Didn't see my name on the entry list...of course, I mailed my list on December
30, so maybe that's why. Perhaps I should be more patient. Perhaps I should be
a better person. Perhaps I'll wait a week and see if it pops up.
Thanks!
-Roger Los
If you actually had schtooped me for 11 bucks, I probably would've figured it
was worth it. I would have had a good laugh and a good story to tell.
-Rgdye
Dear stiffs.com Sirs:
By now, you should have received, or will very soon receive, my pair of
lists (which you may list on your page as John Bailey 1 and John Bailey 2),
and of course my $22 check, presumably all dated December 26, 1997. If you
haven't seen my list yet, then you'll recognize one of them by its
placement of Denver Pyle at #2. Let the Dean Martin Rule take effect, of
course, and let Ed McMahon step out of the Alternate universe and into the
10 slot.
Couldn't Uncle Jesse have waited one more week to cross the County Line?
Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!!!!
Respectfully,
-John Bailey
When are you clowns going to post the lists for 98?...i want to know who im
competing against for Christ's sake....Get off your asses and post em..
-Erik J Lander
You guys are all fucking right
-Erik J Lander
Of all the fool games I've played this is the fooliest...and then I
accidentally....or is there another reason...mail off my list without
finishing it...Well...We will find out won't we....won't we...(look at all
the w's)
So I am going to have to win this thing with only 6 of my list...I didn't
say Ted Kennedy or Kathy Lee's husband...Frank what's his name....Think I'd
have won this years with the list.
The name is trikerbabe....on Prodigy...sure
-BOOKSTORELADY
Man... this sucks!
I so had Coleman Young on my 98 list, and the bugger had the temerity to
die at the beginning of December 97! Now I'm stuck with Pauly Shore, my
joke alternate, at #10.. I mean, he DOES deserve to die, but Coleman was
so much more likely to.. as he proved, gun jumping bastard.
Well, there is still hope.
Thanks again for taking the time to run this thing. I love it.
-Stephanie Bairey
Dear Zachariah,
Can I put the people in Philadelphia on my new wish list or would that be
considered inside information?
Best Regards,
-LC
Try and run with my entire life savings of eleven dollars. Will take
after you like a dog after a meat wagon. I got all three Kennedys and I
can get you (Just got back from Colorado).
Had to mail my entry from Key West on the last day as I was celebrating
New Year's there. After I dropped my entry in the mail box, my Key West
friends told me that I should have selected Mel Fisher (the guy who
found $600 million worth of gold off the Keys) as he is their next door
neighbor and is dying of something or other. Oh, well.
-Jeff
Just read the letters page. Laughed my sorry ass off. Thank you for
all your work. I look forward to getting beaten like a red-headed
stepchild in this year's contest.
Damnit,
-AJC
Help!
I am an idiot. In my haste to mail my entry form, I grab a new set of
checks. The first check in that packet was to promote carbonless copy
checks. It was a promotional, fake copy (I usually receive all my checks
back from the bank). In other words, that check is useless.
I am sending out another check today. If you attempted to negotiate the
check and you are billed a fee, let me know and I will pay the bank
service charge.
I am truly sorry for any inconvenience. (I am also somewhat sad as Strom
Thurmond left the hospital today).
-Jeffrey Begens
Are you the one who started this? What kind of sick and twisted person
takes pleasure in death and people dying?
People like us, that's who!!
I really enjoy reading this stuff and all of your comments about the
stiffs really make me laugh. I'd join and play along but I'm not really
sure I want to. I guess to me it's more fun to watch, even though I can
tell right off who's gonna kick the bucket.
Your loyal fan,
-Moochamoocha
P.S.- What's with all the Kurt Cobain jokes? The guy's been dead and
gone for almost four years. Get over it!!!!!
zach!! the fucking cyber patrol has taken over the library computer!!
!!!!! I can't get ANY info!! what should i do!!?? they've blocked access
to stiffs.com! the librarian thinks it's cause of language -- what the
fuck is wrong with the language!!?? HELLLP MEEEE!!!!
i need some info! i don't go back to school til next tuesday
and i don't want to miss anything - like the results of '97 and the ilk.
i'm going nuts! can you help?!!
love
-lisa
LOVE THIS GAME !!! MY AUNT AND I ARE WONDERING IF WE CAN
PURCHASE ANY STIFF.COM T-SHIRTS OR OTHER PRODUCTS ??
-DOA
I didn't enter last year, but unofficially had 5 dead and 31 points. Is it
too late to enter this year, its only the 5th? When is the deadline?
Thanks,
-Mark Jesse
Janet
So did you hear about Sonny Bono's attempt to get back into the music
business?
He joined the Dead Kennedys.
-jlarue
I graciously accept the dubious mantle of Pinhead Of The Lee Atwater. I
was hedging between Marion Barry and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, and decided
on Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Guess I entered it wrong.
Please feel free to bestow the Pinhead title to me in whatever official
capacity you see fit.
Thanks.
-Bob
Please tell me that my secretary got the entry in the mail.
My name is Marshall Dunn.
I entered under the name of Team Peen.
If she didn't get it in the mail, I will put her down as the first death of
'99, wait a year and get off to an early lead...
Love that Lee
-Xanthu
K.C.Cauldibaugh! K.C. Cauldibaugh Pilot,Industry leader,PRICK!! 400 people
would have a party! any S.D. warren ppl here ? soon you will agree!! (hope
you don`t live on a budget!)
-HOFFA96
I used to enjoy the irreverent witticisms on your Latest Deaths page. I had
expected for Congressman Sonny Bono something on the order of "And the beat
goes off...." or "They got you, babe!" Calling him a moron even before the
autopsy was completed was completely uncalled for. I'm glad you changed the
entry for him, but that doesn't undo the disgust, contempt and loathing
I've suddenly developed for you and your website.
-Lyle F. Padilla
I find it completely and utterly despicable that you have chosen to
waste your time and all too valuable web space on erecting such a site.
Why? Couldn't your energies be better directed to serving your Lord and
Savior Jesus Christ?
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Olympus/5168/
Remember, it's your souls on the line.
-hgmissions
>Get a job, butthead.
>
>Zachariah Love, Commissioner
>Drew Scharlatt, Two-Time Champion
>and Greg Hicks, Mascot
>The Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool
>http://stiffs.com
Butthead. If there is anything that myself and my friend in Christ
Harris P. Mulholland have discovered in our current Conversion of the
Web is that the majority of individuals who own and operate such mundane
sites as your own seem all too willing to lash out with the tongue
rather than examining their souls. Stop for a moment, young man, and
look into your heart. Examine what you are doing and reflect what impact
your actions have on others, specifically on those left behind in the
wake of mortality descending. What would your mother think?
I know what Jesus would say. He would scold you like the child you are,
but then would find forgivenessm for it is only through his sanctified
blessings that your soul would be saved. You must simply ask yourself
whether you are prepared to take our Good Buddy's annointed droppings
and redeem your life before the fires of Hades consume your existence.
All those listed on your site, with snide remarks and a desecration of
their mortal deeds for all to laugh at (is that your point, lad?), look
down at you from behind the Gates of Heaven, and can't wait to watch the
Flames of Hell engulf your soul.
Then again, it is never too late.
Sincerely,
-Roger Peltzmann
Holy Ghost Missions
To the crew at stiffs.com:
I would like to thank you for inviting me to your upcoming party. However,
as I have not yet won this year's event, it would be premature and a bit
expensive for me to attend. Rest assured that next year I will be there in
person to accept my championship trophy.
I would also like to congratulate Andre Dupuy, the early leader in the
competition. Whether his selection of Mae Questal was based on inside
information or merely an inspired guess, in either event it shows the type
of morbid prescience that this contest attracts.
Dupuy's selection also atones somewhat for my and my competitors' miserable
showing in our complete failure to recognize the possibility of Sonny
Bono's shuffle off this mortal coil. I must confess that all last week I
scoured the newspaper, looking for that elusive first obituary notice, that
first celebrity to drop, so that the game could begin in earnest. The other
morning, when my wife told me that Sonny had successfully auditioned for
George of the Jungle II, I was really pumped, wanting to see which of my
fellow contestants would grab the lead. I was sure that, with the first
demise of a household name----not some reclusive tennis player or long
forgotten silent film star--- but Mr. I Got You Babe himself, the race
would be on.
That night, I scoured the entries, looking increasingly in vain for Sonny's
name. I could not believe it. Not one of us, the best group of celebrity
death prognosticators in the world, had picked Congressman Bono. That's
right zip, nada, nary a one. I was astounded, especially considering that
the death was predictable for those who had done their research (Michael
Kennedy wipes out on skis.... did anyone think that the man from Palm
Springs would let a Kennedy steal his spotlight for long).
Look at the entries. Dolph Lundgren, Jean Claude Van Damme and Pauly Shore
all got votes. Let's face it, Sonny Bono was as intelligent, funny and
skilled an actor and politician as those guys. But NONE of us selected him.
Instead of the rush that Andre Dupuy must have felt the other day, we had
over 400 of us collectively doing a Homer Simpson (d'ohh).
Fortunately, that is water under the bridge by now. Andre Dupuy has
redeemed the honor and prestige of the contest. We can all show our faces
in public again. Andre, I salute you, for the time being, and only for the
time being, my superior.
And as for the cast and crew of the Lee Atwater.... my heartiest
congratulations. This year's contest is shaping up to be a monster and you
deserve all the credit. Winning in this esteemed field will be my crowning
accomplishment in life, and I will owe it all to you. Until we meet in
person next year, I remain,
Your humble servant and ardent admirer,
-Steven R. Silver
Who the fuck is Mae Questel?
