The Stiffs for 2014 · Stiffs.com

For the 20th year running, we present our fondest farewells to the recently departed.

If they were on any lists — or if they mattered at all in the world — you'll find them here.

If you're looking for everybody, then you need to head on over to the Directory.

Gabriel Marquez · 87

March 6th, 1927 - April 17th, 2014

Even more solitude!

John Pinette · 50

March 23rd, 1964 - April 6th, 2014

(Insert Pine Joke Here)

Mickey Rooney · 93

September 23rd, 1920 - April 6th, 2014

The Commissioner met him on New Years Eve 1999 in Palm Springs. It went like this: Commish: Hello Mr. Rooney - great show. Rooney: Who are you? Commish: The brother in law of your band leader. Rooney: Oh. And he walked away.

Charles Keating · 90

December 4th, 1923 - March 31st, 2014

The S&L scandal was bad, but what makes this guy a REAL asshole was when he tried to mess with pornography. Rip off all the people you want, but keep the hell away from our porn.

Lawrence Walsh · 102

January 8th, 1912 - March 19th, 2014

Lawyer.

Fred Phelps · 84

November 13th, 1929 - March 19th, 2014

If there is a God, it's a safe bet that Fred will be taking it in the ass for all of eternity.

Sam Lacey · 65

March 28th, 1948 - March 15th, 2014

Slay Came.

William Clay Ford Sr. · 88

March 14th, 1925 - March 9th, 2014

Lions fans are mourning the loss of a great leader. There are 3 lies in that sentence. See if you can find them.

Harold Ramis · 69

November 21st, 1944 - February 24th, 2014

NOW who are you gonna call?

Maria von Trapp · 99

September 28th, 1914 - February 18th, 2014

The hills have finally shut up.

Ralph Waite · 85

June 22nd, 1928 - February 13th, 2014

Good night John Boy. Good night Elizabeth. Good night Daddy. Daddy? Daddy?

Sid Caesar · 91

September 8th, 1922 - February 12th, 2014

Sid Seizure.

Shirley Temple · 85

April 23rd, 1928 - February 10th, 2014

Somewhat slightly less bright eyes.

Ralph Kiner · 91

October 27th, 1922 - February 6th, 2014

Just one of those Kiner days.

Philip Seymour Hoffman · 46

July 23rd, 1967 - February 2nd, 2014

Kaput-e.

Maximilian Schell · 83

December 8th, 1930 - February 1st, 2014

Maxed out.

Pete Seeger · 94

May 3rd, 1919 - January 27th, 2014

Where have all the folkies gone?

Claudio Abbado · 80

June 26th, 1933 - January 20th, 2014

Never heard of him? How have you not heard of him? He won the Grand cross of the Légion d'honneur, Bundesverdienstkreuz for chrissakes. Try reading the paper every once in a while. Sheesh.

Dave Madden · 82

December 17th, 1931 - January 16th, 2014

Played the manager of The Partridge Family, then a diner patron on Alice. We thought he was either a football guy or someone to do with women's shoes. Either way - somehow he's a celebrity.

Russell Johnson · 89

November 10th, 1924 - January 16th, 2014

And now we'll never know the answer to the question that only the Professor can answer. Ginger? Or Mary Ann?

Ariel Sharon · 85

February 26th, 1928 - January 11th, 2014

An Israeli general who has GIRL names for both his first AND last names. Pussy.

Run Run Shaw · 106

November 23rd, 1907 - January 6th, 2014

Done done.

Phil Everly · 74

January 19th, 1939 - January 3rd, 2014

Hello, emptiness.