For the 20th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Choose any date combination:      
Ben Bradlee

55

Ben Bradlee · 93

August 26th, 1921 - October 21st, 2014


Deep box.

Oscar De Le Renta

54

Oscar De Le Renta · 82

July 22nd, 1932 - October 20th, 2014


Fashionably late.

Polly Bergen

53

Polly Bergen · 84

July 14th, 1930 - September 20th, 2014


Polly wanna casket?

Frank Torre

52

Frank Torre · 82

December 30th, 1931 - September 13th, 2014


He taught his brother Joe everything he knew about baseball. Big WHOOP.

Ian Paisley

51

Ian Paisley · 88

April 6th, 1926 - September 12th, 2014


Man - this is a huge loss. It takes someone with real talent to entertain MILLIONS of people using your musical gifts. As if that weren't enough, he was a huge philanthropist and did benefit concerts almost every time he was asked. Married to Kimberly Williams (from Father of the Bride as well as other films and TV shows), she was as active as he was. The two of them together formed..

What? IAN Paisley? We thought you said BRAD. Who the FUCK is Ian Paisley? What? Are you serious? How are we supposed to write about THAT? Fuck it. We'll do it later.

Richard Kiel

50

Richard Kiel

September 10th, 2014


You're gonna need a bigger casket.

Joan Rivers

49

Joan Rivers · 81

June 8th, 1933 - September 4th, 2014


Embalming not required.

Richard Attenborough

48

Richard Attenborough · 90

August 29th, 1923 - August 24th, 2014


Great funeral. Spared no expense.

Don Pardo

47

Don Pardo · 96

February 22nd, 1918 - August 18th, 2014


Saturday Night De.. - no. Wait. We can't do that. That's ridiculous. What have we become? Just going for the obvious? No. This game has a long, proud tradition of finding the funniest blurb we can from a giant pile of steaming obvious. It's time to kick it up a notch. Time to light the collective fire under our asses, and come up with something more than good. Something GREAT. Here we go:

Dammit. Nothing. Fuck. Sorry.

Lauren Bacall

46

Lauren Bacall · 89

September 16th, 1924 - August 12th, 2014


You know how to succumb, don'tcha, Lauren? You just put your lids together and go.

Robin Williams

45

Robin Williams · 63

July 21st, 1951 - August 11th, 2014


Dead People's Society.

James Brady

44

James Brady · 73

August 29th, 1940 - August 4th, 2014


So maybe a 21-gun salute would be inappropriate here ...

James Garner

43

James Garner · 86

April 7th, 1928 - July 19th, 2014


At the tone, leave your name and message. I'll never get back to you.

Johnny Winter

42

Johnny Winter · 70

February 23rd, 1944 - July 16th, 2014


He released an album titled Still Alive and Well in 1973.

Tommy Ramone

41

Tommy Ramone · 62

January 29th, 1952 - July 11th, 2014


Rock rock rock, rock and roll plant food.

Eduard Shevardnadze

40

Eduard Shevardnadze · 86

January 25th, 1928 - July 7th, 2014


Deadski.

Paul Mazursky

39

Paul Mazursky · 84

April 25th, 1930 - July 1st, 2014


Downer and Outer.

Bobby Womack

38

Bobby Womack · 70

March 4th, 1944 - June 27th, 2014


It's all over now.

Eli Wallach

37

Eli Wallach · 98

December 7th, 1915 - June 24th, 2014


He had a pretty amazing career, with the exception being that his last film was Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Did you see THAT piece of crap? Oh man. Yeah - Michael Douglas was good, and even Shia LaBeouf was passable (and we usually hate him), but the story was just idiotic. Plot twists, weird visions, and a female lead who might as well have not even been there. The ending? Oh man. We've never seen anything so dumb in our lives. How does this sort of thing happen anyway? Doesn't anyone in Hollywood have the BALLS to stand up and say "Hey! Wall Street was great, but it doesn't NEED a sequel! Get your head out of your ass!"? Of course they don't. Because art in Hollywood is dead, and it's just all about money now. It's sad. It really is. Oh yeah. Eli's dead too.

Tony Gwynn

36

Tony Gwynn · 54

May 9th, 1960 - June 16th, 2014


His nicknames were "Mr. Padre" and "Captain Video". Really? That's the best anyone could do for an 18 time all-star, 7 time silver slugger and 5 time golden glove award winner? How about "The San Diego Hammer" or "Black Lightning"? Jesus - do we have to think up EVERYTHING around here?

Casey Kasem

35

Casey Kasem · 82

April 27th, 1932 - June 15th, 2014


Here's a long distance dedication to Casey from Reaper G: "I've been waiting for you a long time. I can't wait to spend eternity with you. You're my everything."

Chuck Noll

34

Chuck Noll · 82

January 5th, 1932 - June 13th, 2014


And void.

Ruby Dee

33

Ruby Dee · 91

October 27th, 1922 - June 12th, 2014


Ceased.

Don Zimmer

32

Don Zimmer · 83

January 17th, 1931 - June 4th, 2014


He had what they call a "baseball mind," which is another way of saying that he had a plate in his head and a double-digit IQ.

Ann Davis

31

Ann Davis · 88

May 5th, 1926 - June 1st, 2014


Where the hell are we going to find 6 pallbearers?

Malcolm Glazer

30

Malcolm Glazer · 86

May 25th, 1928 - May 28th, 2014


He owned Manchester United AND the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Bottom line: you just can never compensate enough for a receding hairline.