-Erik J Lander
Dearest Zach,
Imagine how warm and fuzzy I felt upon visiting my mailbox and finding your
most gracious invitation nestled snuggly between a cut-off notice from the
gas company and a letter from the friendly local collection agency. The
tingling warmth which suffused my body quickly began to ebb when I noticed
the date and location of this elite gathering.
It is with a heavy heart and flagging spirits that I report that neither
myself, nor my Sick Sister, Jenna, will be able to attend your function and
covet what is certain to be the finest plastic forks in the land. We must
instead avail ourselves to a previous engagement - hosting a Morals and
Values Seminar with a follow-up Sensitivity Clinic. I'm certain that both
our current participation and our previous correspondence with you
illustrates quite well our qualifications to speak at such seminars.
On a brighter note, we would like to offer our services as hostesses for the
1999 EAST COAST Dead Pool Fiesta. Although our forks may not be as prized
as your prestigious LA forks, and east coast gathering would permit many
more Poolsters the opportunity to join together in the comraderie, kinship
and general depravity that is the Lee Atwater Invitational.
In the meantime, may we ask of you a small favor? Since we will be with you
in spirit on that glorious evening of January 18, at an appropriate moment
will you lift your utensils high and join in this toast:
"To the Sick Sisters - Jenna & Sharon. You couldnt be with us tonight and
for that we say Fork You!"
A SASE (self addressed stamped envelope to the acronym impaired) shall follow
in the mail. Please send us our designated forks so that we may claim some
measure of participation...however insignificant and pathetic it may be.
Most Humbly,
-Sharon & Jenna
The Sick Sisters
Baltimore, MD
P.S.- How's KC feeling these days?
I think your page sucks
-janetos
Dear Zachariah-
I find it so amusing that people choose to lash out at what is, in general,
harmless fun. Are we killing anyone? Are we hurting anyone by participating
in this game? Is Mr. Peltzmann concocting rambling diatribes against the
doctors, hospitals, funeral homes or casket-makers who stand to profit from
the illness and death of others? That is simply all the Lee Atwater Dead
Pool is doing. Hey, half of the folks on people's list are probably just
thrilled (hopefully thrilled to death) that SOMEONE , anyone, out there
remembers their names.
Finally, after reading this statement:
>All those listed on your site, with snide remarks and a desecration of
>their mortal deeds for all to laugh at (is that your point, lad?), look
>down at you from behind the Gates of Heaven, and can't wait to watch the
>Flames of Hell engulf your soul.
>Sincerely,
-Roger Peltzmann
Holy Ghost Missions
I find myself wondering how closely Mr. Peltzman read the list of the 1997
deceased. Does he honestly think that
Anton Szandor LaVey, the former lion trainer who became the "Black Pope'' of
the Church of Satan, is blissfully smiling down at us from the Gates of
Heaven? God is a forgiving god I know, but even He must draw the line somewhere.
Get a life Mr. Peltzmann, we are all adults here and each of us will answer
for our actions. You stay out of my afterlife, I'll stay out of yours.
Keep up the good work Zack. There's at least 446 people out here who love you!
Sincerely,
-Jenna
Sick Sister #1
P.S. Does it offend you that so many idiots address their messages to you as
"Dear Lee"?
It's people like you that give death a bad name.
-Janula
I'm in love with stiff.com! Too bad I didn't hear of it sooner...I could
have gotten the pool by now! (By the way, I didn't know Kurt Cobain died!)
-rebecca
Hello Friends,
I see by my post that I missed the boat big time on Guilford.
Please disregard previous message about doing research.
In my defense, Britannica online had Guilford alive in '95, and two
other online library catalogs had no death date for him as an author.
It seems I have outsmarted myself by focusing too much on age and not
enough on pancreatic cancer. I stand humbled by this rookie mistake, and
now fear that Henri-Francois-Emile Termier may also be pushing up lŽ
daisiŽs somewhere in the south of France.
-T. Switala
Hey, greetings from 2 new Atwater players from Northern Virginia. We
just assumed that we were sending our Ernie Banks $$$$ off to a small
time, just for kicks pool. Then, on Sunday 1/11, we both awoke
(separately!! I'll point out) with a 2 page article in the Washington
Post on you and stiffs.com (and other dead-type pools), complete with
picture of you holding cool skull in front of tombstone. Now my wife
KNOWS (she only previously assumed) that I have hooked up with a major
bunch of nuts. Chip and I have been running a Deathwatch pool for 3
years in our office, to very limited response. Obviously, we don't see
anything wrong with the concept, but some folks do. Then, one day, Chip
was doing some WEB-Browsing and discovered the promised land of sickos!!
I see that you guys are up to near 600 entries!! It's going to be
tough, but when we finish 1-2, we plan on using the winnings to fly to
LA (with a brief but profitable stop in Vegas) to pick up our winnings
in person(s).
I read in the article that you believe most people play because of
obsessions with celebrity and death. Chip and I basically play because
we have never met a pool we didn't like. We both play in roto sports
leagues (Football, Baseball.. and I actually played for 2 years in a
golf roto league...that's obsession buddy!!) and never hesitate to throw
our 20$ in whatever pool is floating around the office. We gathered
from the frequent references in the SickTicker to semi-obscure sports
people that you are big in sports as well.
Anyway, just wanted to congratulate you on the article. I'm just glad
it came out after the new year, so it didn't add hundreds more to your
roster. I want to have some chance of doing well. Thanks for providing
this valuable service!!
-Greg Godowsky
P.S. Who's the guy who had Mae Questal??? He's being hailed as a
genius!! (although the rest of his pool looks pretty obscure!!)
Jim states that was a interesting article;
But did you have to use those off color words to express
your self? call me a squear.
-jamesstandridge
hello , how are you? hahahaha! I hope very badly
-franceschini
Hi!
Your page is really good. My name is Reinhard. I am from Germany, and i
want to play on your site. What must i do? I have no creditcard.
Greeting from germany
-Reinhard
Hi Zachlove hier ist unser Tip des Jahres!
1: Pope John Paul II
2: Yasser Arafat
3: Saddam Hussein
4: Anthony Quinn
5: Michael Irvin
6: Jerry Lewis
7: Mary Kay
8: Perry Como
9: Oral Roberts
10: Zsa Zsa Gabor
-Hupe78
Anthony Quinn
-Buettner.Heiko
Helmut Kohl
-Markus.Guerteler
hi my english is bad. dou you speak germany ??????
cu
-frank
Das sind wohl die krankesten Seiten die ich jeh gesehen habe. Ein Grund
mehr das web staatlich zu kontrolieren!
Sie gehören eingesperrt.
mfg
-wcdl
Zachlove,
How can I write in in this game ??
Where do I get some more information please ??
I love to bet and this, seems to me, kind of bet is just what I was looking for !!!!
Greetings,
-Dr.Who aka Dennis Fordel
ty debile ses hovado?
-jdv.wosyka
simply disgusting, no less, no more!
Oder auf deutsch: Einfach zum Kotzen diese Seite!!!
-Martstei
I DON'T WANT TO SOUND LIKE AN ASSHOLE BUT YOU'RE SITE IS
PRETTY BORING. IT WAS A COOL IDEA BUT WHO THE HELL ARE
THESE PEOPLE? MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO OUT AND KILL SOMEONE
REALLY FAMOUS AND PEOPLE WILL BE INTERESTED MORE. THE
SPICE GIRLS MAYBE, OR GO KILL TUPAC FOR REALS THIS TIME.
THATS JUST MY OPINION.
THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
-FDGOKU
Muze to byt docela dobra sranda, ale ne pro mne.
-bohuslav.piotrovski
Hi
Iwant to win money. How can I do That?
Please answer soon.
Thanks a lot
-Larry
>The blues harp great has succumbed to lymphoma at 63.
DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!
-wolfenhnd
Venom? Venom? you want Venom? How's this? Of all the sick, low down,
dirty, filthy, scum suckin, depraved, base, inhuman, unkind, cruel,
twisted, screwed up, mean spirited, low minded, dark websites, that
profits from the misery of others, that I've seen this one is the best.
Take care.
-Pat
An Australian, a congressman and a folksinging muppet walk into a bar...
Rock star deaths just ain't what they used to be. Consider poor Michael
Hutchence. His idol, Jim Morrison will always be linked with Jimi Hendrix and
Janis Joplin in a glamorously overdosed rock and roll triumverate. Michael,
on the other hand will be spending eternity trying to duck Sonny Bono and John
Denver.
-Twofishina
bill gates will be next!
this man has too much power , just like j.f. kennedy
he will be killed from officials like the c. i. a
bye
-udobrau
Hey Guys,
What a Wild web site. You guys are absolutely nuts! And I love It!
Thanks for the business,
-Roger Fiets
Hollywood Trophy Co.
Dear Mrs. Hewey:
I have noticed several of your eloquent epistles regarding our humble
contest on the stiffs.com webpage. Might I begin by saying that you
have a wonderful economy with words. Might I also presume to point out
that the "Caps Lock" key is on the left hand side of your keyboard,
right above the "Shift" key.
Now as to our little enterprise, let me first say that I hope the irony
of telling all of us to "get a life" is not lost on you. Also, I think
I speak for the entire group when I say we are glad you have occasion to
visit our little corner of cyberspace. It must be a nice respite from
the alt.sex.bondage newsgroup. However, I am saddened to hear that you
find this harmless diversion offensive, and felt a little explanation
would be useful.
Donne wrote: "Death, be not proud, though some have called thee mighty
and dreadful". Perhaps you are familiar with Donne? He was an English,
Catholic poet who died in 1631. I am assuming that even a
mouth-breathing troglodyte such as yourself is familiar with Donne.
Perhaps I am giving you too much credit. But I digress. The larger
point is that death is, in fact, wonderful. Especially when someone
making that final sojourn to the other side of the lawn is on your list
of "individuals soon to be at room-temperature". And just so you don't
think we are all merely callous, shallow people looking to find joy in
another's misery, I would make mention of the fact that a significant
amount of money is wagered in this endeavor as well. And in our
defense, let me say that many people involved in the Lee Atwater have
the depth of character normally associated with wading pools. Really.
