Dead Letter Office, 1996


     It's no surprise to us that this twisted little amusement of ours has provoked some passionate reactions from the public at large, and brother, is it large. The outpouring of affection we've received in response to this dead-dog-and-perishing-pony show we put on has been nothing short of unbelievable. In fact, we don't believe it for a second. Sure, we like pats on the back as much as anybody else, it's just that we were expecting a little more rancor. More venom, if you will. You know, Hate Mail.      Ever since we first thought to put this baby up on the web, we've been looking forward to a mailbox full of "You Stink" messages, and frankly, we've been a little disappointed. Of course, then we remember that plenty of you losers out there never get any mail at all, and we feel pretty good about the odd assortment of communiques we've had so far. Yes, it would be nice to come home to a few thousand bytes of spite sometime, but the last thing we'd want is for somebody to feel sorry for us and dash off a "Dear Scumbags" letter, just to make us feel better. No, if we're going to get feedback, we want it to come from the heart. Like the thoughtful notes we got in our first year on the web. Have a look at a few, and you'll see what we mean.

Hi. I have no idea what I'm doing. Just found this location on the net
or whatever or whereever I am. So Hello.

-Syndi Phillips no form on the web, id like to enter, how is it going this year, this is a
temp address...my permanent address is [deleted for privacy], thats [deleted
for privacy] everyone fucks up the j, i like the site, ill be back

