The Casualty List
For the 18th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed. If they were on any lists, or if they mattered at all in our world, you'll find them here. If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory. |
| Stiffs for 2012 | ||
| 26. |  |
Abdelbaset Al Megrahi, 60 April 1, 1952 - May 20th, 2012 As the cowardly loser responsible for bombing Pan Am 103, we hope he enjoys an eternity of playing horseshoes with Gaddafi in hell. |
| 25. |  |
Robin Gibb, 62 December 22, 1949 - May 20th, 2012 6 hours. That's how long we spent trying to figure out how to work "Stayin' Alive" into an obit. Fuck it. He's dead. |
| 24. |  |
Donna Summer, 63 December 31, 1948 - May 17th, 2012 Last dance. |
| 23. |  |
Donald Duck Dunn, 70 November 24, 1941 - May 13th, 2012 Went from goat piss to gasoline. |
| 22. |  |
Carroll Shelby, 89 January 11, 1923 - May 11th, 2012 Stalled. |
| 21. |  |
Vidal Sassoon, 84 January 17, 1928 - May 9th, 2012 I guess we don't look good. |
| 20. |  |
Maurice Sendak, 83 June 10, 1928 - May 8th, 2012 Maurice roared his terrible roar and gnashed his terrible teeth and rolled his terrible eyes and showed his terrible claws- till Max said "BE STILL!" |
| 19. |  |
Junior Seau, 43 January 19, 1969 - May 2nd, 2012 He sure did. |
| 18. |  |
Amarillo Slim, 83 December 31, 1928 - April 29th, 2012 And getting slimmer all the time. |
| 17. |  |
Levon Helm, 71 May 26, 1940 - April 19th, 2012 His two big hit albums were Electric Dirt and Dirt Farmer. 'Nuff said. |
| 16. |  |
Dick Clark, 82 November 30, 1929 - April 18th, 2012 5! 4! 3! 2! Dick? Dick? |
| 15. |  |
Mike Wallace, 93 May 9, 1918 - April 7th, 2012 tick ... tick ... tick ... tick ... |
| 14. |  |
Thomas Kinkade, 54 January 19, 1958 - April 6th, 2012 Snuffed. |
| 13. |  |
Earl Scruggs, 88 January 6, 1924 - March 28th, 2012 He was proof that banjo players get all the chicks. |
| 12. |  |
Ivan Demyanyuk, 91 April 3, 1920 - March 17th, 2012 He was a Nazi war criminal convicted of 27,900 counts of murder, and he lived in Cleveland for most of his life. Figures. |
| 11. |  |
Davy Jones, 66 December 30, 1945 - February 29th, 2012 Actually, he IS our stepping stone now. |
| 10. |  |
Gary Carter, 57 April 8, 1954 - February 16th, 2012 He "caught" cancer. Get it? He was a catcher! Ha ha! |
| 9. |  |
Whitney Houston, 48 August 9, 1963 - February 11th, 2012 Houston, we have a problem. |
| 8. |  |
Ben Gazzara, 81 August 28, 1930 - February 3rd, 2012 If it's Friday, he must be dead. |
| 7. |  |
Don Cornelius, 75 September 27, 1936 - February 1st, 2012 The train has left the station. |
| 6. |  |
Angelo Dundee, 90 August 30, 1921 - February 1st, 2012 As Ali said about him recently "Angelo inna goo goo ga na ma ma". |
| 5. |  |
Robert Hegyes, 60 May 7, 1951 - January 26th, 2012 Dear Mr. Kotter, Please excuse Epstein from school. He's dead. Signed, Epstein's Mother |
| 4. |  |
Joe Paterno, 85 December 21, 1926 - January 22nd, 2012 Nothing will overshadow the fact that he was the winningest coach in major college football history. Wait. What? Seriously? |
| 3. |  |
Etta James, 73 January 25, 1938 - January 20th, 2012 We know what you're expecting us to write here, but guess what: no go. It's just too easy, and besides - she kicked her drug habit 20+ years ago, and only got sick about a year ago. So now will you leave us alone about it - At Last? |
| 2. |  |
Johnny Otis, 90 December 28, 1921 - January 17th, 2012 Wikipedia says, "In 1969 he recorded an album of sexually explicit material under the name 'Snatch and the Poontangs'."
That's good enough for us. |
| 1. |  |
William Janklow, 72 September 13, 1939 - January 12th, 2012 He was a dubious politician convicted of vehicular manslaughter who had brain cancer. Are we sure he wasn't a Kennedy? |