Mrs. Hewey, we live in a cynical time. Faith in our government is at an
all-time low. The number of people attending religious services
regularly has plummeted to the lowest level in this century. Moral
relativism has infected our society. The manifest talents of David
Hasselhoff are overlooked on a continual basis. The Lee Atwater is
merely a reaction to the times in which we live. And with the exception
of a certain Nazorean carpenter, few things are more objective and
empirical than death. Therefore, don't view us as morbid opportunists,
but rather as a voice of reason crying out in the wilderness of these
uncertain and confusing times.
I hope you now have a better understanding of this wonderful and morally
instructional game. I further hope this letter finds you well.
However, if for some reason it does not, would you be so kind as to drop
me a line letting me know? As the saying goes, luck is where
preparation and opportunity meet.
Sincerely,
-Greg Terzakis
1st Annual Mrs. Hewey Award Winner
Gentlemen,
Greetings, you bastards! What a load of panda shit! I should take this crap
all the way to the Supreme Court - but most of those bench warmers look like
worm fodder and hence will be showing up on my Lee Jr. lists, so screw that
idea. Anyhoo, what a gross miscarriage of justice. I believe your decision
directly contradicts the Mack Robinson Revision, which states, and I quote,
"...we abandoned our somewhat anarchic system for determining celebrityness
(sic), and, at the behest of our lawyers, we now leave the whole thing up to
the gang at the Associated Press. If the AP tells you about it, it counts."
This seems crystal clear! Now, if the Mack Robinson Revision had stated,
instead, that "...if the AP tells you about it, it counts, unless of course
the stiff is not a human being, or eats eucalyptus and lives in a fucking
tree, then it doesn't count, assholes!!" See, now that seems clear to me that
pandas are out.
I formally protest this decision and demand a review of your antiquated
rules. At the very least, I should be able to submit a replacement name for
the one that was unceremoniously stripped from my list due to the brazen and
childlike whining of the jealous minority who not only wished they had
thought of the beloved Hsing-Hsing, but are sitting around with their thumbs
up their respective asses waiting for someone like Bob Hope to kick it. So up
yours!
One more thing, losers - Hsing-Hsing is the only living (for now) panda in
North America. Hence, that makes her a friggin' celebrity. Get it?! Celebrity
status should not depend on opposable thumbs or tails or the cranial capacity
to put a square peg in its corresponding hole. While the "Homo Sapiens
Standard" notes that "too many of the little four-legged buggers have short
life-spans", please keep in mind that Hsing-Hsing is probably older than some
of the myopic cretins that complained about her being on my list. So up
yours!
By the way, and of course I hate to complain, but I submitted, in writing you
bastards, whether I could submit Hsing-Hsing's name back in October. Mr. Love
informed me that this was not a problem! (see text below). What the hell is
going on?? You ladies flip-flop more than my gymnastically-inclined
girlfriend - and you're both screwing me!!
Have a great day.
Love n' kisses,
-Dr. Lector
Hey,
We enjoyed the party and the awards ceremony. The indian chick was
especially funny. Seeing the winners in person just stokes up my
competitive streak. I too want one of those cool trophys. A check of
$1500 wouldn't be so painful either.It was nice to put a face on all the
sick humor I love so much.You guys all look so normal.....
Later,
-Mary-Austin Klein
Yo "get Christy" Love....
No sooner had the blood dried on our first confirmed kill, when sadly
enough, another chart-topping selection (with a bullet no less) finds
his way to "off" himself from our honor roll. Not since the day when
the music died after Rudy, the Bopper, and Buddy unexpectedly flew into
and out of history has the music industry been hit so hard in such a
short period of time.
Now, while this would appear an opportune time to boast of our
death-mongering powress, it is not. Rather, it is a time of
questioning.
Questioning the real identity of "Frank Sennett."
Now, Gardner & I are respectable, well, okay...kinda respectaable
pillars within our community... well, shit then, we're two dudes
spending way-too-much time in County General combing the darkened
reaches of the nearly-obit columns. And while we have no reason to fear
defeat with a more-than-respectable and solid second and third place
showing so far, we of Snag'em, Tag'em & Bag'em are a bit concerned with
the seemingly all-too-methodical deaths on Sennett's lists.
It began innocently enough. Junior's time was near and it was time to
trade in the old juice harp for a newer, angelic model. But when Carl
decided it was time to leave this giant stage known as earth...we began
to wonder....? Who is this Sennett? How could he possibly select, in
ORDER mind you, these deaths? Does he wear Blue Suede Shoes? Is HE the
new identity of Sammy the Bull? The cigarette-smoking man? Perhaps the
angel of darkness? OR is he Satan himself?
Did J.R. & Carl die of semi-natural causes or was "Frank" just
"in-the-neighborhood-and-thought-I'd-stop-by-to-see-how-you/they-were-doing"?
Can you say "Kavorkian"?
I mean this "Frank Sennett" is more prolific than even Gotti in his
prime. No, make that OJ in his crime.
You see...the questions are abundent...the coincedences surreal...or
might we say, "all too real."
So as the braintrust of SB&T sits and ponders these and other
Mensa-esque quandries over a warm snifter of fermentation we can only
wait. Wait and see if "Sennett" will provide us these answers. Wait
and see if Yeltsin suddenly is found dead after an afternoon of Moshing
with the redski Gen Xers. Wait and see if "he" will provide us clues to
his real identity.
We, and the FBI, are closely watching his every move. Is this merely
coincidence....we think not.
So, kind sir, please understand that while you may fear the reaper, the
darkness, alien abductions, government conspiracies, Big Brother or even
another Tonya Harding honeymoon video...there is a darker, more sinister
entity on this earth...you see, you have nothing to fear, but "Frank
masses to bet on who your next victims will be. See, I know about these
things! I watch the X-Files! I know about your secret compaign against
humanity! I know how you are trying to destroy the show, that has been
revealing you scum for the aliens you really are!
A source inside the top ranks of the media monopoly has revealed to me,
that you aliens have now infiltrated and are controlling the media,
while forcing shows which are embarrasing to you, such as the X-Files,
to leave beautiful Victoria, B.C. Canada, and to film on the grungy
streets of Los Angeles, where your friends will quietly pick them off,
while you bet on their demis. You are very very twisted, even for
aliens.
This is not the last you have heard of me, oh no. From the
XX XX FFFFFFFFF IIIIIIII LL EEEEEEEE RRRRRRR
XX XX FF II LL EE RR RR
XX XX FF II LL EE RR RR
XXX IIIIII FFFFFF II LL EEEEEE RRRRRRR
XX XX FF II LL EE RR RR
XX XX FF II LL EE RR RR
XX XX FF IIIIIIII LLLLLLLL EEEEEEEE RR RR
named Avenger
Dear Commish,
Jesus Loves Me this I know, for a bumper sticker told me so.
I'll saved the 5 bucks and await the future of the lucky ten I entered in the
Invitational.
I anxiously await your call at the end of 1998.
Too bad I didn't pick the actors in Hawaii 5-0 instead of the name, they seem
to be hanging 2 or 3 towards 10.
Yours,
-Bag M. Dano
Since you freaks know of my constantly growing love for you alien
freaks, I thought that you might want to know that I can now communicate
with you in real time, at my website at:
http://www.angelfire.com/oh/avengershouse
I am thinking that maybe you should check it out. It is only 3 days old
so cut me some slack when you see it, acid breath.
Your favorite hate mail sender,
-AvENgEr
Linda M. obit
I think you missed the obvious obit for her-
Now Paul doesn't have to make us suffer her singing anymore...
-jehovah_lord
Dear X-Filer
Learn how to use a fucking comma.
Yours truly,
-Greg Terzakis
I haven't come across a funnier site!
You actually had me doing the "lol" thingie....and I NEVER do that.
"Ben Raleigh This Grammy-winning songwriter burned to death in a kitchen
fire, and was later cremated. Hopefully,they didn't charge full price."
haha...er....lol lol lol lol ( I hate to lol)
-NullieMoon
James Earl Ray, baby!!!!
I got one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-EB0134
Dear Zach,
The current People magazine says Mr. T has had a rare form of lymphoma
since 1995. Why haven't we heard about this before? Not that i'm having
any bad thoughts about him, but Lord knows this could change everything
for me. Also, when I got my first dead person, I was SO EXCITED, that I
printed it up and brought it to work. You could almost see all of the
old ladies wondering if I had put their names on my list. They thought
I was more of a freak than ever!
That's exactly what I was going for. Thanks a lot.
-Molly Collins
I am outraged at the sight of this site! I am outraged that someone
would take the time to hatch an Internet "Ghoul Pool," and what's more,
even pander merchandise to support your avaricious designs!
I am outraged that I didn't think of it first!
-David Wilson
Zack-
Wake up! You have a busy day ahead!! Will That Bitch make a clean
sweep and get all 10 before the year is half up?
-Scott Robins
Zach--
Get the machine pumping! Ol' blue Eyes is out! This has been a
good couple of days, except for that Zamboni thing.
-Jason Arvey
How about:
Frank Sinatra--When I was 82, it wasn't such a good year.
-Ryan Cvancara
How about Frank's parting words? "One last sponge bath, doll face."
-Tim Sparks
I am so disapointed at that lame sendoff you gave to Frank. I was expecting
something wonderful, grand, and completely disgusting. And when I gleefully
checked this morning...what a letdown.
FOR SHAME!!!!
I have my own dead pool (7 people) and not one of them picked ole' Frankie. So
of course I didn't get to use the
epitaph I'd been mulling over for a while. I was thinking of something along
the lines of....