-Satan16216 I have no idea how you got my email.. Don't send me anymore. Thanks. -Jamie ffolliott i don't know who lee atwater is. -Danielle Tropea This is the sickest display of insensitive depravity I've ever seen. God, I loved every second of it. -Bob McKee Mrs Tick & I think your game is sick and disgusting. We will probably enter for 1997. I was wondering about something. I was doing a search for Lord Buckley and I got your site. Why is that? -TICK7263 *ÜÛj¨a¤i»*Ûj¨a ¤Ý*3ÂF»vТ¨` ¨å*̬ ´*x|ó´ã*Ü¡ã´[*Ë©­Ûà Û|ÁB*B*λi1C|*10ÛÔ20Û*(´ÈÂP« çÛ*) ÛUÛé3¨Ä*B´«»ý |*1C|*|Ýásµ¯»Ë Welcome join us at 20 Oct (this sunday) 3:00pm in the central at hongkong side. It is a Demonstration for Wong Dan and Liu Xiaobo. don't forget and please distribute to you friends. -wahchun Can we visit the house of Timothy Leary? I am a dutch tutor in Philosophics. Please answer us bij giving us an I-mail on [deleted for privacy] or send us a letter to Jan Dols Jachthavenweg 26 C 1076 CZ Amsterdam With regards -Jan Dols To: The Benevolent Uberpater of the Lee Atwater Invitational Dead Pool From: The Supreme Commanding Officer and Sugeon General of Mellow Happiness Industries and International Holdings Dear Sir- In response to your rather unusual request that I "rub out" Cindy Garvey in exchange for favors granted within your sphere of influence, I must dutifully decline your offer. While we at MHIIH share your disdain for the former slugger's wife, we carry with us a high regard for the music of Marvin Hamlish and as such do not want to in any way burden him or his muse with any shall we say "distractions". Furthermore upon checking our files, it appears that your purported linkage with Mr.Happiness is false. When pressed, he offered no recollection of spearfishing with you or Skippy T. Onionboy in the Galapagos Islands last winter as was mentioned in your letter of introduction recieved 9/25/96.In short, we find you to be a fraud. A con artist. A pimp with a hangnail. (I don't know -- you figure it out). Let it be known that while Mellow Happiness Industries and International Holdings is one of the most powerful and influential multinational conglomerates that history bears witness to, we simply do not handle accounts as small as yours. Perhaps a thumb through the Yellow Pages might service your needs. You can always try Richard Lewis -- I hear he is desperate these days. Best of luck old boy, and don't call upon us again. Ever. Sincerely, -Captain Moreland C. Whack Supreme Commanding Officer and Surgeon General Mellow Happiness Industries and International Holdings what up homey just start evansville on line -STEVEN GRUSZEWSKI Lee, Heard the interview you did on CFRB in Canada....thought I would check the site out and post an entry.... Take care and watch me kick the undertakers ass in '97. -Doug Crosse Toronto, Ontario GET A LIFE! YOU ARE IN NEED OF HELP! -MrsHewey I AM VERY AGAINST YOUR "GAME"- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE PEOPLE BETTING ON YOUR DEMISE? I THINK YOU GUYS NEED SOME COUNSELING -MrsHewey Lee, Maybe you can help me find out if Jeanne Clamet is still kicking...I've got her in my office pool...she is the oldest living human at 120...she lives in France...was in a People Magazine article late last year. Please help if you can this could put me on top! Thanks, -Mickey_D I'm a local DC guy and a friend of Lee's. When I saw his name on the internet my curiosity got the best of me. I'm sorry it did. It's a pathetic endeavor. -Bill Fitz-Patrick Hi, cool idea, grim, but cool. Wish you'd do one about famous celebrity tobacco promoters: my list would have on it: sly stallone david letterman arnold schwartzenooger denzel washington all the marlboro models who haven't died already all the lucky strike lady models who haven't died already all the camel models, who haven't died already and tho he is a cartoon camel, his demise is WAAY overdue, hes over 77 years old now!---Joe Smooth Character Camel Larry Hagman is a good guy, hope he don't die this year! Really neat is the Lucky Strike lady model, who is going around testifyin (hard, she has to use that gulping air special "talking" they invented for throat cancer victims) even tho shes dying of lung cancer now. OOH yeah, and I'll take bets on the X-FILES CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN, AKA BLACK LUNG BASTARD, AKA CANCER MAN dying in 1006 or 1997? CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE, IF GET A CHANCE. http://www.clubkool.wwwdev.com -Linda R. Poole The Dead Pool: hey, is Zachariah Love the Commish's REAL name? Do you ever notice how life is NOT fair, and some people get to be born with really COOL names, and others get stuck with really crummy ones? I think besides the Dead Pool, we should start a Collection Bank to collect all the really COOL names when people who are lucky enuf to have them die; and then pass them out to OURSELVES, so we can ALL be in the COOL POOL! The Dead name I would pick, would be: Gracie SLICK; what would you choose? -Linda Poole, aka "Kool Poole" owner of one dumb, dull moniker Lee, can you give me any ideas or what the big tips are for who's going to crook in 97? There's something in it for you. Please let me know. My toll free number is 800-932-3578. I am a real estate broker so please be discrete when you call me up. My name is Clark Nyberg. give me a call. My big meeting time is new Year's Eve when we have our yearly "meeting of the mindless" about who's going to leave us in 97. thanks -C21Pauley To whom it may concern, Please forgive me if I seem to have lost my sense of humor, but I have really taken offense to your comment about Lee Mathis, whoo I got to know a few months before he died from complications due to AIDS. Lee may not have been a very well known actor, but he has been in several well known movies (MURDER IN THE FIRST, BUGSY, ALL THAT JAZZ) as well as several TV appearances I never had the pleasure of seeing, and the role of Joh Hanley on "General Hospital". He deserves more respect than you have the decency to show. I have vowed to keep his memory alive and I will not allow anyone to disgrace is memory without a fight. The man is dead. A great loss to us all. Have some respect and try picking on someone who can defend themselves. Or better yet, try picking on no one at all. -Traci Kishbaugh Pretty interesting page here. I keep a list, too - for a church service I lead every year. I'll have about 275 names on the list next Sunday. I think I have everybody you have, but you missed some good ones - Herbert Huncke (look him up), Lash LaRue (a childhood hero) and Max Factor, Jr. (practically invented make up). By the way, Lee Atwater went to high school about a mile from where I'm sitting now. -Dmohr


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