous to do that. Die, I mean. Just kiddin’ with ya. Stay alive so I can play this damn game.

    Reply
  2. Dead Already?

    The words that get my attention when the TV is on…..
    “The entertainment world is mourning the loss of……….”

    Reply
  3. Jeanne Wolverton

    What time zone do you use when people die. For instance it said that Ed koch died at 2am Feb 1st but you have him listed as dying on Jan. 31.

    Reply
  4. Debbie

    What happened to the Candelight Vigil you used to have on your website? I loved it and can no longer find it.

    Reply
    1. JuhBloose

      The trouble is Castro took so freaking long to die. Without the vigil regularly changed to a new subject, it was all but forgotten about. It was arguably his greatest revenge on the capitalist world.

      Reply
  5. Lane Gray

    I can’t find the name of the celeb who died just after getting [a major award or Hall of Fame admission: don’t recall which].
    It came to mind with yesterday’s death of songwriter/ producer/steel guitarist/everything else in country music “Cowboy” Jack Clement just after he made the HoF. Although in his case, I think they knew he was dying and wanted him in prehumously.

    Reply

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