(Sung to "Witchcraft")
Those maggots in my hair
Walnut lid cuts off my air
It's pitch black
But...*sniffle* I didn't get to use it. And now THIS? Good thing it's Friday,
or I'd be really depressed.
-ade
Hey not to poke my nose in your professional business, a most humble
offering from a amateur:
FRANK SINATRA
Start spreading the news, He's dead today
He won't be a part of it - New York, New York
His vagabond shoes, were longing to stray
Didn't have the heart for it - New York, New York
-J.S. Thomas
Ohhh, puh-lease!
You weren't ready???? Where the hell have you been? You didn't actually
believe that good health crap that his loved ones have been dishing out, did
you?
Come on, admit it: you didn't do your homework and you got caught short on the
"pop quiz".
I am surprised Fucko hasn't resigned out of sheer disgust!
"...vicious, bloodthirsty sons-of-bitches..." you call us??? Well...welcome to
the lab, Dr. Frankenstein. You reap what you sow (sew?). We're your pathetic
monster, so LIVE with it.
Now stop that incessant whining, wipe those snotty noses (on your sleeves, no
doubt!)...buck up...suck it in, soldiers...now get in there and fight dammit!
I expect a proper obit for "ol' stiff as a board" no later than 0800 hours
tomorrow.
DISMISSED!!!
-General Buytme
How lucky I was to have two Stiffs on one day. Majorie Stoneman Douglas
and Frankie Baby....I was at a convention in Orange County and had just
shown the other exhibitors CNN.com for news and they had just posted the
MSD's death. They did not understand my excitement about her death so I
outed myself as a STIFFS.COM participant. One woman at the show made the
comment that Frank was sure to drop soon. Needless to say that when I
got to the show the next morning, all of the vendors were hanging around
my booth wanting to see the Dead Pool Page now the the great one had
crooned his last croon.
-Patrick Rylee
You're agonizing over the Sinatra memorial phrase. It's so simple:
"Doobey-doobey-dead"
-ERICK NEIL
Hi everyone,
what do I have to do to join from Germany???
-Big mean Wolf machine
Just a thought on Frank..
"Someday, when I'm awfully cold. And I'm growing mold..."
-carla Rabinowitz
I see this on several of your Top 40 lists. I thought Senor Wences
was the little hand puppet you make by painting lips on the skin
between your thumb and index finger. Is there a real person named
Senor Wences? Or is he being added in the spirit of Barney and the
Smurfs?
-JJLETSGO
how about "Ole Blue Lips"?
-RTMiles
This page offends my people. Not me, my people. We work hard every day,
and what comes up when we're takin' a schvitz? Your web page. But, if
you've noticed, and the odds are you have, the jewish schmucks aren't
picked as much as the frickin Christians! Vat, we're not good enough for
you know? Pick Jews, for God's sake!
-Nuck fut7
Zach--
It takes forever to move names from the left to right, but that i
could deal with. For some reason it won't move them up and down at all,
and I certainly do not want Evel Knievel as my alternate (as would have
been the case were I to have just sent it in). I will send another copy
of my list with a check forthwith.
-Jason Arvey
Help! I submitted my first June entry (under the code name Yoricka) this
afternoon, but now I can't no how no way clear the form to submit Yoricka2.
Any suggestions or instructions would be welcome. Thanks...five more bucks
waiting to be charged on the ole VISA.
-NKeneally
"BACK-PAGE" TICKER-TAPE SCROLL REGARDING PHILOSOPHIES
SHOULD ADDRESS THE READER AS "HOLMES", AS IN SHERLOCK,
NOT HOMES, WHITEBREAD. GLAD TO SEE YOU'RE AT LEAST
KEEPING UP WITH GOV'T. REQUIRMENTS TO HIRE THE
HANDICAPPED. KEEP UP THE WORK.
P.S., ANY NEW ODDS ON SUHARTO?
-John Cicala
Dear Stiffs.Com:
At first I was pretty disappointed.
No throbbong woodies or bodacious boners. Just goofy text and
lists of wrinkled old farts. I figured a "stiffs" search would
turn up something a lot hotter than this. But then I remembered
all the other weird fetish sites that left me flacid at first.
Monkeyspeeingonbaldmen.com sure took a while to get into. Same
for Bondage.enema.republicans. I decided to give stiffs.com a
shake. Randomly, I clicked on 'this years's deaths' and started
reading. Before the end I had switched the mouse to my left hand.
Halfway through 'super-fun facts and far-out figures' I unconcious-
ly spit into my hand. When I got to the Fucko picture, I could hold
back no more. Wow! Stiff? You bet!
Well guys, I'm a believer now. When's the stroke mag due out?
-Twofishina
So, thanks for the computer age snipe hunt. It's a good thing my
medication is administered properly, or I might just computer hack
my way to your itsy bitsy peters and Lorena Bobbitt them!
-LuddyA
Dear Captain Necrophilia (Love at the Dead Pool)
I too have problems with the low-lifes of the internet surfing with
less than desirable browsers. This problem was eradicated with the
ability to send out copies of Netscape 4.04 to these people. You can
customize it so that the stars flying behind the big N are changed to
your graphics. This could be a spinning casket or tombstone or whatever.
I don't know if you can sell this custom package, but you might be able
to charge a S&H fee.
Just a thought.
-Patrick
I FOUND YOUR PAGE BY ACCEDENT. HOWEVER I THINK IT IS ONE OF THE
BEST PUT 2GETHER AND FUCTIONING PAGES I HAVE SEEN..MY HAT IS OFF
TO U GUYZ. THE TOPIC KICKS ASS AND BROUGHT TO US IN SUCH A
PROFESSIONAL FORMAT!!!!
I ENJOY THE HELL OUTTA IT..
THANX
-SPENCER OF THE I.S.L.O.
P.S. I WILL TRY TO GIT IN NEXT YEAR!!! I JIST MISSED THE JR.
I hear Evil Knieval aint doin so hot and I didn't see his name on the
list.
can't get a liver transplant...
-Miss Ginger Vitis
Greetings,
The death of Barry Goldwater sucks. His demise makes it TWO
consecutive Lee Jr.'s that my number 1 pick has croaked in the short
days before the first of the month. Last month, James Earl Ray died
4 days before the May-October deadline, and now this. Is there any
justice? Is this a record of some sort? I figure the Z-5000 must have
a stat on this somewhere.
Just wondering...
-Matt
aka. Tsuga
Just had a thought regarding the Sinatra obit:
"I think I'll roll myself up/in a big ball/a-nd/ DIE"
Also, I think the link (at "stiffs.com") to send e-mails to you is
down.
Keep up the disturbed but excellent work!
-A.J. Leary
ok, so some of my poor graduate student friends thought it
might be cool to throw their own little dead pool together.
when it came to submitting my picks, i didnt really have a
clue about who was going to be pushing daisies next.
so OBVIOUSLY, i decided to surf the web.
thats when i found the stiffs.com website.
but still from all those lists, how was i going to be able
to find the good picks?
well, i did it the old fashioned way. . . i studied the
master. . . julie (that bitch). from the 4 lists she
submitted i picked my favorites.
i now stand at the top of our trendy little dead pool,
because julie (that bitch) is a genius (or maybe in with
that kevorkian guy . . .).
our dorky little web page isnt nearly as cool as yours,
(we're at http://www.sit.wisc.edu/~djholsin/ ) but i was
wondering is their anyway you could forward julie my
email address so i can let her know im gonna make $200
because of her ill-skills. i would actually like to thank her,
i mean her picks are the surest bet ive seen in a long time . . .
thanks for the moment of your time
ms
ps. congrats again on one of the best websites ive ever seen. . .
its absolutely outsanding.
-Mark Sepeta
Hey what's with the Phil Hartman crack, "He was... a Canadian and we
still like him."? Bite me you pricks, we hate you too!
-Carolyn Racine
SHIT!!!!SHIT!!!SHIT!!!...FUCK!!!FUCK!!!
I JIST SENT OFF MY LEE JR FOR JUNE OF 98 AND NOT 2 HRS LATER
I SEE BARRY GOLDWATER FOLDED UP!!!!! DAMN HE WUZ LIKE 5 ON MY
LIST....THAT BASTARD!!
MY QUESTION IS "DO U START A LEE JR. EVRI MONTH ..IF SO HOW DO
WE VEIW EACH ONE ON YOUR PAGE. I ONLY SEE MAY 98...WILL THAT BE
REPLACED BY JUNE 98"..IM CONFUSED..PLEASE FILL ME IN...
AS I SAID EARLIER I JIST SENT IN MY JUNE 98 ENTRY (ALONG WITH
THE $5 MONEY ORDER).THIS IS MY Ist TYME IN....SO I HOPE ALL THE
RITE PEOPLE KEEL OVER 4 ME..
THANX AGAIN 4 THE HOLESOME ENTERTAINMENT!!!!
-SPENCER OF THE I.S.L.O.
The short and sweet version of your addition:
Worked fine. Credit card is the way to go. That was so easy I'll
probably do another one later. Can hardly even get a good 6-pack
anymore for $5. Well done!
-Jim Dwyer
Where is Martin Short on the list? Another SNL to go? Must be a trend?
Was OJ on SNL?
-Antonio Abdo
Dear Dr. Love and Co.,
I love getting mail from you guys! I think your page is amazing
and I am thrilled to be in the top 20 with the passing of the Boss-
Robert W. Morgan. Julie the Bitch look out- 'cause here I come. Now
if only Kate Hepburn would do the right thing.
Thanks- Jon Tater
PS- The Sinatra end quotes were classic. You let no one down!!
Hi mother fucka,
I didnt underestand any of your words,because my English is very bad,
cant you write it in Czech,buddy,or who you are?Or write it in more
difficult way...
