Here’s the deal. We make fun of sick people, cheer the deaths of cultural icons, and insult our own customers, but, basically, we’re decent, honest guys. Mean-spirited humor and bitter sarcasm notwithstanding, we have a moral code that we not only live by, but faithfully defend. It’s true! Anyway, we’re not running for office, or anything. We just wanted to take a moment to try to allay any fears you may have about e-mail addresses or credit card numbers.

If you send us an e-mail, we’re going to put your e-dress in our database, so we can send you one back. We don’t sell or share e-mail addresses, and we don’t have any “partner sites” or “advertising affiliates” to give them to. Nobody sees it but us. We send out about a half a dozen stiffs.com-related bulletins a year, and that’s it. If you ask us to stop sending you mail, we will. If you ask us not to publish what you write, we won’t. Anything and everything else that you send us, whether electronic or regular mail — hey, well, that’s like a gift, you know? We might do anything at all with it. Shit, you could make E-mail Of The Week.

As for the question of internet security, that’s a whole ‘nother pet peeve. We hear a lot about the added danger of electronic fraud and identify theft, but, quite frankly, we don’t buy it. Yes, the possibility exists that there’s some guy with headphones, perched up on a telephone pole somewhere, picking off numbers as they whizz by. And we know that the secure server we use cannot guarantee 100% ironclad protection against the ninja-stealth crooks we know are out there in their ski-masks and lab coats. You might get hit by lightning, too. Yet, the same people who are too cautious to put their account numbers “out there” on the web, happily hand their cards to pimply-faced clerks every day. Ever buy concert tickets over the phone? Ever eat in a restaurant?

Well, whatever. We don’t expect to convince all of you. We just wanted to put in our two cents on the issue. Megaphone off. Over and out.

But, the promise still goes.