Holocaust survivor, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, writer of 57 books. No scandals, affairs, controversies. We're going to pass on this one. You guys have fun with it.
|1.||The 2016 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
|2.||The May 2015 Lee Jr.||1|
|3.||The 2015 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
|4.||The 2014 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
|5.||The 2013 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||3|
|6.||The Harmon Killebrew Memorial Three Bagger||1|
|7.||The August 2011 Lee Jr.||1|
|8.||The 2011 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
|9.||The February 2010 Lee Jr.||1|
|10.||The 2010 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
|11.||The 2009 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||4|
|12.||The 2008 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||4|
|13.||The 2007 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||3|
|14.||The 2006 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||2|
|15.||The 2005 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||3|
|16.||The 2004 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
|17.||The September '99 Lee Jr.||1|
|18.||The 1999 Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool||1|
"Put a coupla pennies on Ol' Blue Eyes .... He's a goner."
No, that's no good. We gotta do better than that. How 'bout
"Start spreadin' the news -- he's dead."
No, that's lame. This death is big. This death is bigger than big. It's huge. We need something really fantastic, like
"The Chairman is as stiff as a board."
That sucks. Dammit, we've got to think harder!
"From Here To Eternity."
"Shot down in May."
Pathetic. Wait a sec,
"He did it--"
No, no, that's worse than the Henny Youngman thing. Jesus, the pressure is killing us. Do you people have any idea what this is like? Seventy-five million of you bloodthirsty sons-of-bitches are gonna be checking into this site right here, just to see what we write about Frank, and you know what? Yeah, he was a big star and a boozer and a womanizer and a pig and everything, but we know you bastards, and you're vicious. You're gonna want us to go for the jugular on this one, and man, we just weren't ready. Yeah, yeah, we shoulda seen it coming, it's true, but, jeez, the guy's like a statue or something, you know? Somehow, we just couldn't imagine it really, actually happening. And now it's happened, and we're completely stuck. Shit. We're fucked. We've been waiting and waiting for them to plant this old fart and put us in the spotlight, and now that baby's trained right on us, and we don't know what the hell to do. Okay, hang on. We've just got to pull it together and give it our best shot. Okay. Let's take a deep breath. We can get through this. Alright. Here we go. Ready?
"He's been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate, a poet -- and now he's a corpse."
God, that's horrible. Sorry.
(d) May 14th, 1998