C ya
-Jiri.Sojka
Zach--
DAMMIT! So here I am, sending in Shirley Povich's name since the
beginning of the year in a couple of mini-Lee Atwaters....then I screw
up and miss the end of May mailing date for the June mini-Lee, and now I
find out he's up there, still writing sports columns about the Angels
and Saints, but in a different league, if ya know what I mean.
I haven't been so pissed off ince I found out that that sonuvabitch Pol
Pot went off to his killing field in the sky without me getting the
chance to wring a couple of points off his cold cadaver in a mini-Lee.
At least then his miserable life would've served SOME purpose, the
bastard.
So, let my wretched lot be a lesson to all the fun corpse-counters out
there that if you don't get up off yer arse and send in your entry
PDQ.....you're out of the running.
Dang. OK, see you at the next eligibility. But of course, all the people
on this great list I drew up are gonna be dead by then.....
Cheers!
-Andy in Vienna
Hello, I would like having informations about Anna Funiccelli and Joseph
Alioto.
I think you for the answer.
You must excuse me for my english because I'm french.
Bye,
-Vince
Bob Stump Dead!!!
THIS JUST IN...angry participants of ghoul pool beat Bob to a stump.
-Tim Switala
Hey man:
Love the site. It's something that my twisted sense of humor
can appreciate. You go after the bastards, and I truly appreciate that.
Here's my question: Can I get into the death pool with a
"Pro-Wrestler Wildcard"? We've had 3 active american pro-wrestlers die
in the last 8 months, starting with Brian Pillman, then Louie Spicolli,
then Junkyard Dog. It's hard to call any pro-wrestler, but they've got
more drugs than the early seasons of Saturday Night Live and get more
physical than a helmetless football game.
-Zen
you guys are a bunch of syupid ass holes one of these days all those
celebs. whose names are on those lists will come after you and either
youll be sued or shot. Do you want to know who I wish was dead?
Stupid morbid close minded people like you.
-trussell
Bill Clinton
-Wayne Craig
Dear Zacharian Love
I visited your website but I did not take part in your game .
I only give my email . Pleae send me INFORMATION ABOUT HOW I AM GOING TO
PLAY YOUR GAME or please just 'Remove Me'.
Best Regards
-TOLGA BALLIK
I am SOOO embarassed -- well, maybe even MORTIFIED - that I put Fred Astaire
on my list!! God knows, he wouldn't be dancing with Hoovers if he were alive
and had anything to say about it!! Shit.
-BonHuse
Hey Dead Dudes---
Don't count me out yet. I have mailed copies of the Sonny Bloch obituary to
the Associated Press headquarters and the New York Times, hoping to get this
fucking thing some exposure. So watch the wire closely in the coming days and
weeks.
I can't believe I'm getting dicked on this thing. I'm not blaming you guys, a
rule's a rule. I'm blaming the rest of the media for failing to report this.
I mean, every paper in the world reported when they sent this guy home from
prison to die, so why not report the actual death. For the sake of us dead
pool players, there should be a law against news organizations releasing this
kind of research information if they're not gonna follow through on it. (By
the way, you think maybe Dudley Moore's ex-wife is playing the dead pool under
an assumed name and released false info about him to make everyone else waste
a pick next year? Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.)
Question--if I do something newsworthy while screaming over and over "Sonny
Bloch is dead! Sonny Bloch is dead!" and the AP reports that ".....he set
himself on fire in Times Square while screaming about the death of Sonny
Bloch", then does that count as the AP reporting his death? Even though it
would be kind of a sideways acknowledgment? C'MON, HELP ME OUT HERE!!!
You want me to catch that bitch Julie, don't you? Besides, the fucking AP
is costing me money (by my figuring, I'd be in 6th place if I can ring this
puppy up).
Anyway, keep your eyes on the wire...I'm not letting this thing die yet (no
pun intended). Also, please don't publish my e-mail address. It's not mine,
it's my boss's and I'm not really supposed to be using the office e-mail for
dead pool related stuff.
See ya
-Dave Kamsler
You think it's funny. You laugh. Well, you know who'll be laughing 10
years? ME! You know why? because you're DEVIL PEOPLE and will all go to
hell. I'll be with the Lord while you're in fire and can't reach the
delicious chowder of Heaven! LOL!
Signed,
-Reverand Tim Johnson
Yo, Dickheads,
Mr. Sinatra would not appreciate your stupid little contest.
Remove his name immediately or you may be waking up with Fucko's head under
your covers.
-Tony from Mulberry Street
Your site is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Maybe someday I'll
actually try to play but in the meantime just visiting your page every month
or so makes my day. Thanks for the entertainment!!
-Mrs. Stephanie Lind
They identified DeVore's remains from the car in the last few days...
so he can go into the ex-glossary with Pol Pot.
Would Jimmy Hoffa or Judge Crater be a good long term name?
Missing and unlikely to ever be found....
-Louis Epstein
Dear Professor Love-
Thank you for acknowledging our persistency and the mighty AP
and ringing the bell for old Sonny. I am the object of all my friends
(sick friends) envy as a proud top tenner at Stiffs.Com. It just
doesn't get any better than this.
Now if old Kate Hepburn would finally exit stage left, then I
can give that bitch Julie a run for the money. Keep those toe tags
handy-
-Jon Meyers
# 10 with a bullet
Two words: You are stupid!
-Michael Gelfand
Crypt Master:
Your site is indeed a powerful reminder of how fleeting life is and
how precious the few years allowed each of us. Your pages are the first
I access in the morning and the last before I sleep, thereby making me
so much more aware of my own mortality. Rather than fear death, I now
embrace it as a friend. What you have done here has brought me to a
greater appreciation of life and a profound understanding of death's
true meaning.
Thank you for your efforts.
-Henry Prior
Hi Guys,
GREAT site, love it! This is probably nit-picking, but your logo? The
skull with dice for eyes? Well, they've come up seven.(Lucky). Shouldn't
they be snake eyes (double 1's) instead? Like I said, nit-picking. By the
way, your site may be morbid, but it's necessary. Who else is gonna keep
track of all these dead people? With all these old time stars reaching
daisy-pushing age, you guys should be in business for a long time to come.
(I hope).
Thanx
-Logan5
This is really fuckin' it man, knarr wot I meearn geezer. I jus cheked
ya page and though I'm too pissed right now to read any of ya daft crap.
I got the feeling for it. Oooh Yer mate awright I got the vibe...
-Ostraped
Dear Zachariah,
I was thinking about what might be the least congruous thing to write you
and these lines came to mind:
"I am the Life and the Light and the Way.
The earth is my garden
Each of the souls I plant as seeds
Germinates and flowers in its season,
And in each I am fulfilled.
There is no cause for grief
When a blossom fades,
But only rejoicing for the beauty it held
And praise that my will is done
And my plan served.
I am one with all creatures
And none is ever lost
But only restored to me,
Having never left me at all,
For what is Eternal
Cannot be separated from its Source.
I am with you all,
And each of you is a channel for my Light.
Feel my Love
Enfold you now and everymore."
>From Runes of comfort for the bereaved.....
All the best,
-Rick Pinard
Zach,
Hey great site. Any chance you could set me up with that Julie chick,
she sounds a little sick and twisted, just what I'm looking for.
-BillClinton
You guys have a great, great website. I think I understand y'all and I'm
glad to find kindred spirits. I'm just shocked you do this from LA, the
capital of goober celebrity worship.
Anyway, there is a hysterical article by Anthony Lane in the new (July 27)
New Yorker about some published obituary collections. Right up your alley
I think.
-Dave Lentzner
Goleta, CA
Hello gentlemen:
I am looking for a Greg Hicks that was once in the United States
Marine Corps. I am conducting this search in order to find him. If I
reach the right person, please contact me at [deleted for privacy].
As I said, I am looking for a Greg Hicks that was in the USMC and was
once married to a girl named Cheryl Keithley. If I reach the right
person please contact me. I need to talk to you as soon as possible.
Thank you,
-Roger Farrer
Zach,
How's it going Brother Love. Well, I just happened to be in bed with
Hillary the other night (I know. . . I know, but I gotta keep up my
"image" these days, with the secret service testifying and all.) Well
anyway, we were in bed watching the toob, I was flipping through
channels when all of a sudden I came across none other than the great
Commissioner Zachariah Love, but what was to follow really got my at-
tention, that is when I saw the most beautiful creature this side of
Little Rock. My Darling Julie. Well to make a long story short, the
Prez's staff received a summons he won't be forgetting for a long time,
if you know what I mean. She got me so excited, I had sex with the wife!!!
Well anyway ol' buddy Zach, I'm wondering if you could pass the word on
to the lovely "Goddess of Death" and tell her that I got a couple positions
in mind for her up here at the White House.
Your Pal,
-BillClinton
I normally really enjoy the ragging y'all give most of these losers,
but, being a baseball fan, I feel I should make a comment on Bill
Tuttle's behalf. He really deserves some respect (a la the Phil Hartman
entry -- a notice but no ill will), due to the work he's done since he
contracted mouth cancer from chewing tobacco. He traveled around the
leagues speaking on the dangers of said substance in the hopes that no
one would end up like he did. If you've seen any recent photos of him
(Baseball Weekly carried a kind of "before and after" a few months
back), you'd realize that just looking at him drove the point home.
With most of his lower jaw and chin missing, it's unlikely he even had
to say anything. Rumor has it that some players actually took his advice
and quit (pitcher Pete Harnisch, for one, for whom diagnosed depression
over the process nearly ended his career.) Hopefully his story has
stopped a few kids from getting started on this dangerous (not to
mention nauseating) habit. I'm not really bitchin' -- just passing on
some insight. Thanks for the forum, and keep up the good work.
-cirvin
You must change her blurb to "LambChop is unavailable for
comment."
