The Casualty List
For the 19th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on any lists, or if they mattered at all in our world, you'll find them here. If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory. |
| Stiffs for 2013 | ||
| 27. |  |
Dick Trickle, 71 October 27, 1941 - May 16th, 2013 Race car driver? Really? How was he not a porn star? |
| 26. |  |
Billy Sol Estes, 88 January 10, 1925 - May 14th, 2013 You know when you sometimes refer to someone as a "dirty, lowlife, thieving, scumbag, huckster asshole"? This was the guy that coined that phrase. |
| 25. |  |
Dr. Joyce Brothers, 85 October 20, 1927 - May 13th, 2013 Over the years she changed the name of her show from The Dr. Joyce Brothers Show to Consult Dr. Brothers to Tell Me, Dr. Brothers to Ask Dr. Brothers to Living Easy with Dr. Joyce Brothers, and now, finally to Lying Perfectly Still with Dr. Joyce Brothers |
| 24. |  |
Ray Harryhausen, 92 June 29, 1920 - May 7th, 2013 Motion stopped. |
| 23. |  |
Deanna Durbin, 91 December 4, 1921 - April 28th, 2013 Let's call it "Every Sunday but ONE" |
| 22. |  |
George Jones, 81 September 12, 1931 - April 26th, 2013 He definitely stopped loving her today. |
| 21. |  |
George Beverly Shea, 104 February 1, 1909 - April 16th, 2013 He sang to over 220 million people over his lifetime, worked with Billy Graham for over 50 years, and recorded over 500 vocal solos on more than 70 albums. And yet - we had no idea who the fuck he was until we looked him up. Go figure. |
| 20. |  |
Pat Summerall, 82 May 10, 1930 - April 16th, 2013 Sudden death. |
| 19. |  |
Jonathan Winters, 87 November 11, 1925 - April 11th, 2013 In the dead of Winters. |
| 18. |  |
Annette Funicello, 70 October 22, 1942 - April 8th, 2013 M-I-C - see you in the afterlife! K-E-Y - Why? Because you had MS! |
| 17. |  |
Margaret Thatcher, 87 October 13, 1925 - April 8th, 2013 Being nicknamed "The Iron Lady" by the Brits is like being named "World's toughest" by the Boy Scouts. We're not impressed. |
| 16. |  |
Roger Ebert, 70 June 18, 1942 - April 4th, 2013 He died with a smile on his face. |
| 15. |  |
Rise Stevens, 99 June 11, 1913 - March 20th, 2013 Did you see her portrayal of Marfa in Moussorgsky's Khovanshchina? She kicked ass in that. |
| 14. |  |
Harry Reems, 65 August 27, 1947 - March 20th, 2013 Rest in penis. |
| 13. |  |
Hugo Chavez, 58 July 28, 1954 - March 5th, 2013 Hugone. |
| 12. |  |
Bonnie Franklin, 69 January 6, 1944 - March 1st, 2013 That was it. |
| 11. |  |
Van Cliburn, 78 July 12, 1934 - February 27th, 2013 He won the first quadrennial International Tchaikovsky Piano Competition in Moscow at age 23, which means there is absolutely no chance he ever got laid. Have a little respect. |
| 10. |  |
C. Everett Koop, 96 October 14, 1916 - February 25th, 2013 Flew. |
| 9. |  |
Jerry Buss, 79 January 27, 1934 - February 18th, 2013 Buss Stopped. |
| 8. |  |
Mindy McCready, 37 November 30, 1975 - February 17th, 2013 Girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. |
| 7. |  |
Ed Koch, 88 December 12, 1924 - January 31st, 2013 When asked about his sex life by the press in his early 70's, his response was "Fuck Off". We like this guy. |
| 6. |  |
Patty Andrews, 94 February 16, 1918 - January 30th, 2013 She was a famous singer chick from Minnesota way Both her sisters thought that she might be gay She was plenty old at 94 But then her number came up and now she's here no more She's in the ground now, placed there carefully She the crusty, dusty singing chick in the cemetery |
| 5. |  |
Stan Musial, 92 November 21, 1920 - January 19th, 2013 Yes - he was a 24 time all-star selection, compiled 3630 hits, and is widely considered the best left fielder of all time, and is in the Hall of Fame. But for OUR money, the fact that he played the harmonica on Hee Haw in 1994 AND made an album of harmonica songs? THAT is what makes someone famous. |
| 4. |  |
Earl Weaver, 82 August 14, 1930 - January 19th, 2013 Ejected. |
| 3. |  |
Dear Abby, 94 July 4, 1918 - January 16th, 2013 Dear Abby, I think my husband is cheating on me. I keep finding little clues around the house - hotel keys, receipts for restaurants we've never been to, that sort of thing. I feel guilty even thinking it, but I have to know. Should I approach him and just ask? Or should I spy on him to find out? -- BETRAYED IN BALTIMORE Dear Betrayed - I'm dead. |
| 2. |  |
Conrad Bain, 89 February 4, 1923 - January 14th, 2013 Todd Bridges is the one from Diff'rent Strokes who lived the longest? Crazy. |
| 1. |  |
Patti Page, 85 November 8, 1927 - January 1st, 2013 How much is that coffin in the window? |