|1.||The Tony Canadeo Three Bagger||11|
|2.||The February 2012 Lee Jr.||14|
|3.||The 2012 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||99|
|4.||The Paula Newby-Fraser Three Bagger||3|
|5.||The Harmon Killebrew Memorial Three Bagger||3|
|6.||The August 2011 Lee Jr.||4|
|7.||The Babe Ruth Memorial Three Bagger||7|
|8.||The May 2011 Lee Jr.||3|
|9.||The Dale Earnhardt Memorial Three Bagger||7|
|10.||The February 2011 Lee Jr.||12|
|11.||The 2011 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||105|
|12.||The Alexandre Dumas Memorial Three-Bagger||4|
|13.||The August 2010 Lee Jr.||15|
|14.||The Ted Dekker Memorial Three-Bagger||4|
|15.||The May 2010 Lee Jr.||2|
|16.||The Aleksander Petrovic Memorial Three-Bagger||11|
|17.||The February 2010 Lee Jr.||18|
|18.||The 2010 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||79|
|19.||The 2009 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||26|
|20.||The 2008 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||31|
|21.||The 2007 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||53|
|22.||The 2006 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||55|
|23.||The 2005 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||114|
|24.||The 2004 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
|25.||The 2003 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
|26.||The October '02 Lee Jr.||1|
|27.||The September '01 Lee Jr.||1|
|28.||The March '01 Lee Jr.||1|
|29.||The 2001 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
|30.||The September '99 Lee Jr.||1|
|31.||The 1999 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
"Put a coupla pennies on Ol' Blue Eyes .... He's a goner."
No, that's no good. We gotta do better than that. How 'bout
"Start spreadin' the news -- he's dead."
No, that's lame. This death is big. This death is bigger than big. It's huge. We need something really fantastic, like
"The Chairman is as stiff as a board."
That sucks. Dammit, we've got to think harder!
"From Here To Eternity."
"Shot down in May."
Pathetic. Wait a sec,
"He did it--"
No, no, that's worse than the Henny Youngman thing. Jesus, the pressure is killing us. Do you people have any idea what this is like? Seventy-five million of you bloodthirsty sons-of-bitches are gonna be checking into this site right here, just to see what we write about Frank, and you know what? Yeah, he was a big star and a boozer and a womanizer and a pig and everything, but we know you bastards, and you're vicious. You're gonna want us to go for the jugular on this one, and man, we just weren't ready. Yeah, yeah, we shoulda seen it coming, it's true, but, jeez, the guy's like a statue or something, you know? Somehow, we just couldn't imagine it really, actually happening. And now it's happened, and we're completely stuck. Shit. We're fucked. We've been waiting and waiting for them to plant this old fart and put us in the spotlight, and now that baby's trained right on us, and we don't know what the hell to do. Okay, hang on. We've just got to pull it together and give it our best shot. Okay. Let's take a deep breath. We can get through this. Alright. Here we go. Ready?
"He's been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet -- and now he's a corpse."
God, that's horrible. Sorry.
(d) May 14th, 1998