-Beth Fox
Media Relations
Vanderbilt University
The lady who used to wear a lamb on her hand is dead. I don't know
her name so I'll affectionately refer to her as Dead Lambchop Pup-
peteer. Her biggest fans are residents of Mr. Roger's Neighbor-
hood, but I still thought she qualified as "famous". You remember
her? Since Lambchop was her partner, does it count as two deaths?
Btw, is there any place where visitors can post their '98 Death
Wish/Hate Lists? This would be of great interest to my office.
Thanks!
-d_corley
I got another one, I got another one!
Guess I didn't watch TV last week (yeah right) but somehow I totally
missed Robert Young cashing in! So there I am in the Safeway checkout
line (the lady in front of me picked up shampoo instead of conditioner
and made the bagboy run to get her product, no kidding) so I was reading
tabloid headlines. Then I see it... "Your Favorite Father and TV Doctor
-- Robert Young, sometime-1998." I look around. TV Guide is running it
too! And People Magazine! Your Daily Horoscope missed the scoop
entirely, but 3 outta 4 is good enough for me! I scram home to check my
all-time favorite Dead Pool page, and sure enough, I'm tied for 187th or
something dismal like that. Yeehaw!
I have now predicted 4 successful deaths (3 on one list, 1 on the
other) my first damn time out! God bless you... y'all fucking
rock.
-Steph
I went to Titanic Jr. and Celine dion does not suck!Her songs are
awesome.Do u know who sucks u!Also,Just because you didn't like Titanic
doesn't mean you have to make fun of the movie.I thought it was
nice.Everyone in the movie and that helped sure put hell of alot of
there time making it.Just like u said u did with this crappy website.So
if you dont like me making fun of your website,then don't make fun of
other things.
BYE!!
-Arthur E. Schwandt
The new page is much better. Easy to get in and out of. Unlike most
things in life.
Sorry about the pathetic August Lee entries. It's easier to find an
honest politician than get people to part with 5 measly dollars.
-novent
Stumbled onto your site and found some real chuckles, mixed with guilt over
the morbidity of it all. Dubious extinction comes to mind for the noted.
I'll visit again. Thanx
-SHERCOIX
You guys are a hoot! Funnier than a bent Presidential boner. I'll have
to come up with some more team names. bin Laden's Sitting Ducks? I'll
work on it.
-dgraves
Hey you guys..
I keep coming back here but I have to tell you that you guys scare me a
little! I think the way you guys do & keep checking in on your page just
to make sure, but sometimes you just sorta take off on a different field
that I don't even understand! I'm not a dummy but I don't understand
this... "Explain... Ricky"... Do I have to send money to you guys?
Marty Riley... (I've really enjoyed your page & still keep cheching in
but do I have to give you money for some reason?)
-mlriley
I just have to ask about a curious loophole in the Dead Pool Rules. They
state "Incarcerated individuals who are legally executed by any branch of
the U.S. government, state or fedaral, are NOT eligible as celebrities
and players will receive no credit in the event of their deaths." Does
this mean that people executed in OTHER countries ARE eligible? Sure seems
that way, but I just wanted confirmation. I have an impressive list of
death row short-timers from elsewhere on the globe, who I'm pretty sure
will wind up being mentioned in the AP.
Of course, if I win the September Lee Jr. with such a list, I picture mayhem,
looting and sodomy among the other participants. Is there anything in the
rules that promises that you won't dispense my name and address to the
angry mob?
On a related topic, more power to T Switala for risking a vote on Jackie
McClure. One of the risk factors to evaluate has always been "What are the
odds the AP will write this up?" Thus, JM's death factor (.95) had to be
multiplied by her obit factor (I would have said .25). Mr. Switala, however,
sensed the increasing tabloidism of even the most staid bastions of
journalism, and put his faith in pulp. God bless him...what could have been
just a dull day's pile of stiffs contained a shining inspiration to us all!
So please, please, no modification to the AP rule!
-Diggit
Hello,
It has come to my attention that the forces of sickness,
disease,
broken families, war, hunger, and general evil are coming to
a point
where it seems hopeless to live for many, many people. If
you know
anyone who is in need of prayer just add a name first or
last, their
need, and if possible a location and we will begin to get
people to
pray for them. Send this on to many people because everyone
knows someone
who needs prayer. Feel free to ask for prayer for yourself
and your
family, no need is too small and no need is too large. You
may not
believe in the power of prayer but I know many people who
let us pray.
It costs nothing to you and it just may help!
All my love moow@emcyber.com.
Send all requests to moow@emcyber.com and I will get them
out
to everyone who is interested in helping by praying for the
needs of the
world! If you are interested in joining us in prayer for
these needs
please send me a letter saying so and I will add you to my
list of people
that will and I will keep you updated on the the needs.
Please send this on to your friends and others you know!
Even if you
don't have any requests or don't believe yourself there are
others out
there that need this help and need this prayer, please give
them a chance!
Here is the list of the Categories I use when sending out
the prayer list, so
that everyone can get an idea to jog their minds for prayer:
Revival
Healing
Addictions
Leaders
Family
Pastor
Services
Salvation
Schools
In Christ's Love,
-Joshua
Great job getting the Sept. game lists and stats out so fast. You're the
best at what you do, whatever the fuck that is. Who is this T. Switala
creature? Does it have a day job? I do refer to that fat, whiny,
presidential hummer as "Moanica", but that's OK. I'm just getting itchy
from this drought we're in. It's time to lock, load, and mow the
bastards down.
-M. T. Graves
Dear Commish:
This is fucking scary. I made out two lists when the year began. My first
list was an attempt to scientifically and rationally pick people I heard
were on death's door..... I have hit 4 on that list.
My second list was a mere lark... submitted to take advantage of your Ernie
Banks rule. All I did was pick a bunch of old farts who had been kind of
quiet lately and I hadnt heard much about it. The only exception was
Wellington Mara, owner of the NY Giants. I am a Giants fan and I know that
they are so likely at any time to choke the big one that they can kill even
a fan with a strong heart like me, let alone a 900 year old geezer like
Mara.
Now what has happened. Akira Kuroswawa bought it giving me a total of 5 and
putting me one hit away from some serious money. Have I cursed these
people? I mean I didnt know Dr. Spock or Robert Young was dying, I just
entered their names on a lark. Have I doomed them?
When I was a kid, I saw a movie with Richard Boone (HINT: Richard Boone =
Bad Choice.... Already dead) called I Bury the Living. He was a funeral
director and the cemetary where he worked had a map with white pins (for
living people) and black pins (for stiffs). He started to futz around and
replace white pins with black ones and quicker than shit those people
started dying. This spooked the daylights out of him (and me too). I made
sure our house didnt have any black pins in it. Now I've done the same
thing. I've given Henny Youngman a black pin. This is scary.
At this point I have two choices. Either I can beg for celestial
forgiveness.... say I didnt mean it and hope nice things for the remaining
five on my list.
Naaaaaaaaah
Let's face it...money is money. And I'll be damned if I let that Bitch
Julie win this thing without a fight. So Dale Evans..... I want you to know
I just went to Office Depot and bought a big supply of BLACK PINS. Get the
hint?????
God I love this game
-Steve Silver
Dear Greg-
Hello, my name is Rachel and I live in Shreveport, Louisiana. I am trying to
find the Greg Hicks that lives in Bandera, Texas and works at the Mayan Dude
Ranch. I would really appricate it if you would let me know if this is the
right Greg or not. Thank you so much for your time and I am sorry to bother
you if this is not the right Greg. Please let me know.
Thanks a lot
-Rachel
looking for greg hicks formerly of mira mesa
-michael
From the Houston TV news, a large black man was apprehended attempting
to assassinate Mayor Lee Brown. He gave his name as Lord Jesus Christ.
wooHOO!
-Aussie Meyer
Just read on alt.obituaries that Leonid Kinskey, who played Sascha the
bartender in Casablanca, has died at age 95. Well, it's now official: I've
had my first "hit" in the Atwater Jr.! I had Kinskey at #6 on my "Dem Bones
1" list in the September Jr., and I believe I was the only one who put him
down. Feels good to be on the board at last...
-Erich
Dem Bones
Dearly Beloved Child of our Heavenly Father.If you find this
contrary to your beliefs or that this word offends you, please
delete this message or send me your request for removel.Thank-you
Y A O H Ú S H U A
FACTS SHOCKING BUT TRUE!
1. The real, original and genuine Name of our Creator in the
original Hebrew Holy Scriptures is 'YAO-HOO' and that of the
genuine Messiah is 'YAO-HOO-SHUA.' (accented on the syllable
'hoo')
2. Salvation is found in nobody else for there is no other
name under heaven given to men for salvation except:
'YAOHÚSHUA' - Acts 4:12, Holy Scriptures.
3. Whoever calls upon the Name of 'YAOHÚSHUA' shall be saved
from all the curses and penalties of sin, such as poverty,
diseases, failures, bankruptcies, losses, earthquakes, wars,
frustrations, AIDS, torment, insanity, family breakdowns,
rebellions, divorces, tragedies, natural catastrophes,
violence, death and hell - Deuteronomy 28, Holy Scriptures.
4. All have sinned and come short of the glory of YÁOHU UL,
the Holy One of Israel; and the wages of sin is death. That's
why unless a person is spiritually REBORN, he cannot enter
the Kingdom of YÁOHU UL! - John 3:3, Holy Scriptures.
(pronounced: yao-hoo ool, accented on the syllable 'yao')
5. For YÁOHU UL so loved the world that He gave His one and
only Son, the Messiah YAOHÚSHUA, that whoever believes in Him
shall not perish but have eternal life! - John 3:16, Holy
Scriptures
6. Salvation is a FREE GIFT of YÁOHU UL, out of the richness
of His grace, not of works. No one shall be acquitted in
YÁOHU UL's sight by obedience to the law, for to break a
single
command in the law of Moses is the same as breaking all of
them!