Maya Angelou

29

Maya Angelou · 86

April 4th, 1928 - May 28th, 2014


I know why the boxed bird just lays there.

Jerry Vale

28

Jerry Vale · 83

July 8th, 1930 - May 18th, 2014


He sang Have you looked into your heart?, Deep in Your Heart, I've Lost My Heart Again, In the Back of My Heart and Don't Tell My Heart to Stop Loving You - which all of corse work for a dude with heart failure. But somehow Hello and Goodbye just tickles our fancy a bit more. Go figure.

Efrem Zimbalist

27

Efrem Zimbalist · 95

November 30th, 1918 - May 2nd, 2014


Sunsetted, and stripped.

Bob Hoskins

26

Bob Hoskins · 71

October 26th, 1942 - April 30th, 2014


Framed.

Jack Ramsay

25

Jack Ramsay · 89

February 21st, 1925 - April 27th, 2014


In 1999, he was convicted of the attempted rape of a 14 year old Cree girl. Yeah, yeah - we know. That's the OTHER Jack Ramsay - the politician from Canada. But that was what we got when we looked him up, and we'll be damned if we're reading another 2 paragraphs on the Internet. Last night was 2 for 1 margarita night at Pepe's Palace, and we couldn't control ourselves. Massive hangover. So instead of some basketball guy, you get a Canadian rapist. Sorry. We'll do better next time.

Rubin

24

Rubin "Hurricane" Carter · 76

May 6th, 1937 - April 20th, 2014


Today's forecast: 0% chance of hurricane.

Gabriel Marquez

23

Gabriel Marquez · 87

March 6th, 1927 - April 17th, 2014


Even more solitude!

John Pinette

22

John Pinette · 50

March 23rd, 1964 - April 6th, 2014


(Insert Pine Joke Here)

Mickey Rooney

21

Mickey Rooney · 93

September 23rd, 1920 - April 6th, 2014


The Commissioner met him on New Years Eve 1999 in Palm Springs. It went like this: Commish: Hello Mr. Rooney - great show. Rooney: Who are you? Commish: The brother in law of your band leader. Rooney: Oh. And he walked away.

Charles Keating

20

Charles Keating · 90

December 4th, 1923 - March 31st, 2014


The S&L scandal was bad, but what makes this guy a REAL asshole was when he tried to mess with pornography. Rip off all the people you want, but keep the hell away from our porn.

Lawrence Walsh

19

Lawrence Walsh · 102

January 8th, 1912 - March 19th, 2014


Lawyer.

Fred Phelps

18

Fred Phelps · 84

November 13th, 1929 - March 19th, 2014


If there is a God, it's a safe bet that Fred will be taking it in the ass for all of eternity.

Sam Lacey

17

Sam Lacey · 65

March 28th, 1948 - March 15th, 2014


Slay Came.

William Clay Ford Sr.

16

William Clay Ford Sr. · 88

March 14th, 1925 - March 9th, 2014


Lions fans are mourning the loss of a great leader. There are 3 lies in that sentence. See if you can find them.

Harold Ramis

15

Harold Ramis · 69

November 21st, 1944 - February 24th, 2014


NOW who are you gonna call?

Maria von Trapp

14

Maria von Trapp · 99

September 28th, 1914 - February 18th, 2014


The hills have finally shut up.

Ralph Waite

13

Ralph Waite · 85

June 22nd, 1928 - February 13th, 2014


Good night John Boy. Good night Elizabeth. Good night Daddy. Daddy? Daddy?

Sid Caesar

12

Sid Caesar · 91

September 8th, 1922 - February 12th, 2014


Sid Seizure.

Shirley Temple

11

Shirley Temple · 85

April 23rd, 1928 - February 10th, 2014


Somewhat slightly less bright eyes.

Ralph Kiner

10

Ralph Kiner · 91

October 27th, 1922 - February 6th, 2014


Just one of those Kiner days.

Philip Seymour Hoffman

9

Philip Seymour Hoffman · 46

July 23rd, 1967 - February 2nd, 2014


Kaput-e.

Maximilian Schell

8

Maximilian Schell · 83

December 8th, 1930 - February 1st, 2014


Maxed out.

Pete Seeger

7

Pete Seeger · 94

May 3rd, 1919 - January 27th, 2014


Where have all the folkies gone?

Claudio Abbado

6

Claudio Abbado · 80

June 26th, 1933 - January 20th, 2014


Never heard of him? How have you not heard of him? He won the Grand cross of the L├ęgion d'honneur, Bundesverdienstkreuz for chrissakes. Try reading the paper every once in a while. Sheesh.

Dave Madden

5

Dave Madden · 82

December 17th, 1931 - January 16th, 2014


Played the manager of The Partridge Family, then a diner patron on Alice. We thought he was either a football guy or someone to do with women's shoes. Either way - somehow he's a celebrity.

Russell Johnson

4

Russell Johnson · 89

November 10th, 1924 - January 16th, 2014


And now we'll never know the answer to the question that only the Professor can answer. Ginger? Or Mary Ann?

Ariel Sharon

3

Ariel Sharon · 85

February 26th, 1928 - January 11th, 2014


An Israeli general who has GIRL names for both his first AND last names. Pussy.

Run Run Shaw

2

Run Run Shaw · 106

November 23rd, 1907 - January 6th, 2014


Done done.

Phil Everly

1

Phil Everly · 74

January 19th, 1939 - January 3rd, 2014


Hello, emptiness.

 
 

 

Guess the Stiff!

They called him "The Human Horn". Insert joke about getting blown here.

(d) June 4th, 2003