- Ephesians 2:8-9 and James 2:10, New Testament, Holy
Scriptures.
7. And this is life eternal: that you may know YÁOHU UL,
the only true Creator and the Messiah Whom He sent -
YAOHÚSHUA!
- John 17:3, Holy Scriptures
8. YAOHÚSHUA is the only Way, the Truth and the Life;
no one can approach the Father, YÁOHU UL, except through the
Messiah YAOHÚSHUA alone! All you have to do is to believe
in His Name, make and receive the Messiah YAOHÚSHUA in your
heart as your one and only individual life Ruler and Savior!
Now is your time to repent, believe and trust the genuine
Messiah YAOHÚSHUA to save you! - John 14:6, 1:12-13, Holy
Scriptures
9. YAOHÚSHUA the Messiah died in your behalf, as your
personal Substitute, and He personally suffered the penalties
of all your sins! All you must now do is to believe and
receive all the benefits of His redemptive work, it's that
easy and simple. All your sins were already forgiven when
the Messiah YAOHÚSHUA took on Himself all the penalties of
your sins, and the only thing you must do now is to REPENT
then believe, receive and personally appropriate for yourself
all the eternal benefits of His total, complete redemption!
10. Our Creator-Head exists in a TRIUNE Eternal Nature:
the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. 'Triune' means
three fully-united Eternal Beings. - 1 John 5:7, Holy
Scriptures
11. You must not use the most-reverend, original Name of
YÁOHU UL disrespectfully nor irreverently. You will not
escape YÁOHU UL GABOR's punishment if you do. - Exodus 20:7,
Holy Scriptures
12. The most-revered Name of our Creator-Head was CHANGED
when the Hebrew 'Holy Scriptures' was translated into
different languages and dialects; thus, the Name of our
Creator and His Messiah was CHANGED into DIFFERENT names
of various pagan and cultic idols!
Be sure you are not relying on fake creators and false
messiahs! Beware! It's your life and only soul at risk!
Prepare for eternity now!
Discover truths that will set you free! Truths long ignored
by many and which only the original Messiah YAOHÚSHUA can
reveal to honest seekers of truth!
YAOHÚSHUA is the Truth! YAOHÚSHUA is the genuine Messiah
and no one else! He can really save, deliver, heal, protect,
prosper and help you!
Remember, THERE IS NO OTHER NAME under heaven given to men
for salvation except this Name above every name: YAOHÚSHUA!
Salvation is found in no other name, repeat, no other name!
Call or write soonest for your free literature which reveal
clear, obvious yet ignored facts in the Holy Scriptures
(Biblia Hebraica)!
"'YÁOHU' - this is My Name forever by which I am to be called
and remembered from generation to generation!" - Exodus 3:15,
Holy Scriptures
'Salvation is found in nobody else for there is no other name
under heaven given to men for salvation except the Name:
YAOHÚSHUA!' - Acts 4:12, Holy Scriptures
For further enlightening revelation knowledge, please
avail of the following HTML or TEXT guidelines soonest:
Titles Filenames
'YAO-HOO-SHUA - The Messiah' YAOHUSH.TXT
'YAOHÚSHUA - The Healer and Exorcist' HEALER.TXT
'Messiah's Qualifications' QUALI.TXT
'Free Gift Especially for You!' GIFTS.TXT
'YAOHÚSHUA in the Triune Eternal' TRIUNE.TXT
'How to Deal With Your Authorities' AUTHOR.TXT
'The YAOHÚSHUA Exposes!' FALSE.TXT
These are some of the most-important guidelines you'll
ever
read in your entire life! Next to the Holy Scriptures, of
course.
So quickly avail of all these highly-revealing guidelines now
for
your spiritual awakening and growth!
These guidelines are available in HTML, TEXT and ZIP
compressed format at the following Internet sites:
============================
Home WWW URL: http://www.YAOHUSHUA.org/index.html
At the mention of the Name: YAOHÚSHUA, every knee must bow in
heaven, on earth, and under the earth, to the glory of YÁOHU
UL in heaven!
Contact us now at this E-Mail address: YAWHUSHUA@hotmail.com
Do it now!
Every knee must bow at this Name: Y A O H Ú S H U A !
Y A O H Ú S H U A - the authentic Name above every name!
Whoever calls upon the Name 'YAOHÚSHUA' shall be saved!
Search for the TRUTH, and the truth shall set you free!
Y A O H Ú S H U A - the only hope in this world!
Believe and receive Him now!
All this is given to you in true love and deep humility,
'beh hol Shúam' (in the Name of) YAOHÚSHUA hol-MEHUSHKHÁY,
amnów!
-CHILD
Pasta E Fagioli :
White beans, vegetables and pasta in a tomato based
traditional italian soup.
Do you love that vegatable and bean soup from The
Olive Garden restaurant? This is not the exact recipe
but it's pretty close.
This classic soup recipe is delicious and easy to make.
You won't find my special recipe in any cookbook. This
soup is low fat and and very nutritious. The recipe
makes 12 servings and takes about an hour to prepare.
To get the recipe, send $5.00 to:
Swisher-M
P.O. Box 11116
Santa Ana, Ca 92711
Please include your email address or a self addressed
stamped envelope with your order.
-45562.
Apparently you guys aren't the only people who have problems with
the "whaddayamean, he's dead?" crowd.
Last Friday, we were looking at Ticketmaster Online and they had a
concert date listed for that night for Roy Orbison. Fair's fair, it
_was_ cancelled, but. . .dude, he's been dead since 1988.
Thought you'd appreciate this as few others would.
-Sandy
The best I could do is " Ole Waggle Race" . You will be surprised to
learn that a waggle race was a rural amusement that he often watched as a
boy. Perhaps waggle racing played a part in forming his warm hearted
political ideas.
No one in our office pool had him though Dave had James Earl Ray earlier
in the year.
-Sullivan, Frank
Yo, who'! Yo' sho' po' Flo Jo no go no mo'?
-O.
We are fans of yours since April of this year, however, we are getting
pretty pissed at Fucko!! He keeps us waiting for his witty bull shit
p.r. column. Whats with you guys, cant you keep him under control?
Slap 'em around , sober him up, and get ta work!!
-AuntFanny
You missed the biggest purplest queer bastard of them all BARNEY the
fucking dinosaur.
-Clarence's mail
I am a Cleaver and you are not funny about my cousin
-SonnyS2734
You say that your name is Zachariah Love -- but is that truly your
Dickensian name? Are you not a descendent of Zachariah Heap? And
is not The Dead Pool the stuff that dreams are made of if one is
truly suicidal?
-Cdk831
AM RELATIVELY NEW TO YOUR SITE....REALLY LIKE IT A LOT
SINCE I OWN A FUNERAL HOME! BUT, WHO IS FUCKO THE CLOWN?
-STEVE T.
Damn you're fast. Turned on the radio and heard the announcement about the
death of Gene Autry and saw that you had already crossed his name off the
list of those amongst the living. Damn, you're good.
Just stumbled across your site whilst browsing. Trying to find the real poop
about the death of actor Joe Flynn. Looks like I need to keep browsing.
-Steve Olson
Hi -
I have been looking at your site lately and have become fascinated by
it. Does that mean I have a sick mind? Would appreciate it if you could
tell me how and when one will be able to enter your pool for 99.
Also, I'm writing from Canada, but I gather you will take entries from
the Great White North.
Thanks,
-jim.
I just had to tell you...I finally got a computer with Internet access in my
room at the high school where I teach. Just to see if everything works I
tried to log on to good old stiffs.com because it is relatively simple to type
in. The county server refused to process the request. The category given for
failure to grant access was SITE USELESS. Useless!! Can you imagine?
Just thought you'd like to know.
-MM
I see you pricks have now coopted my entire rule book
for the 1999 Pool. As I always suspected, I do in
fact run the best damn dead pool on the Net as evidenced
by this sincerest form of flattery. Thanks for makin'
my day.
-Jim Geary
Please send Eddie Vedder.
-Kurt Cobain
Can you please institute a message board for we dead-pool heads to
exchange insults over? I once overseed one myself, off of a cgi-script
from Matt's Script Exchange. Yes, I said overseed. I find that word
amusing.
Wouldya?
-bairey
Ich liebe Sie fucking Halteseile. Ich liebe Ihr totes Pool. Wir Deutsche
lieben tote amerikanische Berühmtheiten. Wir lieben auch David Hasselhoff.
-Dick Fitzwell
Stiffies --
Love the Dead Pool; its cheerful, unrepentant morbidity is the attitude
I strive for here at work. I check in on the Blurb and Back Page
everyday, and couldn't stop laughing at the "Jesus Appears at Donut
Shop" article. It has every possible element of comedy:
a) silly apparitions
b) gullible Canadians
c) unintentional sexual innuendo ("Lick-a-Chick?" What cunning linguist
[har] thought up that name?)
And perhaps most peculiarly, that final information nugget concerning
Wendy's ownership of the donut shop. Watch out, McDonald's and Burger
King: Dave Thomas has got the Lord on his side...
Blasphemously,
-Sean Kelley
I stumbled across your site, having linked to it from "Disgruntled
Housewives." I have been laughing ever since.
There is something about death that actually is humorous. Remember the
famous "Mary Tyler Moore" episode featuring the death of Chuckles the Clown?
(He was trampled by a circus elephant, I think.)
Back in 1990, my daughter and I were watching Johnny Carson on the evening
of April 6th, just a day after my wife had died at an early age from breast
cancer. Now, even though it was a solemn time, Johnny cracked us up with a
routine having to do with death. He was doing a character giving a eulogy
at a funeral, for a dead colleague, a fellow worker at a thesauraus editing
office. He then used every euphemism for death/dead you can imagine, going
from the obvious (cashed in his lunch tickets) to the outrageouse (eating
moss muffins, flying the marble kite, etc.) It went on and on, and I finally
fell on the floor (really) convulsed by laughter. A great catharsis. If you
ever want to do a page on death euphemisms, see if you can get the tape of
that episode.
So, anyway, your site just rules! I can't wait to enter the '99 contest.
What are you going to do when Bob Hope dies? I mean Frank was a challenge,
but Bob??? "Thanks for the memories" is very cool, but so obvious. (I am a
Viet Nam vet, and saw Bob for Christmas in 1966, so it works for me, but I
know you will want "something more.")
Keep up the great work!!
Your living (for now) friend in Puyallup, Washington,
-Dave Williams
Been a while since I came to this site - My entry sucks, by the by, I'll just
have to keep entering the same old list and wait and wait and wait...
The site gets better and better! Sheesh! Love the blurbs on each of our dear
departed. Particulary "Carlos Castaneda He maintained that reality is a
shared way of looking at the universe which can be transcended through
discipline, ritual and concentration, and that the sorcerer can see and use
the energy that comprises everything. Then he died."
Well, that's the first one that caught my eye going back to quote someone.
I hadn't heard about Wendy O. I'm gonna get a black armband...
You people are really sick and I really like that about you! Thanks for all
your worthwhile efforts.
Hats off,
-Lynn P.
damn dude.....your harsh
-cgough
Do you know of any sites where I could get a bio of Don Knotts? All I
have been able to find are sites that love his movies. Thanks.
-Michele
Zach,
Sorry I've been a little incommunicado these days, but I've been a very busy
guy. These Middle East peace talks have been a real bitch. I feel like a damn
a mediator between kindergardners. The damn Palestinians want an airport. The
friggin' Jews want to be to be Jews. It's all a lot of bullshit if you ask me.
Nobody cares how Billy Boy's life's going. They're all worried about their own
way of life. If your ask me I think they would be a lot happier if they stop
worring about what land their intitled to and think about all the damn nudie
bars on the Gazza Strip. Man that Gazza Strip must put all the flesh pits in
Arkansas to shame.
That Arafat needs to loosen that table cloth around his melon and and start
lick'n some snatch. These guys are way too uptight. Like I was talkn' to King
Hussein the other day, man he looks like shit, I wanted to talk to him about all
the young booty he musta been hit'n and all he was concerned about was the peace
in the Middle East. Give me a fuckin' break, "Mr. Hussein you're fuckin' dying,
have a little fun before you go". No, no, he's so goddamn rightous and all.
Anyway forget about these old fucks, how's my little Mexican princess Julie doin'?
If ya hook me up I might think about a little peace offering with Charlie Heston.
Maybe a little foursome action between him, me, my lovely Julie bitch, and Fucko.
Your Pal,
-Willie J. Clinton
Did you know that 89% of people suffering with hemmoroids who stick their finger
in their ass actually like it. I don't know what to call them, how about anal
pickers, but 69% of them would consider anal intercourse from a man because it was
larger and it felt better than their own finger.
-DickRitchie
Zach,
Hey the American people have spoken. Looks like there's not going to be an
impeachment for yours truly. The people don't give damn who the hell Willie's
showing the presidential staff to. It looks like I can do what the fuck, to
who the fuck, I want to.
If you ask me, I don't think the voters give a shit about politics at all.
Just take a look at that oiled up, steroid pumped up, Jesse "The Body" Ventura.
I can just see the 2000 presidential election now, that freak Ventura in the
ring with Georgie Bush Jr. and Al Gore, in an all out battle royal. I can
picture Ross Perot in Jesse's corner, beatin' poor Gore in his noggin with a
goddamn folding chair. (Them damn Reformers, along with them white trash
wrestlers, are going to cause the ruination of this great country.)
Well enough with the bullshit. The American people have voted yes on the
proposition to bring Julie "The Goddess of Death" in to the Oral. . . . I mean
Oval office for a "hands on" lesson in political science.
-Billy "The Lower Body" Clinton
I understand that you like to trade gay male pics... If this is true, I would
love to join your list... I also have SEVERAL lists.. Let me know
-Eric
stiffs.com,
May you be stricken down where you stand!!!
The great Charlton Heston is no homosexual!!!
He has not ever have been with a man named Fucko the Clown, or ever will meet
the man in a public Texaco restroom. You people make me sick. It is bad
enough that you wish jews in show business dead, you got to ruin the good
reputation of Charlton Heston. Mr. Heston is not even a jew.
-yahweh
Zach,
I think it's about time I server my relationship with you dumb shits at the
dead pool. I think it is only fitting that I end my final letter with my own
dead pool list for the 1999 season. Which I assume you will waive the standard
entry fee, since I have contributed much to your site. I will leave out the
obvious selections like Kenneth Starr, Paula Jones, Linda Tripp and all the
other shithead people that have tried to ruin my presidency. Are you ready?
Here we go.
10. Senór Wences (what the hell? every one else picked him.)
9. Bob Hope (don't think he'll be entertaining the troops when I finally
decide to invade Iraq.)
8. Kate Hepburn (when is that bitch going to die?)
7. John Travolta (the guy who was in 'Two of a Kind' actually thinks he can
portray the leader of the free world?)
6. John Lovitz (does anyone like this guy?)
5. George Carlin (I'm sorry but, what are you going to do to me if I don't
dial 10-10-220?)
4. Dennis Miller (just die, BABE!!)
3. The rest of the 'Saturday Night Live' cast.
2. Hillary (just think how many chicks I'll get being a widow.)
1. Julie (I forgot to tell you that I'm into necrophila.)
-BillClinton
Tiger Woods,Earl Woods
-CCupps22
I tried to take note of how many times you guys mentioned Kurt
Cobain..But I lost track.
Alls i gotta say is that I did adore your page. It was brilliant. I
overlooked the sick humourless parts. And all in all..it kicked ass. If
Kurt Cobain ever mails you...tell him I saw him at a country barn dance.
He was carrying a watermelon. *ahem* sorry. Stupid humor kicked in.
You'd not know what I was talking about unless you saw the cover of the
enquirer or the sun or some shit after he died. Suprisingly he was in
the same pose earlier but the watermelon was his daughter. I love Kurt.
So if he mails you..=)
You guys have to much time on your hands.
-Czarria Afdemaur
Where is Zsa Zsa Gabor hiding?
-Sonnie Willis
Why Lee Atwater?
-Dave Bogdon
Hey - maybe this will make e-mail of the week, or at least e-mail of the
moment.
I got stuck in a 45 minute line today at the supermarket. While everyone
else was grumbling and wondering what the problem was, I was happy. Know
why? Finally, I had some time to mull over who to put on my list for the
'99 Atwater. So there I was, actually happy being stuck in line. Mumbling
to myself ("No, no way Paul Anka checks out -- he's still young and healthy"
or "If only Joe Dimaggio hangs on until January" etc.) then chuckling and
smiling as I added potential stiffs like Dick Clark to my possibility list
("Thinks he's forever a teenager, huh? No way -- he's gonna be forever
dead.") Strong and silent I stood, lost in thought and deep in
concentration, while everyone else was worrying if their frozen pizzas would
thaw before they got to the cashier. I was really cooking, too. Put some
on the research list ("Sid Caeser? Isn't he already dead? I better check it
out."), or decide which ones go on all three lists when I sign up for the
Pistol Pete Three to make Two ("Boris Yeltsin - if he doesn't assume room
temp on his own, those other Russkies will ice him by next December.") Man,
I felt like a Grim Reaper Wannabe, standing there in line, reaching out with
the mark of death on all sorts of people I don't even know. I mean, what do
I have against Byron Nelson? Nothing, that's what. But this year if he
goes to that big 19th hole in the sky, it's points for me, so tough luck,
Byron. I guess anyone who observed me thought I was nuts, smiling and
chuckling away, writing little notes on the back of my shopping list, but
unlike them, I put that 45 minutes to good use.
I wonder if Dick Clark knows he is a marked man?
Now, if I just make it through the year alive.
Your pal,
-Dave Williams
Had i known that my adventure into your web space would result in pain
(aching side syndrome) I would have wrapped my ribs accordingly. Being one of
great inquizzitiveness, I decided to peruse your pages and came to a great
philosophical conclusion. I have found that deep within each of you there are
some hilarious mother fuckers. I laughed for hours at your comedic
descriptions of people...HA ha ha ha ha hah aha ha ha ha ha hah ah ow my
sides hurt again!
-Psych0sis
Merry Christmas!
From one of the many people waiting for other people to drop dead.
-Molly Collins
Just heard that character actor Richard Paul died of cancer. He played Jerry
Falwell in "The People vs. Larry Flynt" and Falwell-like preachers in a lot of
other things, too. Now if only life would imitate art...
-Dem Bones
Hi Salut
Qui es tu? age?pays?
Who r u? age? country?
Bye
-DeuxMecsBx
God damnit! Ruth motherfuckin' Clifford, the voice of Minnie Mouse
(though they somehow left this fact out of her obit), couldn't hold
out for 2 more days on my behalf! I guess that means the Queen Mother
moves into the #10 slot on Diggit's Harold Chasen Invitational.
-Diggit
I just received a message from the fan club for adult film actress Hyapatia
Lee that she has passed away from diabetes (1961-1998). A terrible shame. I
don't know whether AP has made any mention of this, and I'm sure nobody
predicted her, but I hope you can put her name up on your site.
-Dem Bones
I'm so fucking lucky. What a country. I have a job that pays next to nothing.
But, I have a computer....and $15.00. and...a true loathe for all that is
celebrity.
So, as Atwater 99 approaches...
I thank you guys with all my congestive heart.
pass the lasix.
-totalZpackage
Helen Frankenthaler, the painter, is getting very, very old.
your friend in LA,
-Emily